As my depressive episode bounces from moderate to light and back again - two infections in a row have made things even more difficult - I keep looking for ways to pull myself out of the moderate periods. I have to get to a state where I am productive again.
My house is in complete chaos. My work is only slightly better. I must, I must, do something to jump-start productive activity.
In the past, I've frequently used lists to help with self-discipline. I've used daily schedules. I've focused on one area at a time and done well, especially when the area is the bathroom or my desk ... but neither area stays uncluttered for long.
So far this time, none of these techniques - or any other - is working.
Last night I had an idea that given my state of mood - moderate now bordering on severe - perhaps I should tell myself, "All you need to do today is this one thing." That's very little pressure, yet it should make some headway, shed some light into the shadows that are heavy in my mind.
And last night I decided that "one thing" would be the kitchen sink - getting all the dishes together, soaking them, putting them in the dishwasher.
This morning, though, as I moved through the house I saw so many "one things" that I felt despair. Should that thing be opening the mail that has piled up? Should it be making a safe path from the stairs to the door into the garage so I won't keep stumbling over things? Should it be cleaning up my desk - again?
Already my "just do one thing" idea has been derailed. God, I hate depression.