30+ years

By g&j Sunday, August 15, 2010

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I have been married for over 30 years to a bp man. We got pregnant as teens and have 2 kids now, obviously adults. I am just so tired of this. I ahve thought about divorce several times, have inquired about it. But here I sit. I have always stood by him, and supported him. But I feel as though I have reached my limit. I can not do anything right, or not as good as he can. He is always right, with everything and everybody. He screams and yells at the drop of a hat. He sees a psychiatrist but doesn't take the meds. I don't smile anymore. I hate him most of the time. But for some stupid reason I stay. I have a strong sense of responsibilty, he has written his family off, he hasn't spoken to them in 7 years. So who would take care of him, where would he go?

I am so tired of this.

Comments (2) | Add comment

Tabby

8/15/10 7:20pm

I ask this question of everyone who is similar to your situation... in a relationship for a very long length of time, raised children, built a life and then after decades decide that enough is enough but can't seem to find it within them to do anything about it

what are you getting out of this that is keeping you in it because you are getting something out of this relationship you claim you hate?

once you really sit down and think it all through and figure it all out... then you'll know and be able to see more clearly

perhaps seeking individual therapy to work on that and uncover all that and receive support and receive tools to cope with the struggles would be beneficial. You know, choose to work on yourself so that you no longer give permission for his illness to permeate and cause dysfunctioning within yourself.

until then... you are just going through a phase where you are looking backwards and you are looking forwards and your view lens is clouded by HIS illness in all directions

Eric

8/16/10 5:47am

Your no different than anyone else that at times feels everything is pointless. As to why your still there? Sounds more like co-dependent issues than anything. You mention no one else would care for him so that basically leaves you.

Now to the other issues....seeing a psychiatrist and then refusing to take the medications as prescribed or at all seems ludicrous at best. Why would you go in the first place?

People will treat you the way you allow them too. Honestly....you don't have to do anything he says and you also need to quit giving in to his issues. You really need to set boundaries in any relationship of what is and is not acceptable.

What has to be set in stone is that:

1. Taking the medications as prescribed is non-negotiable. Either you take the medications or I walk

2. Any form of mental or physical abuse is also non-negotiable. You need to get across to him how harmful the tantrums are...and that's exactly what they are and need to be addressed. When the kids were growing up...what did you do about them throwing hussy fits?

3. You need to find somethings you enjoy doing on your own to get some what I call "Me time". Me time is where you find some enjoyment in doing something (reading, drawing, gardening to name a few) that doesn't require anyone else participation and gives you some quiet time.

Nothing is going to change until you say that's it to his face. Give him a time limit to make the changes and if he is unwilling...maybe it is time to move on.

30+ years

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