age 9 to 38
recurring major depression
generalized anxiety
psychosis nos
PTSD
age 38-44
Bipolar I
Bipolar II mixed
Bipolar NOS
cyclothymia
dysthymia
Mood disorder NOS
Schizoaffective Bipolar type
Generalized Anxiety
PTSD
now, at 44.5
recurring major depression
generalized anxiety
PTSD
possible rule out of a Mood Disorder NOS
no meds
life is hideous
I am forced to work 40+ hours a week while I take in applications for MH services from folks not working and getting government SSDI for the exact same diagnoses as I
I am struggling to make ends meet & struggling to keep from killing myself because I can't be selfish and off myself... my family needs me the way I am
and I'm on no meds because I've taken all the meds since I was 9
and the meds, in general, do not take me
and the newest pdoc only suggests therapy and only obligingly gave me lithium
said I'm complicated... treatment wise so, makes no concerted effort in my opinion
and here I sit
there is no medical blood, urine, or brain scan to specifically diagnose a mental illness or a specific type of mental illness... the diagnosis you get can change and will as time rolls by and depending on which doc diagnoses you at which time in your life
the meds aren't the only fix and seldom do they actually relieve - you still have symptoms, after all
and as I get older, and the fight is so much less in me
I just don't care anymore what label they place upon me
in a way bad dark mood cycle, can ya tell?
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Sometimes I feel like I have run a gamut of diagnoses. The first was bipolar, then major depression, then schizophrenia, then schizoaffective, then PTSD, then DID, then back to chronic schizophrenia, which has remained my diagnosis for several years. I still kind of lean toward bipolar, however, because I know of two verging-on-manic episodes I have had that lasted from 2 to 4 years and many depressive cycles. And sometimes both at the same time. Nevertheless, there are also symptoms of psychosis that respond well to an antipsychotic...?
For a while, I thought it was very important to nail down a diagnosis and be SURE that was what I had. After all, I didn't want to burden my family with any false or even tentative diagnoses. I wanted the TRUTH. However, I now know that truth can have different faces and multiple meanings.
The main objective was to get help, and I did so with medication and therapy. It took a few years and many medication trials, but I have finally climbed out on top and am stable now. And it is my prognosis (good) that sustains me, not a diagnosis.