As I wrote earlier this month, I'm facing some pretty tough deadlines. Two affect how much I get paid. One keeps me from getting YELLED at. And one is critical to my education. I'm behind on all of them.
I made the decision to give up most of my roleplaying - something so dear to my heart that it takes big chunks of time every evening (okay, call it an obsession). I gave up housework. And at first it went really well. But without roleplaying, I wanted other entertainment now and then. I discovered games that came preloaded on my new computer... and BANG, a new obsession was born.
If anything, this is worse than roleplaying. I've been staying up till 3, or even 4, or even 5 a.m. playing these games. It's insane! My deadlines haven't changed, they've just gotten closer. I can't justify spending this kind of time on computer games any more than I spending it in roleplay chat.
But that's the kind of person I am. If it's not one obsessive recreation, it's another.
By the way, this is totally different from OCD - Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. OCD, according to the National Institutes of Mental Health, is an anxiety disorder and is characterized by recurrent, unwanted thoughts (obsessions) and/or repetitive behaviors (compulsions).
I just need a lot of playtime, I guess. I need distraction from the problems and emotions of real life. I can do that in online roleplay where I act and speak as another person. I can do it in computer games because it takes all my attention to make X much money by baking cakes before the time clock runs out.
Yeah, that's really what I said. "Cake Mania" is the name of one of the games.
The thing is, I don't really understand why I do this. I have deadlines! Yes, I goof off a lot of the time, but why am I doing it now? Is it a sign of depression? Is it mixed depression, maybe? Dysphoria? I'm sitting here grinding my teeth as I type this, because I so do not want to think about the issue.
What makes you play instead of fulfilling your responsibilities? How much do you do it?
Published On: December 19, 2012
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