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Untitled Comment
Tammy
Tuesday, April 01, 2008 at 05:30 PMre: Untitled Comment
Charlie H
Tuesday, April 01, 2008 at 09:06 PMThanks for responding. I didn't actually think somebody would respond. My wife has had her meds changed periodically (I think I spelt that right). She does good for awhile and then it seems she regressess. This is the worst she has ever been. She has never wanted to leave me before. I am not perfect, but I have never cheated on her, belittled her or even abused her. She does aknowledge that. The relationship with my daughter is great from what I can see. My daughter is pretty bright for her age so if something was happening she definatly would say something. I have been aware of her illness I guess you would say for some time. I have delt with the emotional breakdowns before. I haven't run. Unfortunatly some people on this site seem to want run and leave there other half before trying to understand. That kinda bothers me alittle. I do understand that when enough is enough is time to move on, but you cared for that person at one point in your life I feel that is should you should try to work it out before you are willing to call it quits. I know everyones situation is different, so that is just my opinion. It was just suprising that she wanted to seperate. Unfortunatly I work 2 jobs because of this crappy economy so I work 3 13hr days. I would more then willing to give them up if it ment helping her, but she tells me we need the money. So I am trying to be there for her and support and not trying to loose my mind. I am new to this sight so I am just looking I guess for maybe some suggestions, answers or support. Thanks for the reply. I am sorry about your situation. I am willing to talk if you need someone to talk too. So don't be hesatant (I know that is not how you spell that) LOL!
replyre: re: Untitled Comment
Tammy
Wednesday, April 02, 2008 at 06:11 PMHi, Charlie. Guess you were really surprised to see all the responses? Like I said yesterday, my husband has never left or mentioned it, so I have no insight into that. It's also hard to realize that any of this stuff bothers the person who has bp, because they sure don't show it. My husband was emotionless for so long that it was unreal. Has your wife ever had to be hospitalized? My husband did 10 days of outpatient, and was hospitalized for 7 days. The hospitalization was the worst for me, because I had to make that decision, but he had said that he was going to hurt himself. One of the worst parts is all the advice you get from family/friends who think you should do more or less. My response has finally reached the point of "if you can do it better, come on". Take care.
Tammy
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Its not easy
Rusty
Tuesday, April 01, 2008 at 08:58 PMMy partner has BP and our answer to the problems is not to live together. He has his space and when he is not "NICE" I have my space. When people have depression they look for answers in their everyday life...something to blame. The thing is that the problem is going on inside them and is not usually about the external world. They just think it is and the illness convinces them that this is right. Your wife is extremely sensitive to stress and lack of sleep and routine. Life with little children is not easy. Many men do not realise the enormous amount of work and effort that women need to put in when the children are small. It is really, really important that you assist in every way you can with household tasks and looking after the little one to give her a break. She must get enough rest. That means you will need to get up in the night. This is not just something which needs to be done for one day.....but everyday. If you want your marriage to work you must work to reduce her stress and workload, particularly at times when she is unwell, There is no easy fix .....Go to her doctor with her if you can. And , make sure she has a good therapist. Some therapists believe that these illnesses ARE not biochemical and are caused by external factors. Take care Rusty
replyre: Its not easy
Charlie H
Tuesday, April 01, 2008 at 09:24 PMThank you, your advice is great. I do try to do many things around the house to help her out with my daughter. She has even told me that I am a great husband and father and she doesn't deserve me. I have told her that I don't want her to think of deserving me. I just want to understand that I am here I am not going anyware and that we can work this out. Now I have talked to her since I posted this message and I have expressed going to her therapy session and we do have an appointment for next Thursday. Believe I am willing to do everything in my power to support her. My daughter loves both of us and shows it. I am concerned on how she is going to react to the temporary (I hope) seperation. I just want to understand and I guess to vent on whats going on because I know that this is an illness not just the persons personallity. Thanks for the advice I am greatly grateful.
replyre: Its not easy
david
Thursday, June 12, 2008 at 12:32 PMI would be careful, I helped with everything around the house, this created resentment which led to the divorce we are going through now. Our marriage counselor told me that I needed to take charge when the childrens welfare and care were being jepardized. When there was no food in the house I groceryshopped, when no dinner, I cooked, when they had been couped up in the house, I took them out, when my wife could not get up in the morning, I took the kids to school. She hated me for this, because everything I did, she could not do. Now we are going through a divorce and she is supperwoman, where was she when I needed her to be a wife and mother? Be careful!!
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Untitled Comment
tabby
Tuesday, April 01, 2008 at 09:47 PMThe therapy - you say that she goes when you have the money.
Have you considered your local community mental health center? They typically charge a sliding fee and most have a program for outpatient services. They also typically have support groups, CBT, and DBT groups. They may also be able to set the 2 of you up for programs for meds and other needs of the family.
It may be that she is just feeling overwhelmed. There may not be anything that you see that would cause this but to a person with Bipolar, sometimes the most mundane things can become overwhelming. Take for example - her meds.
If she has been through the trial and error thing with different meds and repeatedly gets the error side, this could possibly overwhelm her. There may be a possibility that she feels guilty for the money issue and you having to work 2 jobs.
Also, a lot of folks with Bipolar when they are going through a depressive episode will want to isolate themselves. You know, get off to themselves to think things through or feel like if they just moved out, everyone's life would be better.
Do you maybe think she is going through a depressive episode?
I'm just supposing here. You sound like you really want this to work out and you are willing to work your life around her illness while it is in both of your lives. Somewhere in there, she knows that she is fortunate to have you cause a lot of us with Bipolar tend to lose friends and family to this illness. They are, the collateral casualities.
replyre: Untitled Comment
Charlie H
Tuesday, April 01, 2008 at 11:52 PMThank you for responding, I never even knew that they had a community health center. She is going to go to a support group with a friend of hers who is also bipolar. which is ironic. I am willing to go to a counsoler with her. I have discussed the price of the meds and we are able to cover it. I do understand of what your saying that she does feel guilty of the meds but I feel that if we can try and get her somewhat striat in her situation the meds pricing is not important. I do think she is going through a depressive stage and we have talked and are at a understanding that she needs time to be alone. As much as it is hard and some what devistating because this is her most extreme action she has ever taken with me I am willing to go with that. Her disorder or illness is far from as bad as the people that I have read at this forum. I could only imagine what some of the people they are going through. I am just looking for some answers and ways to help her and also myself to get through this and also deal with this because I do understand that this is something that isn't going to go away. Alot of negative things I that have been written on this forum and I hope that I can be the positve one with a ending that is true. Thanks for the advice and I a willing to here more. It is nice to talk to people that understand what you are going through.
replyre: re: Untitled Comment
tabby
Wednesday, April 02, 2008 at 07:20 AMI'm glad she has found a support group & a friend to accompany her who also has the illness. This will help her if she makes the effort to go each time.
I'm also glad to know that you'd be willing to go to the therapy sessions with her. A lot of family members either don't want to participate but are okay with the person going or the person with the illness doesn't want the family member to sit in.
You need to also have separate counseling sessions for yourself or someone for you to meet with and talk to, even if it is a buddy you feel safe enough to talk things over with. You need to have some avenues of support to lean on as well. Therapy for you to learn how to cope with the changing facets of your wife's illness will help you.
This illness does indeed affect the one that it is afflicting but it also tears down those surrounding who love them. You got to get your reserves stockpiled as well.
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good luck Charlie. I mean that...
chad
Wednesday, April 02, 2008 at 03:39 AMI'm pretty new to this whole scene too. My girlfriend has bp and we're going through some of the same things. Sudden isolation, withdrawal, guilt, separation, etc. Other than "space" or "escape", which is what it looks like most other couples on these blogs experience, there isn't a whole lot of your own logic you can impose on the situation... at least not during high or low points on the wave. It seam quite impossible to make sense of if you don't have bipolar yourself... Hopefully you can ride it out and keep the faith in your relationship and family. But most important, keep the faith in yourself. If you think this is hard on you (which i do) imagine how hard it must be on your wife. She loves you and for some reason has to get out of dodge... That must be terrible to experience "needing to leave someone you love". When things settle down work on getting into a routine. Develop a healthy schedule with lots of sleep, eat healthier, exercise more. Those aren't just things you need to do for yourself, but those are three of the largest impactors on folks with bipolar as well. Dive into all of the on-line resources. Educate yourself as much as you can. Informed decisions feel much better. Chad
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Depression
Hopeful mom
Thursday, April 03, 2008 at 04:11 AMBefore my son's diagnosis in October, we couldn't reach him. He's been in major depression for a couple of years. To understand the history, he was a mom's boy for a long long time. Mom could do no wrong. Mom was the sunshine of his life. Suddenly, Mom was to blame for everything wrong. His life sucked. He was unhappy. I know some of this is normal as kids enter the teen years, but the level to which he took his anger out on me and blamed me for everything is not normal. He hated me. He honestly did. Once we started getting him stable on meds, he stopped doing this to me. He apologized for alot of the behavior and he told me he loved me again.
My point is, he took all of the bad feelings he was having and projected them onto the person he was closest to, the one he loved the most. I was that person. He's doing much better now thank goodness. It hurts when they not only isolate from you but seem to blame you for what's going on inside themselves. Your wife is miserable and depressed and unhappy. You are the closest person to her. Somehow in her mind the blame for her being depressed is shifted to you. I know it hurts. I hope the two of you can find some peace in this situation. God Bless you.
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Hi, my husband & I have been married for 29 years and he was diagnosed with bp 2 yrs ago. Not a great time in our marriage. He hasn't told me he wants to leave, but sometimes I feel like he does some of the things he does to get me frustrated enough so I will leave.
I don't have any answers for you. I have so many questions myself. Have your wife's meds been changed lately? How does she relate to your daughter and how does your daughter relate to her? It's been difficult on our 20 & 25 yr. old. Our 28 yr. old doesn't live nearby, so it has less of an effect on her.
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