Depression

depression that just won't go away

otterlo Community Member June 12, 2008
  • I have had severe depression now for about 8 years.  I have tried all kinds of medications and my depression waxes and wanes but it is always there.  I wish that I could throw it in the river and just make it go away...float down stream and disappear.  I am tired of changing meds and I think I will just stay on the one's I am on.  I recently read a book about Abraham Lincoln's severe and chronic depression.  He wanted to die a lot and he was always so sad.  But look what he did.  I went through a lot of abuse as a child and maybe that helped make me who I am.  When I am hypomanic, I am full of energy and I can do so much but the down side is I have a temper and I am very impulsive.  I am rarely hypomanic anymore and I guess my meds have helped with that.  I do miss the good parts of being hypomanic. smile

     

    I do not know why my depression continues but I am sick of trying to figure it out.  It just is and I am not going to feel guilty about it anymore.  I do have the capacity for compassion and empathy and that is a gift and I am glad for it.  We all have our issues and we can accept them and learn from them or not.  I am now going to try and listen to my depression see where that takes me.  I am not going to fight with it because that has not helped me at all.  I think it must have a message for me and I am going to be still enough to learn what it is...........It has been my experience that  the stigma for mental illness is huge...it is a shame and unnecessary but for now it is.  I think that for those of us that suffer from a mental illness, it is our duty to speak up and take these illnesses out of the darkness.  My son is gay and gay people now speak up and I think that it has helped a lot........some people will always choose to remain in the dark no matter what but it is my belief that most people, given education, are willing to learn. 

     

    But if I am ashamed, them I cannot teach anyone, anything.  We all need to come out, so to speak because we have  an illness and that is nothing to be ashamed of.........Pamela

7 Comments
  • Anonymous
    Kevin
    Apr. 29, 2009

    you should put your story on speakaboutbipolardepression.com - their hope is to educate, just as you say, using real people's stories.

  • bud
    bud
    Jun. 12, 2008

    My depression is horrendous too. I really like how you said you were going to start to listen to it instead of fighting it. I never really thought about it in that light before. Maybe the first step to being okay means accepting the illness and everything that comes with it. There are plenty of down sides...but, as you mentioned there are good sides as well....

    RHMLucky777

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    My depression is horrendous too. I really like how you said you were going to start to listen to it instead of fighting it. I never really thought about it in that light before. Maybe the first step to being okay means accepting the illness and everything that comes with it. There are plenty of down sides...but, as you mentioned there are good sides as well. We are a very compassionate, empathetic group of people. We can understand and relate to other people's pain and, I think, are really good shoulder's to lean on in times of crisis. LOVE THAT POST!!!!

    • otterlo
      Jun. 12, 2008

      Thank you for your comments.  I went a long time not accepting this illness and it got me no where.  Acceptance is a must.  I left the field of social work because of my illness but I once worked with drug addicts.  The first step to their recovery was acceptance and putting down their shame.  We have an illness and there is nothing...

      RHMLucky777

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      Thank you for your comments.  I went a long time not accepting this illness and it got me no where.  Acceptance is a must.  I left the field of social work because of my illness but I once worked with drug addicts.  The first step to their recovery was acceptance and putting down their shame.  We have an illness and there is nothing to be ashamed of.  I know that I do my best and I know that you do to.  That is all we can do and we are good human beings.  That counts for a lot.  I see many people who lack in compassion and empathy.  All human beings are not perfect, that is what makes us human.  I was the biggest fan of the drug addicts I worked with.  I sincerely wanted them to get better and I knew that odds were with them that they eventually would, if not in this treatment,then in another treatment.  Any mistakes they made, were than and this was now.  There is always the now.  It has taken me along time just to accept the essential me...Pamela

  • HeyJude
    Jun. 12, 2008

    Hi Pamela.....What a wonderful post - you have given us lots to think about.

     

    Your depression must be debilitating and frustrating.  For myself, depression is the most difficult aspect to deal with.  It's a hole that is hard to climb out of.

     

    Sorry the meds are not working well for you.  You and your doctor probably haven't found...

    RHMLucky777

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    Hi Pamela.....What a wonderful post - you have given us lots to think about.

     

    Your depression must be debilitating and frustrating.  For myself, depression is the most difficult aspect to deal with.  It's a hole that is hard to climb out of.

     

    Sorry the meds are not working well for you.  You and your doctor probably haven't found the combination/dosage that's right for you. 

     

    Yes, stigma still abounds - I pretty much try to ignore it (very hard to do)  and chalk it up to ignorance.  You are right, the gay community is, for the most part, out of the closet and doing well in society.  They should be an example for us.  It's just that MI is sooooo stigmatized.  Radical changes are not likely to come in my lifetime.  But we can hope.

     

    Hope you figure out how to beat the depression.

     

    Judy

     

     

    • otterlo
      Jun. 12, 2008

      thank you so much Judy!  And good luck to you........we can just keep trying!

    • krzykim
      Jun. 12, 2008

      I'm sorry about your depression. I know the feeling all too well. But hang in there and like you said you can learn something from it and maybe be the next Abe Lincoln! You never know!! And I totally agree with you about how society should be more educated! I actually wrote a blog on myspace about BP and how so many people out there are ignorant and quick to...

      RHMLucky777

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      I'm sorry about your depression. I know the feeling all too well. But hang in there and like you said you can learn something from it and maybe be the next Abe Lincoln! You never know!! And I totally agree with you about how society should be more educated! I actually wrote a blog on myspace about BP and how so many people out there are ignorant and quick to judge. I think sadly that's why many people don't try to get help. They're ashamed and think it shows a sign of "weakness." I'm not ashamed to let people know I have a mental illness. Everyone just kind of wants to not talk about it and pretend it doesn't exist but it definately does. What is it, like 1 in 4 million people live with some type of mental illness.

    • otterlo
      Jun. 12, 2008

      good for you concerning your blog on myspace or youtube.  It has taken a long time for gay people to be heard but they are finally getting heard.  It will take mentally ill people uniting and sticking together.  Thank you for your encouraging words!