So my sweet partner has had a break over the holidays. She began hearing voices that told her to self harm. She came to me immediately, according to our action plan, and we were able to take the necessary actions. She is safe and recovering. The new meds make her sleepy and grumpy, but what are a few dwarves compared to sticking ones own hand in boiling water?
This is a woman who is well educated and a capable and respected professional. She is aware of her illness and treats it as an illness, not a flaw. She hates the medication and how it limits her, but she takes it anyway - because she realizes that she has an illness that needs to be treated.
She is a loving spouse and mother who is very family oriented. Her biggest fear is losing the love and respect of me, her sons, mother and sister.
I tell her every day that we love and respect her. I tell her that we are not going anywhere, and that she will not be alone. However, aside from me, very little evidence exists to prove this very true thing.
When I tell her family of her fears, they balk. They wonder how she could think such a thing!
Well, that they have disappeared from her life is one very clear indication to her that she has lost them.
At first I thought it might be the familial discourse caused by her illness. However, every agrees that she has made some serious and marked amends. She has painstakingly rebuild burned bridges, and reconnected with those who she had pushed away in her illness.
So what is the issue? They tell me that they do not know what to say, or how to act.
So here is some advice on what to say to someone who is sick:
1) Call and ask how they are, and listen to the answer. The pain they are in is severe and taxing. A moment of your discomfort at hearing what it is like for them is well worth the comfort it gives.
2) If you are unsure what to say, don't say anything. Silence can truly be golden. The most healing moments I have seen are when she sits quietly with someone she loves.
3) Educate your self about the illness, ask if you have questions, but don't insert opinions unless they are solicited. **This definitely includes personal beliefs about God; praying = good, preaching = bad.
4) Mental Illness is an ILLNESS. Unfortunately the symptoms tend to be socially unacceptable behavior. This makes for rather awkward moments in relationships. Where it is easy to forgive someone for vomiting, passing out, or seizing - it is not so easy to forgive someone when they display symptoms of mental illness. The best thing is to separate the person from the illness. They are not a monster, the illness is the monster.
5) Last but not least, remember that one is never alone. There are forums like this, support groups for those who have anything to do with the illness, including those who are living with it, all the way through friends, family, and carers. And in the event of an emergency, like any emergency, call 911/999.
