At the present moment, I am considered a moderately successful individual. To date, I have been blessed with a good career, good friends, a college education, and the many other blessings of life.
To the observer, most would say, that I'm like everybody else. I look like your neighbor next store. But, looks can be deceiving. The saying, "Never judge a book by its cover." is the best analogy, to describe this. Although, I look like everyone else on the outside, I am quite different. Sometimes, I feel, like I am an actor on a stage. Because, I must work so hard, to look like and act like everyone. It takes all the energy and more, that I can muster. At, the end of the day, I am exhausted from being in my "real-life" play.
Well, you are probably wondering what I am hiding from everyone. It isn't anything most could guess about me, except the people closest to me. But, it is the shadow, that follows me day and night and will for the rest of my life.
This shadow is my mental illness, primarly bipolar disorder. I have been sick for, as long, as I can remember. It started around the age of eight years old. I began to battle severe depression, that was triggered my my parents nasty divorce. Then, I started dealing with obsessive thoughts. For school projects, I would throw away hundreds of pieces of paper away, because it wasn't perfect enough. The mania started, as a child, too. I would stay up til one or two, and get up the next day for school.
These symptoms escalated to the point of incomprehension. I have no idea, how I lived through my childhood. All I had was my belief in God, but he got me through. That's why I am here to write this today.
With all my issues, I was still a good student and was very talented. I was very artistic, and used this to express myself. This was a very cathartic experience. But, the really challenge was ready to begin.
At eighteen, I went into the military. While, in, I suffered from a massive nervous breakdown and was in a hospital for 6 months. The doctors, said that I would never be normal again. I suffered all kinds of problems you can imagine. Basically, I was out of this world. I went somewhere else.
But, it was during this time, that I had a personal transformation. While, I was 3,000 miles from my family and only had one visit from a family member during the six months, it was a time, that I grew spiritually. My life changed. No longer did I think of myself, but my priority was for the welfare of others.
I would use my days in the hospital to try to help others, in turn, they would help me. And, vice versa. In this sad and lonely world, I learned at eighteen, that we are all tied together. We can radically change the world, by helping others, was my motto.
