I had been without a depressive or manic episode for nearly six months. Unitl yesterday.
Without realizing it--being busy with my kids--I missed two days of taking my meds. Just two days and my entire world fell apart. In fact, I am surprised that I am even able to write this sharepost. My universe is dim, my head fogged.
The change in mood started with a sense of impending doom. Nothing had changed in my life, but it seemed everything was suddenly wrong. Then, there it was: Depression. I couldn't sleep, but couldn't get out of bed either. Restless, anxious, depressed, I dragged myself to the bathroom a few times. I wasn't able to get myself to brush my teeth or get a shower, but I could at least urinate.
The rest of the day I wrestled with my mind in the bed. Today, I am at least able to get on the computer. Depression for me usually lasts months. That makes me feel hopeless. And I think that is all I have the energy to write for now.
I can both empathize and sympathize with how you are feeling. When I don't take my meds, I can quickly fall back into depression. Sometimes in just a day or two, like you said. Do you think that getting right back on the meds might pull you out quickly, or are you afraid you are in it for the long haul?
I also know what you mean by wanting to do nothing but lie in bed, yet not be able to sleep. I do a lot of that when I'm depressed. Isn't it miserable? I'm afraid I don't have a solution for it, either, besides the usual suggestions of exercise, meditation, writing in a journal, etc. All of those seem to help me to some degree.
You are brave to post your picture. I did that...once...and quickly took it back off. I was afraid people would find out how bad I felt and know who I was and something awful might happen. But that was probably just the depression speaking.
Thank you for your comment.
I think there may be a good chance that I can get through this more quickly than usual since I only missed two days of meds. I hope.
I don't worry much about posting my picture. But I understand why you would not, considering the stigma of mental illness.