My Parents Don't Understand

By kookiepoo Wednesday, June 22, 2011

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It has been about 6 yrs since I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, it took my mom at least a year to finally be able to deal with me and it took my dad 4 years. And yet, they still act as though I'm not. Some of the things they say and do just make things much worse.

I am the only person I know to have this disorder. Well besides my aunt, who I have not seen since I was about 10 yrs old. I've heard stories about how abusive and in the words of her sisters, insane she is. Around the time I was told that I am bipolar my mom compared me to her. It crushed me, but all I want is to know how I could get my parents to better understand this disorder.

Its Not Fair

Comments (7) | Add comment

yumers

6/22/11 2:49am

I think information and books are powerful. Perhaps doing a bit of research on the net or finding a book that talks about your illness will not only help you to understand your condition better, but by passing that information, at least you know that you did share with your parents what you want them to know.

I've also written letters to them explaining what's been going on and how it's a part of the illness. I know how hard it is to deal with family when it comes to addressing the illness, but I'd like to think that most parents really want the best for you. If confronting them in person isn't the ideal way, then I think putting your thoughts into words on paper, along with some scientific info, might be one way of getting through to your family.

Donna-1

6/22/11 6:42am

Part of the stigma of being labeled bipolar (or with any other mental illness) is that you are compared w/others who are similarly labeled. We end up being all thrown in the same trash bin -- the one labeled "crazy" or "violent" or "abusive", for instance -- when we are really each individuals and should be treated as such on our own merit. I'm sorry you have to cope with having bipolar disorder and that your family doesn't understand what you're going through. With my own family, I have found relevant and easily understood information on the internet and copied it for them, and asked them to read it. I have spoken with them and told them exactly what I am feeling like at various points in my recovery, too, although they weren't always receptive to hearing it. I also asked them to do their own research, although I found out this was not the best way to go because there is a lot of really bad information out there and you don't want to make the situation worse.

Shelly

6/22/11 7:51am

I would suggest seeking out a support group for yourself. I go 2x a month to the bipolar support group sponsored by our clinic. It's a place where others understand because they are bipolar too. Peers are very good and knowledgeable in helping us with some tough questions. Chances are you are not alone in dealing with having loved ones accept and try to understand. Many people in my group bring loved ones with so they can also see that their loved one with bipolar isn't alone or weird or 'crazy'.

I agree with the other responders that self knowledge is an important piece. Knowledge is power. Knowing all you can about your own disorder will help you to be more comfortable in your own skin. You don't have to like having bipolar. I would imagine that no one likes the burden that they are to bear in life ie. any other disease, disability, ailment etc. You can become more comfortable and it can become just a part of who you are rather than an all consuming thing.

I wish you well.

Karri28

6/22/11 8:10am

I agree with the above. I've been diagnosed for about 7 yrs, and neither my parents or my siblings understand or believe that I have bipolar. My Mom thinks I just need to take the right organic stuff for it and meditate. My Dad thinks it's all in my mind (I feel like saying "well duh") and that everyone has their ups and downs and I'm just overreacting.

My best supporter is my husband, and his family. He actually took the time to research it and so did his family. My husband even researches the meds I take so he knows of possible side effects and such.

My sister is a psych nurse, my father is a psychologist. My point is, some people just don't want to understand. They stick their head in the sand. They don't want to believe that someone they are related to could have this illness. Even when they have the knowledge, they sometimes just don't want to.

I hope this is not the case with your family.

Will be praying for you and your family.

kookiepoo

6/22/11 11:15pm

I would just have to thank you for all your advice, I can not even begin to express how much it has helped me. After reading your comments, I had tears. I finally feel like I'm not alone. In order to inform my parents, I had the idea to have my parents talk to my therapist to help them understand how I'm feeling.

Thank You So Much

Hopeful mom

6/23/11 12:17pm

It is very difficult to accept. I told myself for years that my son only had ADHD but couldn't deny it any more when we had to hospitalize him at age 15. "The Bipolar Child" really helped me. I've had to educate myself as much as possible and we are lucky to have a wonderful psych nurse and therapist to help get him back on track when things get wacky.

Parents deal with many different emotions regarding this. Guilt is a major thing to overcome. There are several people on my side of the family with the disorder. So, of course I feel guilty that he inherited it from my gene pool. When I realized he actually had a problem, I felt very guilty for the way I handled some of the issues from when he was younger. My husband gets angry with him when he treats us badly and he feels like I cater to him too much. I probably do to a point but I always want our son to know that he has me to rely on when he needs me.

Tabby

6/24/11 9:15pm

I've been diagnosed since 2005

I've tried, countless times, to educate my family... to show them... to try and help them understand

THEY REFUSE

I've stopped trying

Instead, I've educated myself. I joined this site in 2005 and I'm on another site as well. I read, research, and try to keep up with the news regarding Bipolar.

I try to manage my illness so that it doesn't manage me. I try to do for me so that I need not rely on or require any of them to assist me - for they won't or they bitch of how I'm an inconvenience or it's all in my head or I'm just crazy.

What is worse is: My mother was diagnosed when I was little and would not try any treatment. My older sister's husband is diagnosed, as well, and refuses any type of treatment. I am talking ANY TYPE of treatment, therapy or meds.

My mother is passed, my brother in law still lives. They both are/were highly volatile, highly abusive, selfish angry people.

Because of them... and then I was diagnosed... the family puts me in the exact same basket. Regardless of how different I am, how different my illness is to theirs. They have/had Bipolar... I have Bipolar... therefore, I am "just like them" and whereas they use/used excuses or selfish justifications... I try REALLY REALLY hard not to excuse and to own up. They refuse to see this... to them I am "just like...." cause I have Bipolar.

So, no matter how much education - talk - books - or even referring them to this site and the other site... the psych hospitalizations... asking them to attend group or family therapy.... they refuse

and I

I've stopped trying

My Parents Don't Understand

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