I would definitely agree with the diagnosis of Bipolar 2. I was diagnosed with Bipolar 2 after a MAJOR depressive apisode. Prior to the depressive episode I had hypomanic behavior for nearly a year. I put myself in financial trouble, work trouble, and social trouble during that time. Only by looking back could my psychiatrist diagnose me with Bipolar 2. I also didn't display any signs of delusions or psychosis. But I was suicidal and attempted suicide during the depressive episode. I live now with minor, occasional major depressive symptoms despite being on 5 medications/day. Occasionalyy I will have a hypomanic eisode. It is usually brought on by stress or sleep problems. I can diagnose myself when I begin to stay up at night and obsess on the computer. I tell my doc and we tweak the medication.
Your description sounds so much like me but I have no idea if I am a 1 or a 2. I am on 4 meds and my doc, who is wonderful, hasn't needed to change them for about a year. My depressive episodes are happening more often again. Sometimes it gets too much for me. I still work consistently and my day to day is functional, I mean I have to I have no one else. But I feel sad all the time ... its like a dreary rainy day inside of me all the time, 24/7. When I am in the up cycle I can recognize it most of the time and I know thats my chance to get stuff done before the depression hits again. I'm just tired of it all.
LMH, your comment resonates with me! I feel at home in the 24/7 rainy day life you describe. That metaphor goes a long way in differentiating BP 1 and BP 2.
My sister, who was diagnosed with BP 1 when she was hospitalized for a sudden psychosis at age 40 (the first of many involuntary hospitalizations) has a totally different relationship with her illness than I have with mine. To her, it is living with the threat of total loss of control and devastation: brush-fires, tsunami, deadly earthquakes... But the event/episode doesn't last long, and she never seems to remember much -- or at least she doesn't talk about it much. Between her episodes she is organized, happy, productive, sociable.
I have never been hospitalized. I was nineteen when the world went dark for me. I wasn't diagnosed until I was 35. This life is, as you say, a sadness. The day may just be one long wearying drizzle; it may be relentless sheets that keep you indoors; or it may be the black drama of storms. I know what you mean when you say you are just tired of it.
Those little unexpected bursts of sunny hypomania bring creativity and hope! But they are so short -- and unexpected!
I believe there is more to this numbing internal weather than the medications that keep us safe and level. I have always complied with my Rx's and participated in my treatment. I am grateful to have been diagnosed.
I believe there is a physical as well as a spiritual aspect to my mental illness. I am also an artist, and creativity can lift me out of my depression. It isn't easy because all of these things require mental energy!
(Chatty girl!) Anyway, thamk you so much for your comment!
MSU
Chatty girl .... what you wrote is interesting. Sometimes when you feel like you are all by yourself and no one understands its comforting (even though bi-polar is a sad condition), its comforting to know that there are others who are just like you. When the depressions hit, it is hard to focus on anything except to figure a way to make it stop hurting (even though you have no idea what is hurting or why its hurting) .. Its a vicious cycle. I've been suicidal all my life but have never 'tried' anything. I've come close. I do however have a plan and even when I am in a "good" frame of mind I can't convince myself to stop thinking about it. I also know that sometimes there are absolutely no symptoms of depression. My husband randomly killed himself without any warning or signs that there were problems. It destroyed our family ... I've finally gotten to the point (3 years later) where I am living again. Maybe having gone through it will stop me from ever getting to that point. I know what it does to a family.
LMH, your comment resonates with me! I feel at home in the 24/7 rainy day life you describe. That metaphor goes a long way in differentiating BP 1 and BP 2.
My sister, who was diagnosed with BP 1 when she was hospitalized for a sudden psychosis at age 40 (the first of many involuntary hospitalizations) has a totally different relationship with her illness than I have with mine. To her, it is living with the threat of total loss of control and devastation: brush-fires, tsunami, deadly earthquakes... But the event/episode doesn't last long, and she never seems to remember much -- or at least she doesn't talk about it much. Between her episodes she is organized, happy, productive, sociable.
I have never been hospitalized. I was nineteen when the world went grey for me. I wasn't diagnosed until I was 35. My life lacks the extremes of my sister's, and it lacks the ability to right itself. During her psychoses, she is not connected to others, but between episodes her life is quite normal. My illness is always with me, and I seek to be as functional as my sister.
This life is, as you say, a sadness. The day may just be one long wearying drizzle; it may be relentless sheets that keep you indoors; or it may be the black drama of storms. I know what you mean when you say you are just tired of it. In fact, physical energy is a major point here.
Those little unexpected bursts of sunny hypomania bring creativity and hope! But they are so short -- and unexpected!
I believe there is more to this numbing internal weather than the medications that keep us safe and level. I have always complied with my Rx's and participated in my treatment. I am grateful to have been diagnosed.
I believe there is a physical as well as a spiritual aspect to my mental illness. I am also an artist, and creativity can lift me out of my depression. It isn't easy because all of these things require mental energy!
MSU
Lmh
I feel for you with the sadness. I often think about suicide sometimes daily-I have not tried anything but of course I have come close and went to the hospital. My question to you is.. My friends and family often tell me I'm not really suicidal or I would have attempted. Believe me I know how crummy I feel and to know it's all gonna come around again after this depressive episode-It is extremely hard for me to have HOPE. Any suggestions of how to deal with family and friends that don't seem to believe you?
Diagnosed with bipolar 1- 3yrs ago after being misdiagnosed with major depression for over 10 yrs. I am now 41 and tired. Thanks
Lisa
I truly feel awful for you. Depression, especially the relentless type that you have, I absolutely terrible. Nobody can understand it unless they have experienced it. The only thing I can say to you that may be of help is that if you have BP1 it is unlikely you would be able to keep down a job. I have never managed to do it in 40 years. I'm either far too depressed, crying all the time, manic and throwing things and getting angry with people, walking out, or anxious and not able to answer or speak on the phone. Wow betide any poor employer that tries to hire me. I do well in interviews, then its downhill all the way. I also have psychosis sometimes, and start thinking my employers are out to kill me. I know how it feels to be scared of this disease. But, please hang in there, and do all the usual things - regular sleep, good diet, excercise, get out in the sunshine etc . It has helped me considerably. Sally
I wish I could be as compliant with my meds. Sometimes when I hit the down side (where I am now) I just dont care. I try to care and sometimes I succeed but most of the time I don't. During my last manic phase I decided to move from a place I hated into an apartment in an area I know nothing about with no friends and no family with me. My son came home from college to visit and it made the first two weeks here bearable. He leaves in two days. I am terrified. I will be alone for the first time. Real life EMPTY NEST ... I am not sure what will happen to me now when I am alone. I've talked to my councelor and he said he thinks it is a good thing but all it makes me do is cry. ..... anyway, thanks for letting me vent! and get a few moments of worry off my mind.
I have Bipolar I, and think two of my family members may also have bipolar (but they most likely will never go and find out for sure). I know that Bipolar is hereditary so I was just wondering if the specific type is inherited or just the disorder itself? Because it seems they would be II (very functional, no mania) if anything.
I believe mental illness is heritary. I have BP 1, my mother is depressive, gma was depressive and my children are ADD and depressive/paranoia. So, I don't think you will pass on a specific disease, just a mental disorder of some degree.
Good luck with your family. Just because they don't get diagnosed, does not mean you can't help or be sympathetic.
God Bless,
Amy
I found this information to be very interesting, especially as I didn't know about the length and severity of depression in BP2. However, what I don't understand is that if BP2 is as serious as BP1, how is it that people with BP2 are not admitted to hospital? I have BP1, with many periods of psychosis, and have been admitted several times. I can see that this is necessary. But, as I said, if people with BP2 can funtion well with symptoms, why is it considered an equally serious disease?
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I was diagnosed bipolar by my general practitioner about a year ago. I just figured I was Bipolar 2 based on what I read. I didn't actually see a pdoc until June. I guess he diagnosed me Bipolar NOS. It really doesn't matter so much except in my mixed up head. Bipolar is bipolar. I'm going thru the regular trial and error with meds. It's going to take awhile I have a feeling. I'm doing intensive therapy with my wonderful therapist. I've got a great support system and people surrounding me that love me and will see me through this. I've come to the acceptance that this IS a disease that I'll have to live with and deal with for the remainder of my life.
I am so tired of the rapid cycling, as is my husband. But I guess we'll deal with it as we figure out the best meds for my situation and as I practice more and more the CBT lessons that I'm learning about.
I've learned too that it's about progress...forward progress overall that is what is necessary...
As I look back over the past year, I have made lots of progress. From knowing something wasn't quite ,to being diagnosed, to learning everything I can about this disease, to acceptance. All in a year. wow.
I know that after 5 years I'll be able to look back and see how it's not all consuming...that I'm actually living my life with great purpose and managing it well. I have HOPE that it takes less time.
God Bless,
Shelly
Shelly, Congratulations. I am so pleased you have done so well, and accepted your diagnosis. With that attitude you will be ahead of the game. Good luck. Sally
Thank you Sally for such a nice comment.
After almost another year, I can truly say that I am to the place of almost complete acceptance. I've figured out my triggers, what steps to take to feel better and know that when I have a bipolar episode it will be over quicker if I ride it out without trying to push it away.
I'm not rapid cycling anymore since I got on the correct mood stabilizer. Instead of hoping for a few days of stability in the midst of the bipolar, it's weeks of stability with only a few hours of bipolar. I'll always be more sensitive and emotional, but I don't experience the 'hyper' as much anymore. I'm calm, peaceful, full of gratitude.
Do I like experiencing bipolar episodes occasionally? NO. It's not easy being in the midst where my brain is telling me false information. My emotions are over the top. I can't think or process. But it's only hours vs days/weeks/months as in the past. I can handle that.
My family and friends are so very supportive. I have a delightful grandson and another on the way. My daughter is getting married in a week. I am going back to grad school. My life is wonderful.