Random Amber

I don't really have a question as much as I have the need to vent, so here I go. I feel like I have been rebelling if that makes sense. I have pierced my face, tattooed my arm and blackened my hair all since May. I take 6 pills a day I have no sense of self or identity, and I feel honestly that I don't belong anywhere. I don't mean that in a nobody loves me sort of way, but more that I don't really feel comfortable anywhere that I go. I want to go go go, but I hate it when I do. I want to go out and party and act like a teenager but I know that it wont heal me. I do give in sometimes and go out and have fun, but I still feel empty because the fun is over. Have you ever just wanted to scream at the top of your lungs until your throat is sore and your lungs are empty? That is all I want to do at times but again I know that it will still feel empty. I feel like a pot of boiling water and I hate it.