As requested, I am creating a separate sharepost in which I share the personal reflexions that came about following the reading of that post*. Hopefully it can be helpful to many others. It is a tidbit of my own journey through the world of mental-health, which is still ongoing. I now have internet set up at home (as of today), so I will be able to come to the site regularly so I can get to know you all better and share more of my reflexions as they come about.
*This was writtem as a response to a sharepost here entitled "What You Need to Know About Borderline Personality Disorder - Part ll" http://www.healthcentral.com/bipolar/c/15/53412/personality-disorder
"I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder at 18, during my first hospitalisation. The diagnosis was given, immediately and was obvious: BPD. I was young, suicidal, and self-injured. Since then, I have been following treatment for this diagnosis, intensively most of the time. I've been hospitalised many times, I've done dialectical behaviour therapy, cognitive behaviour therapy, day hospital programs, therapy groups, individual therapy, art therapy, drama therapy, I've lived in shelters, transition homes, supervised apartments... you name it, I've probably tried it. That being said, unlike most borderlines, I've never given up on a therapy, I didn't miss appointments or get in fights with people, I wouldn't make excessive phone calls between appointments. Pretty much every professional I've delt with long-term loved working with me - not that people with BPD aren't loveable, but some of our behaviours can wear a person down. Successful short-term relationships (in hospital ERs for example) become quasi-impossible as soon as the word "borderline" is read or pronounced.
It is in the past year that the therapist who worked with me daily for 6 months at a transition home told me that she thought maybe I didn't just suffer from BPD, maybe there was something else there. She said that she didn't feel the same thing working with me as she did with other borderlines. She said, theorically speaking, they would reach down to her gut and twist while with me, she just felt a deep powerlessness.
It was starting a new follow-up during the initial evaluation with a nurse that a bell clicked. He said that perhaps, I had bipolar disorder, partly because I didn't react well to antidepressants and the medication I felt was the most beneficial was Lamictal. The new psychiatrist I was to work with happened to be a specialist in mood disorders. He has increased my Seroquel saying that it has proven beneficial for people with rapid-cycling bipolar disorder.
Upon further reflextion, I realised that my self-destructive behaviours had clear reasons. For example - when I went on spending sprees, it was to purchase things to equip myself for a new project I had in mind that would be the answer to all my problems. Self-injury and suicide attempts had more to do with the chronic pain I have been dealing with since childhood than a reaction to events.
