The madness of it all, does it end?

By Gordon Monday, November 26, 2007

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Its a hard day today. People call I don't answer. I did get out of bed so I'm not doing too bad. I don't fight the anxiety or waves I found it's easier to just let them move over me and give in. less mental stress. I have suicide plans but I try not to go there. I'm 2 years into this, 2 suicide attempts 12 hospital stays, a failed marriage of 22 years with 4 children. I'm not sure this is helping? I have a hard time thinking past tomorrow. It's got to get better right? My wife ounce told me God wouldn't make people to suffer, no I don't think so.

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Rusty

11/26/07 6:41pm

Hi Gordon,

I don't suffer from Bp but have unipolar depression. My partner has BP. However I have been where you are. You really have the double whammy. You are dealing with the aftermath of your marriage and an illness at the same time. My marriage of 20 years dissolved 4 years ago. That in itself is difficult to deal with. I found that I had to live just day to day, sometimes minute to minute. If I started thinking about the future I would get anxious. Just try to get through the day. Write a list of things you can do when you start to feel anxious, ring someone, go for a walk, play on net ....anything. Leave the list somewhere you can see it because sometimes you can't think of anything to do which will help. This will help to remind you. Things will and do get better but reach out for help. You are not alone. R

morninggrl

11/26/07 8:20pm

You're not alone. You're not the only one going through those waves of feelings. Meds can help. IT CAN GET BETTER. God did NOT design us to suffer, but to reach to Him for help...try Isaiah 43:10, "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Another one I find comfort in is Isaiah 40:29-31, "He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.

30 Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;

31 but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Some people will look at the Bible as a bunch of happy feelings or outdated teachings, but God's Word keeps me, literally, sane, when my emotions take over my mind and I feel myself going over some kind of invisible edge.

Eric

11/27/07 4:55am

There is life after a divorce but it doesn’t seem that way while were going through it and for a period afterwards. There are a lot of changes going on that make us uncomfortable and we see ourselves as a failer.

Here is the deal…we are allowed time to feel sorry for ourselves for being in the predicaments like a divorce and hospital/suicidal issues for just so long then need to head in a different direction. You have four kids that need a dad. They want to be able to lean on you and ask advice and also want you to be proud of them. It’s time for the self-pity to stop and time to step up to the plate of responsibilities.

There are no magic pills that I know of that will make everything better for you and I can tell you from experience it’s a lot of hard work but worth the effort.

You are describing me at a point in my life that I didn’t see a future and felt everyone would be better off with out me being a burden on them. This thinking is so far into left field that it’s just pure crazy.

You can’t be there for your kids if you can’t even take care of yourselves. Use your kids as a reason to pour all this negative energy into positive of becoming the dad you really are.

It’s time for a change and if you need any specific advice or help of how to do this, let me know and I am more than willing to give you a hand to lift you up were you really belong.

The madness of it all, does it end?

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