Being Rejected

By otterlo Wednesday, January 23, 2008

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Have any of you had the experience of being rejected by many people since you have been diagnosed with bipolar? I have had a lot of rejection by both many family members and friends and it has been so hard to take. Just last week my only child told him that he never again wanted to hear about my bipolar or my depression. He said he could not handle it and I could not come to him for any kind of support. That really hurt. I have always been there for my son. He is 36 years old and we live on other sides of the country, so we do not see each other often. Until my severe depressions started, we had been close. I had one suicide attempt. It has been difficult for me staying well with so little support. My meds have helped me and I do go for counseling. I have tried one bipolar support group but it did not work. Does anyone have any suggestions as to what I should do? Thank you so much for your support. It does mean the world to me! Pamela

going back to work

Comments (17) | Add comment

Maureen Whorley

1/23/08 3:40pm

I was recently given that diagnosis and it is difficult understanding it and how to handle it day by day. I have a hard time with it so I don't expect my family to be able to deal with it better than I can. It will take awhile for me to support myself and try to do what I need to do for me, all I can say to my family is please love me when you don't want to and understand that I am dealing with an illness that feels different everyday. I have my highs and lows and if you catch me on a day that I am not doing so well please understand that I am doing the best that I can and that it is not their fault that I am experiencing one of the phases in my illness and that I will get through it with their love and understanding, they do not have to solve my problem just be there through thick or thin. Names of mental illness are pretty scary to the people around us and they want just to love their mom and not the disease, so I leave it out of my conversation and I get my family to listen more.

Hope this helps,

Maureen, Florida

otterlo

1/23/08 3:48pm

thank you so much for your reply. names can be frightening, I agree. I hope my son will come around some day but if he can't he can't. good luck to you. I have had my diagonis for about one year and I still struggle with. my meds have really helped me, so hang in there. my thoughts and good wishes are with you and your family! Pamela

Stardust

1/23/08 5:49pm

After 25+ years of being sick, I can count on one hand the number of people that know what I'm going through. That's because I have a big fear of being rejected. It's the kind of world we live in. Either it makes people be afraid of you, or they think you are faking it--it's all bogus. We're discriminated by friends, family, insurance companies, employers, and the list goes on. So if you need to talk about it, say you're a little down today, or a little peppy. That might help. Did you say you had a therapist? A therapist is always good to have. Good luck.

otterlo

1/24/08 4:11pm

Thank you so much for your comments and your support. I too wish you the best of luck! Rejection is so hard to take and it hurts so much! May peace be with you and know how very much I appreciate you and you taking the time to reach out to me! Pamela

tabby

1/23/08 6:43pm

Sometimes those closest to us tell you they don't want to hear about anymore because they feel at a loss to help you. They don't know what to do or what to say and well, they just don't want to hear it anymore. You say he is in another state. Could be he feels he can't help you so why continually hear about it.

Then again - doing an "Eric" here - you might have drowned him with it over and over and over. Maybe even used it as a excuse one too many times. Now, it has gotten to the point where he just can't stand to hear it any longer.

I hope, for you anyway, it is the 1st paragraph and not the second.

Eric

1/24/08 6:53am

Doing an Eric…that’s sounds kinky!

tabby

1/24/08 7:15am

Ah Eric, sug, you might need a adjustment

Eric

1/24/08 7:34am

hahahhahaha Cheesy

none

1/23/08 6:55pm

Not too many people outside my immediate family know what I have. Some of the people who do know are really supportive and some are just accepting. I've had enough rejection in my life over this and I figure from now on I will just pick and choose those I want to tell

I do have a very supportive husband and my kids are as well. It's the world outside my home that seems to have a problem with this. Even my best friend couldn't "handle" this and we are no longer friends.

No one at my job knows about the bipolar either because if they did, my life there would be a living hell. I have seen it there before and it's nasty. I just blame my mood swings and other stuff on menopause, fibromyalgia, and too much coffee. I'm not lying about that stuff but I'm just leaving out the bipolar as being a major contributor to the way I am. So far it's worked.

I guess I just don't want to set myself up for anymore rejection because I have had more than my fair share. So, I just leave things the way they are. If someone were to ask me point blank if I have bipolar I certainly wouldn't lie to them. I'm not going to hide from this but I don't feel I want to just bring it up because of what has happened in the past.

Eric

1/24/08 7:07am

Why in the world would you think that you have any right to dump this crap on your kid even if he is 36? As parents, we are supposed to be there for our kids and I am willing to bet this wasn’t the first time you have dumped your problems on him. I am also willing to bet it goes way back into his childhood of seeing his mom in not so good a shape and events taking place that centered on your illness.

Get your crap together and start being a mom…a mom is someone that even at 36 we can call and whine about anything and she somehow can say the right things to make us feel better. Right now it has somehow flipped and mom is calling her kids to whine about the illness. He has dealt with it to the point of not wanting to hear about it anymore. Are there also grandkids involved that he is also keeping from you because the fear of upsetting you?

Gives mom a kick in the *** to get her headed in the right direction! I am saying this out of love you nut and wanting you to have a better relationship with your son and possible grandkids. Get your illness in check …then call him and ask how he is doing and allow him to whine without you bringing up any of your issues. Kids don’t know how to react to a parent not doing well in that they also feel helpless and hopeless in how to fix you. The truth is that you are the only one that can aka fix you.

otterlo

1/24/08 4:03pm

Eric, while you may be well meaning, I find your comments upsetting, since you know nothing about me. I graduated from college when I was 48 summa cum laude and since then I have received many awards for being an above average employee. I have lived all over the world successfully. My son is gay and I have been totally there for him. I moved back to my state where I grew up and back around my parents. My parents were abusive and my mom was a borderline personality. I took care of her until she died and this put me over the edge and at that time I went into a severe depression that I could not come out of. At that time I was diagnosed with bipolar II. Since I came from an abusive home I do agree that I could have done better as a parent. I think that can be said of many parents. I went through a really difficult time without much support. I do appreciate your comments and I think I could take some of them to heart. Perhaps asking for my son's support was crossing a boundry line that I should not have crossed. You certainly might be right there. My son calls me often crying and upset because of various issues in his life. One important thing about growing up is to learn empaty and compassion. Without that we do not serve ourselves or others well. I am a recently retired social worker. We all need support at times in our lives--that is true of all of us, without exception...........Pamela

su1

4/13/08 9:20pm

It must be hard being 'in the middle' trying to help your parents (who once were your primary support) and your kids. You need support too, and shouldn't have to apologize to it. I agree with another comment about 'spreading the love' so no one person is burnt out too much. I am finding more & more my best supports are those who have been through bipolar/depression themselves.

I have found that even if not everyone can understand, there are other ways of getting support; my sister doesn't really understand, but she still knows how to make me laugh. Sometimes the best support from my dad can come from watching the hockey game together.

otterlo

4/14/08 9:36am

thank you so much for your comment. I am feeling a lot better lately but I still find that most people in my life do not want to discuss bipolar. I do have one friend that does seem to understand and I thank god for that. I think that the world needs to be educated about mental illness. I know that I see it on TV more but still more needs to be done.........thank you again ......Pam

tls

1/24/08 12:02pm

I have found that I can't burden just one person with the day-to-day troubles I go through just to function. I spread the love - so to speak. Sometimes my sister hears about how I broke down and sobbed at a party for no apparent reason and sometimes my mom hears about how I totally flipped at the grocery store and had to leave me cart and get out of there and sometimes my boyfriend has to call me to get out of bed in the morning or to turn the TV off and go to sleep. Everyone relationship has a role and some are more superficial, some are more take, and some are more give. The trick is to balance them. I was just reading that loneliness is a serious problem for people with mental health issues and that sometimes a pet or a spiritual pursuit takes the place of a human in filling the void. I had a dog that heard about everything and I certainly tell God everything. Maybe that helps me keep my family and friends in better balance. I need to get another dog I sure do miss that daily reminder to get up and get outside. Plus she kept my feet warm in the winter.

otterlo

1/24/08 4:08pm

Bless you! You sound like a very beautiful and wonderful human being. Thank you for taking the time to write me with your support. I think that you are grand and I wish you well on your journey. It is so nice to know that we are not alone in our struggles. I can feel you and your struggles because they are so much like mine. Thank you again so much and may peace be with you today and whenever you need it! Pamela

cynthia arceneaux

1/24/08 2:37pm

I can sympathize with you. My sisters both have cut off all communication with me, they say I am to high maintence. It has been a couple of years now. I am stable and living with my bipolar. NAMI is a good support for cunsumers and families. They helped me to get through many situations. I hope you will find the support you need soon before it is to late.

otterlo

1/24/08 4:16pm

Finding support in this illness has turned out to be the most difficult journey of my life but I keep on struggling. I want to take this opportunity to also encourage you to keep on keeping on. Thank goodness I have found this site. It has already been so helpful. Please feel free to email anytime. Your email has been so helpful to me. Peace to you! Pamela

Being Rejected

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