Wednesday, November 11, 2009
I'm 20 years old. I've been with my boyfriend for a year and it has been a very difficult time. His manic and depressed episodes are very frequent every week if he drinks every week and every few weeks if he is trying not to drink.
When he drinks he can be very insulting and act strangely, it scares me alot. When I tell him this when he is feeling more stable it is very upsetting for him and I feel quilty for making him feel this way.
He missed his first psychotherapy session and I think he was happy about that. I can understand he is worried but he said he wanted to get help so we could stay together.
I'm so confused as to what the best thing for me to do is. Should I just leave and let him do what he wants and stop nagging him to get help and sort it out. Or should I stick by him and accept that this is the way he is? I am the only person who knows the extent of his condition and I feel like I can not cope alone any longer. I can't tell my parents or friends because they would tell me to stay away from him and make sure I do and I dont want to because I love him. And I know if I told his family he'd feel betrayed. He is 10 years older than me and often uses the excuse that he is older and I should not tell him how to live his life. But I don't think I'm in the wrong I only want to help, I just don't know if I can and I feel I am fastly becoming more unstable the longer I have to cope alone.
I would love to hear from those of you with bi-polar and those who are loved ones for advice. x
understand that these are only thoughts in reply to your sharepost... they are neither right or wrong, good or bad, sugar or salt... just thoughts and only thoughts:
you are 20 so... you are a legal adult
and he is 30 so... he is a legal adult
so... how is it that you family can forbid you to see him and make certain you can't?
I can see you being 15 and he 30 cause that's illegal, for one thing and another... just not appropriate but... you are 20 and he is 30. Just wondering, just curious.
Per your sharepost you strike me as one who has a very low sense of self. I say this because you've hooked up with a much older person AND you feel guilty for making him upset by telling him his drinking makes you upset. This tells me that you value his opinions way above yours and therefore, you have a low sense of self.
He is correct on one point: You can't tell him how to live his life and what he is or isn't to do or how to live it. NOR can he tell you how to live yours or what you are to do or how to do it neither. You are 2 individual people who have no control over how each other feels or responds to anything. You ARE only responsible for how YOU feel and respond.
You do not say that he has Bipolar. You only refer to "his manic and depressed episodes".
You do say that he is not taking any prescribed medication... I know this because you say he drinks and by the way you've typed... he drinks quite a lot and actually too much.
Alcohol affects and effects mood, impulse, and behavior. It can make one angry, volatile, and destructive. It can also make one weepy, giddy, and stupid. Sometimes, it can make some folks all of the above at the same time. It affects and effects the brain and nervous system, not to mention the Liver and other vital organs with time. It is also a depressant.
He is most likely using it as self medication and as such... it simply won't work and you are already seeing and reaping the consequences of such. You are going through and riding along the roller coaster and are being tossed and turned every which a way. IT will only get worse in time, if he truly has Bipolar, and he continues to not be properly treated AND drink copious amounts of alcohol as a means of self medicating.
ONLY you can decide sug as to whether you want to spend your life with someone who will no doubt be in and out of episodes, and drinking binges. Only you can decide what you are willing to tolerate and allow in your life.