My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 11 yrs....off and on..I was a widow with 2 little children when I met him and I was so desperate to have someone in my life, I overlooked a lot. He has always been a BIG drinker (10 to 12 beers daily..sometimes more) and I had not been around alcohol alot so I didn't realize how much of a drinker he was...he would have mood swings but after a year into the relationship, he had what I would call a full blown episode...he began thinking people were after him, he lived on very little sleep, called friends in the middle of the night, ranted and raved about things, and I was the enemy...I was devistated...he was arrested for yelling at a girl at a local conveneince store and his family had him go to a Mental hospital for a diagnosis..they said it was Bi Polar and put him on meds...after a month he was released and went to live at his grandmothers abandonded house...I would bring him food, wash his clothes and his family did almost nothing...they had their own lives and this brother crimped it...finally, I had exausted myself and even thought I was better and happier without him, I chose to care for him...he had another episode several years ago, but not as bad and it seems Springtime brings most of the bizarre. He self medicates with Budweiser, refuses drugs and any advise, and his moods are all over...I am sure part of it is a hangover but he can be a really nasty person, and a few hrs later, he is not as bad. The reason he and I are still together is that I feel so bad for him and what will happen...when he was gone for awhile, he walked the streets and was stabbed in the back for his wallet...no one wants this man..he disrupts lives and they cannot have that..my children are older, I have been the decision maker in everything and he is content to work and give me his check..as long as he gets $$$ for cigs and beer...we spend about $350 a month on that too..I am not sure when this will end for me, but I can tell you as a person who cares about people, I will not be able to turn him into the street...we barely go anywhere, on Sat. nights he is passed out by 7:00 and when my kids are grown and gone, I will be sitting babysitting him...I sometimes pray he will die....that is horrible...but with the 3 times he has been gone from my home, he has come back because either he just appears in the middle of the night or his family is on the phone telling me how much he loves me..he cannot keep a job or care about anything when his "pattern" is off...meaning being alone and with no one wanting him, thats where I come in...his mother is very supportive of me and prays for all of us daily...but they are happy to not deal with the alcohol abuse and whatever comes with him and his "baggage". I love him, but I am not in love with him..he says he loves me, but shows very little affection..he cannot admist a fault or say he is sorry for anything..Am I alone? Is there anyone in my situation? I have an elderly aunt and mother I am an only child too, I have this person and 2 children 17 and 14..I AM OVERWHELMED!
Published On: April 26, 2007
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