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I don't really have a question as much as I have the need to vent, so here I go. I feel like I have been rebelling if that makes sense. I have pierced my face, tattooed my arm and blackened my hair all since May. I take 6 pills a day I have no sense of self or identity, and I feel honestly that I don't belong anywhere. I don't mean that in a nobody loves me sort of way, but more that I don't really feel comfortable anywhere that I go. I want to go go go, but I hate it when I do. I want to go out and party and act like a teenager but I know that it wont heal me. I do give in sometimes and go out and have fun, but I still feel empty because the fun is over. Have you ever just wanted to scream at the top of your lungs until your throat is sore and your lungs are empty? That is all I want to do at times but again I know that it will still feel empty. I feel like a pot of boiling water and I hate it.
Well, I'll just randomly babble back then
since you didn't really ask a question, kinda like talking to someone at work. Going out is something I think a lot if not all people who used to party and enjoyed it or looked at it as 'good times' (at least some of the times) will always struggle with wanting to do again. It may only get to be a fleeting feeling eventually, like it is for me, but I still feel it, and so does my super old auntie who's retired now! I still go once in a blue moon, but have a lot more fun going to a fancy restaurant and having a glass of expensive wine with appy's...although not sure either of us should do much more from the looks of our meds 
This summer I went to an outdoor concert and it was pretty wild, did more than I shoulda, and had to leave halfway through cause I didn't like getting moshed like I used to. I just make sure I have other stuff to do.
Your hair and jewelry will always be reversable girl, you are just trying to get your emotions out in some other way, sometimes it feels good. Don't fret, but I've just had to get a half sleeve to fix an ugly one I did years ago (or I thought it was ugly), now that is hard to get adjusted to!! I like it though, (lotus flowers and stuff) my conversational point is to be careful with tats, just cause you may like 'em now and wish 'em gone later, but you know that, hehe.
I wish you all the best with your new routine, you can do it! How's about some yoga? Or dance lessons? An online course? Meh, its a hard life, sucks for me half the time but I am glad to feel better than the nutso person I became last time I went off, never want to go there again.
Take care.
It is at least nice to know that someone is reading my rants! I will try a hobby lord knows I need one I am just not sure what I want to do. I appriciate both of your input and again I am just so thankfull to have people out there to connect with, who know what I am going through!