I really need help in gaining back my relationship back with my eldest son who was suffering from depression which coincided with my divorce when he was 15. the years went by with huge demands fom him financially, whether it was rent free home, or support for his never endin wheeling and dealing with various businesses. He was young but clever, and A student. About 3 years ago the only words he spoke or ever wrote was that he had bipolar? i had no idea of this despite being educated I thought it was a deeper form of depression as i knew he suffered from this and to add to it, I too suffer from depression from time to time and so the years passed with only one sided communication to my son, some 5-7yrs he never replies my emails, calls and changes addresses and his mob no's. I was also told by his brother he is like this only with me but on the whole keeps to himself and lives apart from his girl friend of 10yrs! He borrowed a large sum of money from me about 10 years ago and was not able to pay me back and went thru much depression. He is a self made enterpreneur and into many businesses which I had funded in the earlier days thus losing money, he sent half 2 years ago without a word. Each time I get these 'contacts', my heart thumps away i write and try to call of no avail, all no's dont exist. Now having a better understanding and more strength than ever to talk, meet or cuddle him, I am so desperate to reach out to my son, who I am told loves me dearly but cannot make the first move. The last conversation we had, he told me that he didnt want to see me as a mother but rather a friend and that way he said he could cultivate some sort of communication. I was so hurt, but happy we could talk but it went no where. looking backI am not sure if my communication to him although never answered signing off as mum didnt help? We have an eastern culture we dont call our parents by their first names. Also just when i figure something maybe the cause and change it, it seems to be another thing as his girlfriend tells me he is bothered with something entirely different, which leaves me so empty inside. I love his so much despite everything. I have a great relationship with my youngest son. My eldest's girlfriend says her head spins trying to bring us together, she now has stress related symptoms as she had many things she had to mop up he left behind. If anyone can help in anyway how I can break this non comunicative sadness that over whelms him and myself - we were so close and yet he doubted that a few years back and asked me if he was a planned child! my first! my so much doted baby he was!!! please help me even his younger brother doesnt want to be in the middle of this or my pain as it affects him although he knows something is really wrong with his brother, he gets told various stories from the eldest. some he has questioned me about but not anymore maybe he realises it doesnt go anyway or made up, who knows? If some how I am able to get his current email or mob no. what can i do or say. I really need help, he is a huge part of my depression and I must be of his. the way he cut himself from me is a heavy burden on both of us. He will be 34 and I 59. THANK YOU for any help. this understanding is all new, but where does it leave our relationship?