Bipolar the nightmare of life!!!!!!

so don't leave him

it is easy for those, not literally breathing and blood pumping within your circle to say, leave him.  it's very easy.  it's almost 95% the right thing to do but, that's not the point.  point is, it's very easy to say and only as hard as the one who needs to make that decision can... well, make that decision.

since he's verbally bashed you, emotionally drained you, is a deadbeat in regards to money and job, is lazily laying around the house and I bet - I bet - not on any prescription regimen, no mental health treatment, no therapy, and may even be self-medicating with drugs or alcohol, I guess it's gotten to be okay with you to live with him day in and day out.

so, why are you posting?

what magic words do you want said that you think will fix him for you?

what do you want someone here to say to you that will make all your troubles vanish?

is it maybe for someone to tell you what you should do?  you won't like the majority of the answers to that one so skip wanting that advice because it would involve separation and well.. you clearly don't want that.  not divorce, just separation and boundary lines he can't cross but nope, you don't want that advice - too much trouble for you to keep on your part.

so live with the husband you said your vows to, continue to deal with his daily living habits that kill your spirit and drain your soul, do not hold him accountable to his illness and to the responsibility of improving it and managing it, and allow him to cross boundary lines both physically and financially.

it is very very true - we do teach others how to treat us.

I say run. Physical abuse is never OK.

I've been in your shoes. I tried everything to make things better. In the end I had to make the choice because I realised that if I stayed in the relationship any longer I would not have the strength to leave. I left..and I missed him very much for a while. Now...a few months down the track I see perspective for the first time in a very long while. I don't know how I kept going for so long. I now realise how exhausted I was and how much better and more energised I feel now.

He will never take responsibility for his behaviour while you put up with it and while you prop him up. Yes, I know he is really charming and I know there is great chemistry which you think you won't find elsewhere....it is one of the enigmas of the illness. You are doing the best for him and for yourself by getting yourself to a place where you can begin to have some perspective, where you are not under his control, where things are not turned around constantly to blame you. It ends up being so confusing. Its mental torture for you.

Give yourself a break....I know its not easy and you are weakened from trying to deal with all this but believe me, in a few months you will feel better, stronger and in a better position to make the judgements you need to better your life. Give yourself that chance. At the very least take a long holiday with friends or family...somewhere close enough  for you to continue working while you get back on your feet. Right now....I want you to sit down and make a list of the good things about the relationship and then make another one about the bad things....It will be there in black and white for you to see if ever you see yourself wavering.

My prayers and best wishes. Rusty

I am living the same life as you.  The first thing I tell myself is that this is not the person I married.  The person I married was passionate about life, loving, loved my children from another marriage and was my best friend and soul mate.  My husband or the alien living in his body started with depression about 2 years ago, that has rapidly progressed to bipolar / manic and each and every day I just don't know what I am going to find.  He has also been physically abusive and WHAT A MOUTH .... verbally abusive  ... oh my!!!  Lately, the cycles have been very bad and very short sometimes in one day, he will go through euphoria, depression, bouts of crying, spending .. you name it, I have seen it all .. IN ONE DAY.  Last week, I had enough I came to the realization that my husband died 2 years ago.  He doesn't want to get medicated, he lies to the Dr.  (you know same old - we all live it).  As much as I love him I am no longer "in love" with him.  I know that I cannot help him.  I have 2 girls and a boy and I don't ever want the girls to think that this is the way that they should be treated ... EVER.  Last week, after the worst verbal abuse I have ever taken in my entire life, I asked him to move out, he won't ... it has been a week now and after a week of no talking he made a swing the other way, I came home to find him at the kitchen table crying saying things like ... if there was ever anyone I wanted to marry it was you, why are you doing this to me?, why do you hate me so much?, why do you have to be so mean to me when you speak to me.  As we all know, it is not true, this is the way that he treats me and obviously has extreme remorse and guilt .. he cried for hours and while my heart aches for him because he is ill and cannont control the illness. I will miss him ... yes, but I am taking the necessary steps to a legal separation because I deserve to be happy in this life and so do my kids.  I am taking the kids to Disney in August without him (and he is mad because he wanted MY money for something else).  I can't help him, I realize that now and there is no shame and no failure in helping yourself.  The failure is in NOT helping yourself and continue to be an enabler to your husband.  He must accept responsibility for his illness.  NOT YOU, it is not your battle, nor is it your mission in life to be unhappy, or undeserving of love.  As much as I love him when he is in a normal state, the one day  a month does not EVER make up for the 29 bad.  It has now become a matter of survival for me.  In order for me to be happy, I need to have the distance and a boundary and so do you.