Life as you know it..

By Erica Friday, May 29, 2009

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So as many of you know, living a bipolar laced life is horrible, and leads you to many places unknown of. Things come and go by so fast that you dont even recall what ever happened : ) I think things definetly happen for a reason, but sometimes you want to say fuck that karma shit..because life brings some very unexpected things your way sometimes! ....

I was just released from the hospital a week ago, after a very bad manic episode. I was in the hospital for a couple of weeks. They put me on lithium and i just havent been myself since. I went into the hospital with cuts and stab wounds all over my body. I had really done it now, i thought to myself. I wasn't quite sure what all happened, i had drank a bottle of gentlemans jack 2 hrs before i had my episode. I was a reck, i knew that much.

So, now i am returning to living a stable life, or whats suppose to be. Instead, i get out and i find out that i am not aloud to return to my apartment, because i was a danger to everyone there. Im pissed about this situation i was not hurting anyone besides myself. I tried to hang myself. I was at the end of reasoning with it. And now im not aloud to live there anymore. I moved back to my hometown, its good, its nice to be home, but i miss my girlfriend and my apartment and my old life. Im pretty much just stressing right now, thought it would be good to talk about it, and try to reach out for support.

peace

Comments (3) | Add comment

tabby

5/30/09 7:25am

Karma hitting you in the face does slap doesn't it?

There is a cause and effect for everything one does and doesn't do and you can say fuck it but you know deep down it happens.

You fell off the balance beam, you drank, you lost all of what was left of your reasoning mind, swirled the mind chemicals even more than they were and soused them on liquor and you ended up IP.

Your apartment complex feels you are a danger to yourself and to those around and you'll make those around uncomfortable living around you. So... you lost your apartment. Now you are back home, on meds, and trying to get back up on the balance beam again.

It's consequence, karma, shit life, what have you... you live through it and move onward. It's not the end of the world, you have a roof over your head, and you have meds that you obviously need to keep you at least one or two toes on the balance beam for now.

My take and it's just my 3 cents, life is what you do and call it:

Take a deep breath, brush yourself off, wipe off the dirt from your face, vow to learn something positive from this, see your pdoc and tdoc regularly, take the meds, stay clear of the booze cause it isn't helping you (you've seen this) and it doesn't mix with the meds, and move forward... one step at a time.

nolongerhere

5/30/09 9:54pm

I think that, as you said, for everything there is a reason. So...there may be a very good reason as to why you are back in your home town. I think that Karma is more complex than what we can understand. First of all we learn through sufferings but of course only if we want to learn from it. And Karma is not there to punish us but to give us a chance to learn from our mistakes. Karma is a positive energy not a bad one. I find STIGMA all around me today but I do not get upset anymore now. I am not the one who generate this negative energy (stigma) it is people who engage i such ignorant thoughts. Thankfully not all people... but people can be prejudiced against those who have a mental illness.

These days I just get away from any stigma I find. The best thing is not to engage with it but ignore it and get on with my life. It is a kind of ignorance that has many professionals working to eradicate it. We are not responsible for some people's ignorance.

Having said this just forget about your flat and the people there. If you can get in touch with your old girl friend then do so but the change that has come your way is not of your making. Go with the flow and don't look back. This is the only way to cope.

I find that people with a mental disorder have to be more mature than those who are prejudiced. We have to be mature and have compassion for these poor ignorant people. Would we like to be like that? No this is terrible and we are lucky that we are not like that or at least I hope that we are not.

Here in Australia we say: 'stay beautiful' Erica and do not worry too much about what is beyond your control go withthe flow.

Alfredo

survivor

2/ 7/10 9:10pm

I think you are a wonderful person and you can recover from all of this you are the chosen one to understand the path. People will understand you and come to you with knowledgeable hope. You are the light people will see from all drama. Come out of your self and use everything you have been through as your strength to reach out to others. People will admire what you have been through and what you have become. Do the right thing and the right thing will come. Choose a career that you understand and can reach out to for other people who are going through what you have been through but now overcame because you are the light and glory from God to help people in situations similar to yours.

Life as you know it..

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