Here's what I want, I want a healthier emotional life and sex life. I want to not hurt people close to me when I feel down just because I am wigging out doesn't mean its her fault you know? Additionally, I want to cope better at work, regardless of what mood I'm in. It sucks when co-workers avoid me because I must be wearing on my face how I feel inside... I am afraid of being stigmatized with the label "bipolar"... Meanwhile, I know that my relationship could benefit from couples counseling...would love it but we can't currently afford it! We are seeking to be more open about ourselves to each other, talking things through together all on our own. I can attest that this is definitely helping us. Just this weekend I opened up about stuff I have kept bottled up for years. Stuff about my very dysfunctional childhood, etc. She thanked me for sharing and we were both doing a lot of crying too. I asked her some specifics about what she wants out of our relationship, and she expressed herself quite well, and I will work toward helping reach those goals. She says she wants me to stop those dark moods where I lash out. At the same time, she said that she knows the "real" me underneath it all and that I'm a good person, just that these moods are hard to cope with, and she wants me to stop hurting her when I get in those moods. Guess what? I want that too. How do I stop though? Now there's the hard part. It seems we are experts at feeling bad, yet I have to say, our mutual cry session was a relief to me, and I think she felt so too. My hope is that we can continue to grow together emotionally, and be able to connect better intimately as well. Time will tell! Let's just say, I have hope, I know nothing's perfect, but I have faith in us, and who we are.