So it's been a week since the roughest portion of my major meltdown and I have a few observations I've made from looking back. Here's what I know.
1. My mind runs way too fast. It takes more than all the energy and sanity I have to keep up with the velocity in which my thoughts run. The madness comes when I can't process all of the thoughts that fight for dominance.
2. The overload sends my emotions into an unhealthy frenzy. After close to five uncontrollable crying fits in one week, I've been sleeping a couple of extra hours a day this week to fend off the exhaustion.Thank Mom and Dad for a roof over my head and food on my table at age 27!
3. Medicine is not a cure-all. Of course, this one I already sort of knew, but never let it register until times like these. With our body chemistry constantly changing through the course of our lives, medicine that worked in the past won't necessarily work in the present and vice versa. Sure, I still confidently believe I will find a combination of medication that will bring me to an equilibrium so staying sane will be an easier task than it has been, but I ultimately need to lean on the invaluable lessons learned in therapy as well as belief in a power outside my own to keep me anchored. This isn't a sermon in the making, but a simple statement that without God, I'd be in a worse state believe me. I hope this doesn't stir argument but I want to be clear about my observations and leave nothing out. I am still here in any capacity because of the aforementioned things.
That's all I have at the present. Keep pressing on and I hope to hear from any who read this soon.
Yep, Amen...
I am finding the same thing...
I've been much more anxiety filled than normal...one of my bi-polar friends calls it the bi-polar spring weather...always changing, not quite making it's mind up as winter subsides and summer arrives. Spring is my absolute favorite time of the year but it wreaks alot of havoc with my hypersensitive self.
I went to the pdoc for the first time today. Waited 5 months to get in...
He wanted to add Seroquel to the Tegretol...I reluctantly consented and then went to pick it up...no way can I afford that!! So he gave me the option of adding trazodone instead. Hubby & I have to discuss.
Good Luck Adam as you continue your journey.
I'm not sure about Tegretol (never heard of it) but I took Seroquel for a few years. While it did the job of slowing my mind down it did so at the price of my energy. It was one of the most sedating medications I've ever taken. Didn't matter how much I slept, I was still tired. I know it's not that way for everyone, but I thought I'd give you a heads-up on it if your pdoc didn't. But I liked the name your friend had for our Spring fits. Thanks for stopping by.
Adam
My husband has bipolar and refuses to take meds. How do you know when to seek for help?
I am wife of bipolar husband. Currently separated for the 3rd time in 20 years. He has just come to me and said that he truly thinks he is bipolar...finally admitting it is 90% of the battle. Was on lamotragine for past 10 years and went off last April. Was manic by Sept.
It truly has to come from them. They have to WANT to want help in order to receive help. I personally had to wait 8 months until he (right now) is in severe depression. They will NOT listen to anything you have to say while manic stage. I have been through this identical situation 3 prior times. Love and patience and deep commitment to your marriage is needed to succeed. If you think that there really isn't anything to "save", you need to let go. You cannot help him unless he accepts your help. I wish you all the best and will be praying for you as well.
Thank you so much for your reply. Your story is identical as mine. I too, have been married for 20 years. My husband went off Lithium two years ago in April. Since then he had two episodes including this Spring. It has been so hard on the kids. He just seems so self involved and couldn't careless about anybody else. The strange thing is I love him dearly and still want to stay married to him. Because I know when he gets out of this stage, he is a very good man and a good dad. The hardest part is watching him destroying his life and all the relationships with people that loves him.
The only thing that I can only do now is trust in God and lean on his strength to get us through this stage. And pray that my husband will soon seek for help.
Again thank you for your reply. It's so helpful to know that I am not alone.
Blessings to you and your family.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE! I have felt that for so long and other support people do not understand our deep love for each other and do not support me not following through with the divorce. We have our preliminary hearing in front of the judge next week. We plan to keep it as I need to protect myself and our children. By the way, we have a daughter that is rapid bipolar also, she is medicated, but severly depressed at the time because of the manifestations caused by this recent mania. I will get through this...duo of depressions. I am strong and if I come out on the other end with my family in tact, fabulous. If I come out on the other end single and in tact, fabulous.
You need to stay strong and do as much research as humanly possible without any guilt on your part. This is not your fault. BP is such a devistating disease when left untreated and unfortunately those affected the most are the ones that the BP person loves the most.
Hang in there! Be a strong woman and get help yourself, I did and feel wonderful with myself. with or without my husband, i will prevail!
God Bless.
I have nothing but props to give to both of you in the strength you're displaying and only hope that when God blesses me with a family, I'll have a wife half as amazing as the two of you. I'm also glad that one of my posts got you talking to each other. It's such an incredible priveledge that my post has brought something positive for someone else unintentionally. I pray the best for both of you.
Adam
Thanks Adam...We do not often receive any "cudo's" for the deep emotional turmoil that we go through. I only hope and pray that my husband who has just come to the rationalization that he truly IS bipolar will continue on his long road to recovery. Sometimes, that alone is enough, just knowing that we personally did everything in our power to get help for the one(s) that we love.
I have felt so alone. Friends and family are so supportive during the manic phase and help me strengthen and grow for myself. When the depressive phase hits and I need to be supportive to the person who has hurt me and our children so deeply, they really have a difficult time understanding my loyalty to my husband.
Keep your fingers and toes crossed that he himself this time will admit and take care of it for once and for all and we can continue to live out the rest of our lives in peace that we deserve.
Thanks again Adam!!
You remind me of John Nash's Wife potrayed by Jennifer Connely in A Beautiful Mind. She stuck with her schizophrenic husband through very scary times when he would act out toward people in the room that weren't there and the like. I bet her family and friends thought that she was out of her mind, but she loved him, and that was it. I often times think that my wife-whoever she'll be-will see something in me that's beautiful and worth sticking around for. I will pray for your husband as well. It's a very difficult thing to sift through the madness and yell for help with choked breath, especially with millions of thoughts raging simulataneously begging for attention and authority. And I hate to sound cliche with this, but you are never alone. I've discovered that whether you "feel"him or not, God is right beside you. I mean, if I had not had the promises that God provided through my family and friends, there would be no "recovering" for me. God has been my sanity when nothing makes sense. I don't know what you believe but I am praying for you and your family. Let me know if there is anything else I can pray for.
Thanks again Adam. I do feel like her and truly identify with that movie. Obviously my husband is not to that degree, but the pain and hurt are the same.
I do believe. Without Supreme assistance, I wouldn't be the strong woman that I am. I believe that I was put on this earth to help and love my two bipolars live long successfull HEALTHY lives.
You mentioned in your post that you have been separated from your husband three times. Did that help your husband to realize that it's time for him to get help?
In a nutshell...every single time. But I used the separation to heal ME and for ME to come alive and heal and grow. Knowing that the separation may be permanent and in order for ME to survive, I needed to become healthy and love myself with or without the person I love. As you make yourself more healthy and independent, typically the bipolar person can see all of the positive changes you have made and actually envies them. They truly do want to become healthy...they just really don't know how to do it and if they are not ready to admit and own up to the BP disease, all you can do is attempt to help, YOU seek counceling (it changed me in my very first session). I had the attitude of...if I remain married and it really works out, great but if I have to plug on alone (for a while) that is going to be fine too.
Hang in there and focus your energies on getting you healthy. You can't love someone else until you love yourself first. For the first time in my life, I actually love myself (well getting there anyway) and now that my hubby and I are talking...really talking, OUR healing process can begin.
If you need me for absolutely anything, please feel free to email me directly if you wish...slaub@chorus.net
God Bless and Happy Mother's Day!
Thank you for your wisdom advise. I also thank you for your offer to email you directly. I will take your offer as I am walking through this difficult process.
I wish you a very Happy Mother's Day.
God Bless!
Thank you for your wisdom advise. I also thank you for your offer to email you directly. I will take your offer as I am walking through this difficult process.
I wish you a very Happy Mother's Day.
God Bless!