My husband has been diagnosed with depression, though I really feel that the depression is something more than just depression. He has these moods, and I have noticed that he cycles. The cycles are becoming more frequent and intense. We have been together for 4 years and although I have seen him make great strides I also see the symptoms getting worse. I think though that partly this is because he is dealing with his issues that have been kept below the surface. I want to understand and help but I know that nothing I really do can help him. I can't understand what he is going through and that scares me. He sees a therapist regularly, actually weekly and although at first I wasn't a big fan of this therapist, I have seen how much my husband has grown to respect his opinions and has made our lives better because my husband has been seeing him. Before we were expecting I was managing very well because I could handle the moods and deal with it and it didn't really affect anyone else. Though now because we have a baby on the way I am very concerned about the moods and the impact this will have on our child.
The cycles are difficult to really explain because I haven't really kept track of them, though I do notice that the elated times are not as long. He complains that he isn't a happy person, and that he has nothing to look forward to. This hurts me because he has me and we have a baby on the way but that isn't enough for him. He gets these grandiose ideas and runs with them. He doesn't really think through the process and this has never really bothered before but now that we are expecting I am more concerned. I worry more about money and the way things are going with us as a couple because this isn't just about me anymore it's about us and the baby on the way. He is very critical about things and very quick to pass judgment on others, and expect more than he should from people. He is very egotistical and cocky about himself and things he does. He expects that everyone is to agree with him and when anyone tries to have a conversation that my offer a different opinion that person is just arguing with him. Many times I am that person that is just arguing, not just trying to shed another light on the situation.
He is always looking for a way to make himself happy. He isn't cheating on me but that does concern me. I haven't lost my desire to be with him but because of his moods and his depression I just have no interest in being sexual with him. There are times when I want to be with him and then when I am getting ready to make my move so to speak his mood or behavior just completely makes me not in the mood anymore. He thinks the reason is because I am not attracted to him anymore or that our sex is boring and that is not the case. Rather our sex is not intimate for us. He can't get close to me sexually and seems to have to use fantasies to be with me. These fantasies always include me, though rarely include himself in the actual act. Though I am usually trying to find a way to include him because I want that closeness. He is scared to get too close to me.
I did take the time to read through your post and an glad that writing your thought out helps put things in a better light for you. Most of us are the same way and use a journal (on-line or notepad) to get a better understanding of things.
A lot of how you are describing your husbands(egotistical, grandiose,very critical about things and very quick to pass judgment on others) an so fourth might be related to the illness or just a personality trait. It also sounds like you are trying to diagnose him with bipolarism because of his moods. Leave the diagnoses to a trained professional.
It's so easy for us and others to explain somewhat bad behavior as it being the illness and not what it really is...bad behavior. It is also easy to see that you have little to no respect for your husband and I would expect the reverse to be the case also of your husband not showing you the respect you deserve either.
To the part of saying he was depressed one day and the next happy because of a party is a crock on his end. Either you are depressed or not and you don't get to pick the days, weeks or months when it happens. It just happens with our illness.
My guess it that it is more of a communication/marital problem, than then illness. Its good that the two of you have a therapist to try and work things out. The main goal of individual therapy is to work on yourself to get back on tract. If you go in and waste it complaining about others...you are tossing money in the wind, that's what we have friends for.
Hopefully things will work out between the two of you, but I am guessing that if things don't change soon, its going to flop. Good luck