relationships

I am living with an Alcoholic/Bi Polar person

Jackie Community Member April 26, 2007
  • My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 11 yrs....off and on..I was a widow with 2 little children when I met him and I was so desperate to have someone in my life, I overlooked a lot. He has always been a BIG drinker (10 to 12 beers daily..sometimes more) and I had not been around alcohol alot so I didn't realize how much of a drinker he was...he would have mood swings but after a year into the relationship, he had what I would call a full blown episode...he began thinking people were after him, he lived on very little sleep, called friends in the middle of the night, ranted and raved about things, and I was the enemy...I was devistated...he was arrested for yelling at a girl at a local conveneince store and his family had him go to a Mental hospital for a diagnosis..they said it was Bi Polar and put him on meds...after a month he was released and went to live at his grandmothers abandonded house...I would bring him food, wash his clothes and his family did almost nothing...they had their own lives and this brother crimped it...finally, I had exausted myself and even thought I was better and happier without him, I chose to care for him...he had another episode several years ago, but not as bad and it seems Springtime bringsĀ most of the bizarre. He self medicates with Budweiser, refuses drugs and any advise, and his moods are all over...I am sure part of it is a hangover but he can be a really nasty person, and a few hrs later, he is not as bad. The reason he and I are still together is that I feel so bad for him and what will happen...when he was gone for awhile, he walked the streets and was stabbed in the back for his wallet...no one wants this man..he disrupts lives and they cannot have that..my children are older, I have been the decision maker in everything and he is content to work and give me his check..as long as he gets $$$ for cigs and beer...we spend about $350 a month on that too..I am not sure when this will end for me, but I can tell you as a person who cares about people, I will not be able to turn him into the street...we barely go anywhere, on Sat. nights he is passed out by 7:00 and when my kids are grown and gone, I will be sitting babysitting him...I sometimes pray he will die....that is horrible...but with the 3 times he has been gone from my home, he has come back because either he just appears in the middle of the night or his family is on the phone telling me how much he loves me..he cannot keep a job or care about anything when his "pattern" is off...meaning being alone and with no one wanting him, thats where I come in...his mother is very supportive of me and prays for all of us daily...but they are happy to not deal with the alcohol abuse and whatever comes with him and his "baggage". I love him, but I am not in love with him..he says he loves me, but shows very little affection..he cannot admist a fault or say he is sorry for anything..Am I alone? Is there anyone in my situation? I have an elderly aunt and mother I am an only child too, I have this person and 2 children 17 and 14..I AM OVERWHELMED!

    Thanks, Jackie

17 Comments
  • Anonymous
    Mary
    Dec. 14, 2011

    I have been married for 31 years to a bipolar alcoholic. My life has been a roller coaster for all but five years when he quit drinking, still had mood swings, but bearable without the alcohol. I stuck it out, leaving many times only to return. Now my kids are grown and my oldest is also bipolar, with a drug problem and legal issues. I finally gathered enough...

    RHMLucky777

    Read More

    I have been married for 31 years to a bipolar alcoholic. My life has been a roller coaster for all but five years when he quit drinking, still had mood swings, but bearable without the alcohol. I stuck it out, leaving many times only to return. Now my kids are grown and my oldest is also bipolar, with a drug problem and legal issues. I finally gathered enough strength, through faith, and moved out. It has been a year and a half, I am so much happier, only an RV to sell, then nothing left to divide. I still feel bad if I don't look out for him, somehow, still feeling responsible because I know he is ill. Would love to move on, but don't know how, just leaving it all up to God!  

  • Anonymous
    Annomynous
    Jul. 13, 2010

    First of all, i'd like to thank everyone of you who commented on Jackie's letter

    I really thought I was alone. I believe my husband has PTSD also.

    we've been married 31 years and together 36 years.I didn't know he was an alcoholic when we met and found out, just the past couple years, that he was bipolar. We are separated at the moment, but he wants us to try...

    RHMLucky777

    Read More

    First of all, i'd like to thank everyone of you who commented on Jackie's letter

    I really thought I was alone. I believe my husband has PTSD also.

    we've been married 31 years and together 36 years.I didn't know he was an alcoholic when we met and found out, just the past couple years, that he was bipolar. We are separated at the moment, but he wants us to try to work it out.

    My children and family are against this, because they've seen me deterriate through the years and become an emotional and physical mess, but I do worry about him so  much. It seems to have lifted my spirits,not living under that cloud anymore. Just don't know what to do, I do care about him, we've been together a long time, but like one of you said, not"in love" with  him. HELP!

  • Annomynous
    Jul. 13, 2010

    First of all, i'd like to thank everyone of you who commented on Jackie's letter

    I really thought I was alone. I believe my husband has PTSD also.

    we've been married 31 years and together 36 years.I didn't know he was an alcoholic when we met and found out, just the past couple years, that he was bipolar. We are separated at the moment, but he wants us to try...

    RHMLucky777

    Read More

    First of all, i'd like to thank everyone of you who commented on Jackie's letter

    I really thought I was alone. I believe my husband has PTSD also.

    we've been married 31 years and together 36 years.I didn't know he was an alcoholic when we met and found out, just the past couple years, that he was bipolar. We are separated at the moment, but he wants us to try to work it out.

    My children and family are against this, because they've seen me deterriate through the years and become an emotional and physical mess, but I do worry about him so  much. It seems to have lifted my spirits,not living under that cloud anymore. Just don't know what to do, I do care about him, we've been together a long time, but like one of you said, not"in love" with  him. HELP!

  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    Nov. 15, 2009

    my dads a big drinker too. I have dealt with it scince I was about ten. He's been fired beacuse of it many times. He currently has no job and the only money he gets is my social security which he  spends  on rum, wine, beer, vodka, you name it. I'm fifteen and I don't really know how to deal with it anymore. He gets so angry and violent. He calls...

    RHMLucky777

    Read More

    my dads a big drinker too. I have dealt with it scince I was about ten. He's been fired beacuse of it many times. He currently has no job and the only money he gets is my social security which he  spends  on rum, wine, beer, vodka, you name it. I'm fifteen and I don't really know how to deal with it anymore. He gets so angry and violent. He calls me names constantly tells me to leave or that i'm not his daugher. I ask him to stop all the time and that hes bullying me when he calls me a a b**** a c*** and everything else. My mom finally told him that she was divorcing him a couple months ago because he lost a job and choked her. He wouldnt stop or let go we called 911 and she had to tell that they were just fighting and we misunderstood because he told her he would hurt her again. From the moment he got the divorce papers its gotten much worse.He breaks all of her stuff and tells her that shes going to die soon. He does pot too and its really embaressing because I can't have sleepovers or friends over and I can't tell them why not either. Plus hes been mixing wine with other substance idk what it is but he constantly is going to the hospitol because hes passing out and not waking up. Untill the court date comes I have to live with him and I dont think I can anymore. What can I do? Everytime I ask him to stop destroying his liver with all this alcoholand killing his lungs with all this pot  he says that Im the one causing it that I'm the reason why this familys messed up or says that to my mother. I''m scared for him , for my mom for the future. Pleae any advice what can I do ?

  • Anonymous
    beth
    Nov. 02, 2007

    hey this is to any one who reads this!! do any of you have an older brother who has done so many things wrong and you want to talk about it? well you can. i have gone through as very hard time these past two yrs with mt brothre. i want you to kno that you are not the only one, and there are many peopel you can talk to.

  • Anonymous
    beth
    Nov. 02, 2007

    hey this is to any one who reads this!! do any of you have an older brother who has done so many things wrong and you want to talk about it? well you can. i have gone through as very hard time these past two yrs with mt brothre. i want you to kno that you are not the only one, and there are many peopel you can talk to.

  • Anonymous
    Beth
    Oct. 31, 2007

    hey jakie my name is beth and i have and older brother juss like your bf. i understand what you are going through. my brother has come in in the middle of the nite saying some very grusum things. hes been in and out of jail. he also told so many lies. i am worrying about him every day and somtimes my family and i wont hear from him in like over 24 hrs. i cannot...

    RHMLucky777

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    hey jakie my name is beth and i have and older brother juss like your bf. i understand what you are going through. my brother has come in in the middle of the nite saying some very grusum things. hes been in and out of jail. he also told so many lies. i am worrying about him every day and somtimes my family and i wont hear from him in like over 24 hrs. i cannot even begine to say some of the things he has done. i love him so much, but i dont see how i can because look at all he has done to me i mean it hurts me so bad. well im gonna go but i wish you and your bf and your children luck

     

       thanks you for letting me kno i am not alone

     

     

                     beth

     

  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    Oct. 10, 2007
    this is far too close for comfort.  we have been together 15 years.  after I became pregnant 7 years ago, he stopped holding my hand or hugging me.  Not one sign of emotional closeness.  and yes, I am the casue of his drinking.  It is me.  he is verbally abusive and when I stand up to him, he is physically abusive.  i have...
    RHMLucky777
    Read More
    this is far too close for comfort.  we have been together 15 years.  after I became pregnant 7 years ago, he stopped holding my hand or hugging me.  Not one sign of emotional closeness.  and yes, I am the casue of his drinking.  It is me.  he is verbally abusive and when I stand up to him, he is physically abusive.  i have a seven year old son.  i feel i cannot risk leaving in case I lose half of my son.  I cannot protect him if he is alone with his father.  I cannot discuss anything with him because he will just blame me and use fowl language and tell me to drop dead.  I am beautiful, intelligent and a former model.  how did I end up like this at the age of 43?  I geuss it happens to the best of us.
  • Anonymous
    celissa
    Sep. 27, 2007
    No Jackie..you are not alone..I am married to a bi-polar/alcoholic...he has just come full circle with me in the 4 years that we have been together,I married a sweet man..one whom adored me and I could feel his love for me...now he is nasty...he verbally and emotionally abuses me...he is drinking excessively and not only beer now...but tequila...I do not know...
    RHMLucky777
    Read More
    No Jackie..you are not alone..I am married to a bi-polar/alcoholic...he has just come full circle with me in the 4 years that we have been together,I married a sweet man..one whom adored me and I could feel his love for me...now he is nasty...he verbally and emotionally abuses me...he is drinking excessively and not only beer now...but tequila...I do not know him anymore...anyway maybe we can talk sometimes...I am so sad right now....he has torn my life apart...
  • Anonymous
    springtime
    Jun. 22, 2007

    Jackie, I know how you feel. My SO doesn't have bipolar ( I was on this site looking for info regarding a paper I am writing) but he does have ADD with AS traits, and problems with alcohol. He too will drink 10-12 beers a day, more on the weekends.


    We're each others best friend, although lately it feels more like I am his best friend, without much being...

    RHMLucky777

    Read More

    Jackie, I know how you feel. My SO doesn't have bipolar ( I was on this site looking for info regarding a paper I am writing) but he does have ADD with AS traits, and problems with alcohol. He too will drink 10-12 beers a day, more on the weekends.


    We're each others best friend, although lately it feels more like I am his best friend, without much being given in return. We're together, we live together, but we're not a 'real' couple...much of the time I feel like I am his caretaker more than anything else.


    He has had a tough childhood, not being diagnosed with ADD till he was in his twenties. He only tried meds for a few months, and that was 7 years ago. Long before me. He realises he needs meds, but won't do anything about getting back on them, or consider therapy or anything.


    He's got a demanding and very stressful job, that he does well at, but it takes every ounce of energy he's got to concentrate and keep his focus on the tasks at hand. So much so that there is nothing left when he comes home. That is, when I pick him up from work. See, he totalled his van last summer due to drink & drive, and lost his lisence for 2,5 years.


    But now I am rambling, just wanted you to know there is someone out there who knows atleast partially what your going through. It's tough to be the only one to care for someone with problems like these, especially when they seem so incapable of giving something back. Not always, there are good days too, but you know what I mean.


    Best wishes.


    - springtime.

  • Anonymous
    Sunny
    Jun. 06, 2007
    As I read your message tears came to my eyes. I am there, too, We have "been together" 16 yrs and have a 12 yr old.
    He, like yours, is a bi-polar alcoholic. The old medicine he takes is beer and cigs, because "there's nothing wrong with me" he says. Of course I am the problem and am the cause of everything- according to him.
    It seems to me he is getting worse....
    RHMLucky777
    Read More
    As I read your message tears came to my eyes. I am there, too, We have "been together" 16 yrs and have a 12 yr old.
    He, like yours, is a bi-polar alcoholic. The old medicine he takes is beer and cigs, because "there's nothing wrong with me" he says. Of course I am the problem and am the cause of everything- according to him.
    It seems to me he is getting worse. Sometimes when he's talking, I haven't a clue as to what he's talking about. And he always tries to pick fights with me.
    I know something has to be done. But I'm lost. Sure people say, just pack up and go. Well- been there, done that. And, yes it can be done, but it's not that easy. I disappeared for almost a year (when our son was 6 wks old). I was a nervous wreck, always looking over my shouder, living in fear that we'd be found, etc..
    Anyway, believe me, I KNOW how you feel. Most of the time I absolutle hate it here! Of course, he ALWAYS tells me, I can go anytime, but his son has to stay. That is a joke! He does absolutely nothing with him! Sorry to go on and on and I could talk about this forever. I just want to let you know....
    You are NOT alone. I'm here for you.

    • Anonymous
      Ed
      Oct. 12, 2010

      Im actually responding to alot of post on here. I am a 30 year old man and recently had my brother come move in with me. He has Bi polar and is a bad drunk. When I say bad I mean bad. He drinks 2 of these 4loco and is in a blackout. You cant say anything to him cause he turns it into a physical fight.  My life was going good until he came to live with...

      RHMLucky777

      Read More

      Im actually responding to alot of post on here. I am a 30 year old man and recently had my brother come move in with me. He has Bi polar and is a bad drunk. When I say bad I mean bad. He drinks 2 of these 4loco and is in a blackout. You cant say anything to him cause he turns it into a physical fight.  My life was going good until he came to live with me,now I feel like a frigging teenager fighting and all the Bs that goes with arguments.  He does this same thing to everyone he has lived with before me. His ex-wife, his friends. Its actually taking my mind of my life goals, and sidetracking me to a place of evil I cant stand to be around. He has been threating my life receantly, and I mean real threats. And out of nowhere he started buying these huge knives. I  truly think he will try to kill me if I dont get away from him. And its disturbing and scary.So I feel for all of you, and just know that it effects all kinds of people. The only way to better the situation is to get away from it, Its so unhealthy. GOOD LUCK to everybody....

  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    May. 07, 2007

    Thank you so much...I just watch my life pass me by..I know he drinks to "medicate"the problem but to him he has NO problem...everyone else has and is the problem..

    Thanks for sharing..

    • Anonymous
      Anonymous
      May. 19, 2007
      Please don't waste your life for this guy. He is not your responsibility. My husband is now living with his father after being diagnosed with Bipolar I in March. He won't take his meds and believes that our relationship is the only problem. His mother thinks I'm the best thing that's ever happened to him but he is going to lose me too. They...
      RHMLucky777
      Read More
      Please don't waste your life for this guy. He is not your responsibility. My husband is now living with his father after being diagnosed with Bipolar I in March. He won't take his meds and believes that our relationship is the only problem. His mother thinks I'm the best thing that's ever happened to him but he is going to lose me too. They don't get better because they don't want to. They suck all the life out of you and you lose your sense of self too. GET OUT WHILE YOU CAN!
    • Jackie
      May. 28, 2007

      Is your husband a drinker also? Not that that makes a difference because he won't take meds either...I wish you luck and possibly I will find my way out of this someday.


      Thanks

  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    May. 07, 2007
    im going through the same thing except he takes meds. He never shows any affection, in fact he hasnt kissed me in a year! your not alone...............
  • shmity72
    Apr. 27, 2007

    he needs to get a grip. you need to be responsible for someone.

     

     

    YOU.

     

    ...and that's all I can afford you at this juncture.