I'm so glad February is over. It's been a very tough month, and on this, the last day, I'm feeling harassed, frustrated and tired. So I thought I'd look back over the month and share with you the reasons my depression symptoms have worsened. I hope this will help you spot issues that can affect your bipolar depression.
Two things started the month off badly. The first was the disappointment that I absolutely could not go on a spending spree for my garden as I usually do. January and February are usually joyous for me as I choose new plants for my yard. Not this year. Money is too tight. Instead of spending $1,000 or more, I set a budget of $150 and wound up at $237. And it wasn't really enjoyable to choose the plants because of having to fight myself every inch of the way. So put down "Big Disappointment" as problem 1.
The second thing was that I overbooked myself. In part 2 of Taking Charge of Your Time I said I was ready to add things to my monthly schedule. I was wrong. I felt overwhelmed right from the start of the month. So problem 2 is "Expectations Too High."
I don't know why the next issue came up. It could be entirely physical reasons, or it could be an effect of feeling overwhelmed and/or downhearted. Either way, I had a lot more heavy fatigue than usual. Almost every other day the tiredness and sleepiness were so bad I couldn't do anything but go back to bed. The one thing I know for sure was that it couldn't be medication-related, because nothing changed there. So problem 3 is "Unusual Fatigue."
And finally, there were two unpredictable events that interfered with getting my work done and also kept me from doing housework. At mid-month I didn't realize there was one more step and when I came down, I fell hard, landing a good six feet from the stairs, injuring the knee I've had problems with before.
Then a week ago I woke up in pain to find one leg red, swollen and hot from ankle to about halfway up the shin and calf. This turned out to be cellulitis, a serious skin infection.
Problem 4 is "Problems Beyond My Control," problem 5 is "Physical Pain," and problem 6 is a result of that - I can only call it "Lousy Feng Shui." It really depresses me when my house gets sloppy-dirty, and it's far gone by now because I couldn't stand or walk for very long.
Which ones can I do anything about if the recur? Not 4 or 5, certainly, but I could have done better at #6 - I just gave up on housework completely, which wasn't necessary. "Big Disappointment" (#1) - well, I'll get over it, but in my experience, these always slam me back, and I haven't found a cure. I won't set my expectations so high for March (#2). As for "Unusual Fatigue" (#3), my plan is to force myself to keep going to see if activity gets my blood pumping. If I still feel terrible after an hour or two, then I'll give in and take a nap.
So what things occur in your life that can cause or worsen depression?
Published On: February 29, 2012
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