This topic drives me crazy. Sure, I miss the good old days when I could work, and when a little extra energy gave me a little extra edge. But the disease progressed, and my hypomanias are mixed episodes and miserable.
Meanwhile, many psychiatrists are under the impression the reason we go off our meds is that we miss our highs. Maybe some of you do. I went off my meds (antidepressants) because they caused my mixed episodes, and then when on the right med (lamotragine), because it didn't work.
Sure, some of you miss your highs. But do you go off your meds to get them back?
And has there been any real research on how many of you there are, compared to the rest of us for whom up is a nightmare?
First, if I went off my meds, I wouldn't get hypomanic - I'd crash into deep depression.
I hope I'm understanding your question right, Willa, when you asked, "And has there been any real research on how many of you there are, compared to the rest of us for whom up is a nightmare?" Research does show that for most people with bipolar II depression is much, much more common than hypomania. Not all.
I've never read anything that examines what percentage of people with bipolar II experience what types of hypomania. All I can say is that my episodes weren't mixed.
Going off medications because of "missing the highs" is, I think, more common in bipolar 1, but I have no scientific proof of that impression.
I love hypomania, but I also hate it. I love the incredible energy, and good feelings of hypomania. I hate the BAD decisions and the hypersexuality that sometimes shows up. I think when you live in depression most of the time despite many, many med changes, you crave hypomania, even though it may have consequences.
Hypomania may feel good when it happens, but it is important to remember that the hypomania will affect the following depression. The higher and longer it lasts, the worse the subsequent depression will be.
I never could get a handle on my depression until I learned to pay more attention to hypomania. Wellness skills such as slowing myself down during hypomania, stopping myself throughout the day to take deep breaths and sitting still every now and again. Productive activity is fine during hypomania, but keeping regular sleep hours and meal times are other wellness skills that can help.
More wellness skills are found in BeyondBipolar—7 Steps to Wellness, a book I wrote that can be found on my website at www.BeyondBipolar.com.
Don't let hypomania fool you. It fooled me for many years and took a long time for me to learn when I was experiencing it. Once I started paying more attention to taking care of myself during hypomania, my depressions became shorter and fewer.
Hi, Friends. When I am hypomanic I impulsively give things away. This has been a life long problem for me. I have many regrets about this. Do others of you suffer this behavior too?
Once I gave away one of our very special wedding gifts. This was about 5 years after we were married. When several days later I asked for it back I was told no. We've been married now almost 29 yrs. This is a long time to have a serious regret which haunts me (actually they all haunt me). I still see this acquaintance at church every week. I can't get away from the reminder. At the time this happened I didn't know I was bipolar II or anything else for that matter, and she was so immature I don't think it would have phased her anyway.
Does anyone else impulsively give things away when hypomanic? It would really help me if others have this symptom too (although I wouldn't wish this symptom on anyone).
May I mention an even more difficult symptom? My most serious current bipolar II behavior is to obsess about mistakes that I've made, like giving things away, and to relive the shame/embarrassment/regret. Images of behavior which cost me my 13 year old, 3rd grade teaching position. Impatient, even cruel, things I did to my kids (now 23 and 25) when they were young (God! I would give anything for a do over.) that they don't seem to remember and love me inspite of. Embarassing things I've said to my students in class. Inappropriate things I've said to parents. I've also done a lot of damage to my marriage.
None of my meds take this away. Many nights I have to get up after trying to fall asleep because I can not stop ruminating. These thoughts sometimes even wake me up only for me to realize that I've had a nightmare about them. When seriously depressed I believe that the torture my ruminating causes me will only disappear when I'm dead. (I've shared this with my pdoc, my therapist, and the therapist who facilitates my bipolar group. They don't seem to be too concerned about it.) The only thing to do is to take my anxiety med and go into a fuzz.
Are any of your struggling with these things?
Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) helped me a lot w/the problem of RUMINATING & going over & over my past mistakes & feeling guilty about all the things I scewed up. It really helped free me of the ruminating that fed my depression & increased the severity of my depressive episodes. I have bipolar 1 & am one of the rare people who has never had a full blown manic episose--have has mixed (awful); delusional & paranoid thinking (awful, but Abilify helped so much w/that but able to get off Abilify after 10 yrs w/skills learned in DBT); my hypo manic episodes were pure joy & one thing that I miss so much is having high self-esteem (my self-esteem when not hypo manic is in the gutter, also miss the energy & enthusiasm & excitement & creativity & feeling of joy & being fully alive.
Now I feel like a lump & I gain weight when not hypo manic as I'm not as active (playing tennis, running, even a boot camp at 5:00 a.m.--I'm just so tired despite taking Concerta & Provigil).
Please excuse any typos. Both my hands are in splints due to recent surgeries for severe carpal tunnel damage!! Not very good for typing!
Highly recommend DBT!!
Your comment reads like MY list of hypomanic behaviors! But I'm lucky enough to have several more. I, too, give away things when I am hypomanic. I've given away a car, dining room table/chair sets, couches, cabinets, chairs, electronics, a leaf blower ($500!)....the list is long. I just think to myself, at the time, 'they' need it more than I do', not thinking, hey, I need that car, couch, etc. Then I fall into one of my other hypomanic AND depressive symptoms...overspending...to make up for the things I gave away. I gave my daughter my car..one day...and went and bought another. When I took that one in for it's 4000 mile check up, I came back home with another car. The tighter my budget gets because of the overspending, the more I do it. (My pdoc says that the purchases makes the endorphins flow and I am looking for that feeling over and over). My other hypomanic symptoms are obsession, ruminating over past events I can't change, and hypersexuality. I have almost ruined several platonic relationships with men friends by coming on to them...married or not. Despite these behaviors, I still like that feeling of endless energy. I often do not have the insight into my state until it resolves...and the higher the high, the lower the low. My episodes of hypomanic behavior can run for months...the depression longer. All this is on top of medication...taken every day, faithfully. I have tried to educate my friends to symptoms of my cycles, but I don't have a friend I see every day...so they don't recognize my cycles...they just think I am strange. I also tried DBT, but I did not find it to be very helpful.
Hi there,
Interested to read comments but was curious that no one mentioned the impact of hypomania on relationships and how the energy, lack of sleep etc affect those you are living with or close to. I have a rapid cycling ecstatic hypomanic husband and I find I have increased anxiety at these times as the heightened good mood can swing suddenly into extreme intolerance and irritability. He also seems to become incredibly insensitive to others while he is normally a pretty considerate man. He says he feels great but it does not look like that from the outside.
I have a relative that fits the description you just gave. Effervescent and fun but can turn on a dime and become angry and even rageful without a real cause (something gets blown out of proportion or is misconstrued). Either way, it's
usually intense. And gets worse with age.
I can't figure out whether it's mood swings or a personality disorder or what
but it's predictably unpredictable.
Thats me! Little times of the highs, buts mostly cranky, irritable, gritchy and sarcastic! I hate talking on the phone for any business issues, I usually end up slambing down the phone in anger, usually triggered by a clerk telling me not to get so upset, and it is no big deal! I told the pharmacist the other day that I was Bipolar and to have patience with me that I had an important discussion. 'So what! It is stlill no reason to get upset!' That did it, she got an earful before I slambed down the phone!
If only I could find the right combo of meds. I was on the Carbenzapine, but that made me unable to figure out the phone, computer and amy conversatiuon or even walk, etc. I kept getting my husbands cell number twisted. I kept getting this lady who was very irate with my calls! I thank God I hav e my friends who help me and tolerate me. Is there anything that triggers hypomania?
I've had two long hypomanic episodes, one lasting about 4 years (yes, four years) and another lasting about 6 months. The first was triggered, I believe, by my decision to go to college at 17. I was so hyper that I was getting by on 3 hrs of sleep a night, doing projects far beyond the scope of what was expected, writing for hours on end, making straight A's, and even losing touch with sensory perception. I was having trouble with whether objects were moving slowly or I was moving quickly. That sort of thing. And I was seeing colored auras around people. But at the time I thought it was great. I have never had so much energy or creativity. Unfortunately, it was mixed because I was having somewhat severe depression at the same time, perhaps because my physical body was being tortured by lack of sleep. I think being "up" on going to college fueled this episode. Afterwards, I crashed into a deep black pit for several years.
Then when I was married, I began losing sleep again. I felt that manic energy coursing through me and my "thing" became sewing. I would stay up all night making clothes, slip covers for the furniture, etc., and could never get enough of it. I also cleaned house like crazy. Like scrubbing down the kitchen floor with a toothbrush to make sure every crevice was clean. But this time there was more of an edge to the hypomania, and a more psychotic depression. I lost down to 93 lbs, which was partially due to Prozac. And I think the Prozac might have been the trigger for this episode.
Would I want to be "there" again, in the throes of hypomania? As great as it felt at the time, no. I would rather go through the rest of my life at a steady pace. All in all, though, I've had much more depression than hypomania. And I've actually been diagnosed with schizophrenia rather than bipolar disorder, even though I exhibit some of the symptoms of both.
First off, it's encouraging to know that others struggle with cycles similar to mine. Second, I'd have to agree with whoever said something to the effect of they would trade the small moments of high energy and super productivity for even stability and peace. Though I've never had a manic episode last more than a few weeks at the most (at least I don't think I have), the lows afterwards along with the intense anxiety are not worth it. Do I want to be active? Yes! Do I want to have spurts of creativity? Yes! But not at the cost the after effects demand.
And please, any of you feel free to check some of my posts because I've wanted some feedback on some of them and just haven't had any, really. Thanks. It's been awesome reading everyone's comments.
I've been "lucky" that I don't have any of the anger, impatience, etc. when hypo manic. It's all good (except for the over-spending, but I actually do that pretty much in ANY state so it seems to be a part of me whether I'm depressed, hypo manic or mixed--never had a full-blown mania & never want to from what I've heard here & in the IOP I attended for about 8 weeks when 1st dxed years ago).
AND my family & I (esp. my husband) prefers me when I'm hypo manic, because I am a much happier, energetic, physically active, attractive (lose weight), life-loving, & involved person. I don't know what is "normal" for me as I seem to be either mixed or depressed or kind of in a blah, blob-like state where I have no motivation, no self-esteem & have a hard time getting motivated to do even the smallest things. No passion for life & feel exhausted despite taking Provigil & Concerta in the morning & gain weight & cannot even push myself to do 10 min. of exercise (showering is an ordeal, cooking is an ordeal--luckily our children are grown & flourishing).
I'm taking Lamictal, Concerta, Provigal (Klonopin as needed for anxiety--very small dosage; Trazodone as needed for insomnia that previously was helped a lot w/EMDR, but now I have had chronic pain issues for over a year that 2 surgeries & several "experimental" procedures haven't helped & had to go on morphine for awhile as was crying all night in pain, but that isn't exactly a long-term solution so may be heading to the Mayo Clinic; neurologist thinks it might be an auto immune thing & says many people w/mental health issues such as bipolar have auto immune issues, as well). Was on Abilify for about 8 years & that helped a lot w/delusional & paranoid thinking (but gained 50 lbs. on it) & was able to get off it after about a year of DBT as was able to start thinking more rationally.
Lithium was wonderful for me; couldn't believe how wonderful I felt on Lithium. I thought, "Is this how other people feel?" But I had kidney malfunction & had to get off it in a matter of months & have some kidney damage from just that short amount of time on it.
Also take thyroid medication, monthly B-12 shots for pernicious anemia & medication for high blood pressure & cholesterol (have metabolic syndrome due to weight gain on Abilify) so should be exercising (blood sugar getting too close to diabetic range & both parents were diabetic). You'd think that would be motivation--nope.
So you can see why I long for hypo mania, but after my last episode (despite taking all my meds as prescribed but was triggered by a trip that involved a change in time zones & a lot of excitement that led to my not sleeping & I continued to sleep only about 3 hours a night for about 5 mos. & felt so good (& didn't know how dangerous it was to not sleep like that & feeling so good was like a drug), but then had the sudden crash into depression & took an overdose of my psych meds & was in a mixed episode for 2 years after that (boy, was that miserable--pdoc trying to get my meds to help me, but couldn't) until I started DBT I had no relief.
I "did" DBT for 2 years & saw the therapist who led the group individually, as well, but she retired last July & haven't found another therapist or DBT group yet...
That may be part of why I'm "slipping"...
I think for me the therapy & DBT was like "medicine."
I'm wondering if what I was experiencing a year ago was an overload of my anti-depressant or in fact hypomania. I was happy to the point of being giddy, more affectionate than usual, unable to be sad or angry. I weaned off the anti-depressant and started taking passionflower. It's much easier to regulate and I'm not experiencing such dramatic swings or extremes in behavior. Not sure if this is good or bad, but my thinking is much clearer.
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While I admit that on the upside of hypomania, I feel like I can conquer the world, and I accomplish tons of things I wouldn't on the other side, I thought that the goal was to be as close to an even keel as possible, with the cycles (if they do occur) being mild like small rolling hills as opposed to mountain sized ones. With Bipolar 1, I'd do anything to get rid of cycles all together. What are your thoughts?
I hate my manic moments. Especially when I know I'm about to go into one. I work in an industry that is always last minute and very high stress. I know the worst job I could ever have with my condition but I function so well at it. Of course after the event - major crash into depression. With therapy I have learned to try and avoid these triggers. DOn't go on shopping sprees that make me feel great and then depressed and so sad because I just spent money I don't have. I already have a major guilty complex about everything I do in my life so I just beat myself over the head about it. This stress has caused me to acquire auto-immune diseases that render my working life to be non-existent and I am a single parent of twin boys with a psycho ex. I feel I have reached a point of clarity where I can recognize the behavior and then jst tell myself to stop it. No more drinking to excess especially with all the medications I am on. I feel with continued therapy I can learn more how to handle this "disease". I won't ever be able to beat it fully because there are always going to be things that will throw me into a tizzy. The most important things for me is to forgive myself for past behaviors. I do not have the same impulse control of other people, but if I see that I am acting out - look around at what is going on - am I sending myself on a manic episode - then stop what I am doing or - use that energy for something else. I've gone back into community theater too. Something that I started at age 5 and took 2 - 10 year breaks over the next 35 years. I find that there are a LOT of other bi-polar people there either I or II and you can have your highs in a safe place where people will applaud you and not make you feel guilty. This is my experience and I hope it helps anyone who reads this post.