Had a crappy little cold for the last week; glad it's done now, but with all the Tylenol & Motrin I've been taking & not getting exercise (then today I tried to do some weights at home & hurt myself), I am now really depressed. Acutely and fundamentally - "Feel like s***&q...
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Down, Down, Down in the Dumps
Stardust
Wednesday, January 16, 2008 at 11:31 PMfeeling somewhat better
su1
Thursday, January 17, 2008 at 11:02 AMThanks so much Stardust for all your kind words. I kinda feel embarrassed now & like I was just being a 'drama queen' yesterday, since today I feel somewhat better. I just don't know what to do with those horrible feelings, so I end up acting and talking crazy. My husband was here last night & I had a good cry and he consoled me. I heated up my bean bag in the microwave & held on to it, and focused on the healing warmth, which took my mind off my pain. Then took a couple clonazepam & knocked myself out. Slept hard & feel better today. I still have some knee and back pain - I went to the doctor yesterday & she has referred me to physio to start in a couple wks. I have another chronic pain problem that I was already going to physio for, but that's better managed these days; however, when any of these problems or a little cold comes along, it just throws me right off mentally, into a tail spin.
I just have to remember to be gentle with myself, since I have a tendency to be even harder on myself when I am ill - right when I need more patience and understanding. At least you guys can give me that.
replyP.S.
su1
Thursday, January 17, 2008 at 11:08 AMP.S. I'm thankfully not into self-mutilation. I just can understand how people do it, to take their minds off of their mental pain. I'm happy I could choose a healthy distraction (my heating bag) to comfort me. Oh, and some cookies! LOL
I do have suicidal thoughts periodically & I have called crisis lines on occaision. I have an excellent pdoc and will be seeing him in a couple weeks. In the mean time, my husband is the best support for me. I'm just glad to be feeling somewhat better today. Hope all is well with you.
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The feeling is a demon
Hopeful mom
Thursday, January 17, 2008 at 04:30 AMThat feeling your having is a demon you have to fight against. You know how much your husband loves you. Hold on to that.
replyre: The feeling is a demon
su1
Thursday, January 17, 2008 at 11:41 AMThanks to your words of hope. I've always found it curious, the saying of 'fighting demons'... I can see how people used to think that people with mental illness are 'possessed by the devil' because that's just how I feel at times.
One foot in front of the other. I'm still recovering from the holidays, trying to get my routine back. I'm getting there...
The whole process is so tiring. It would be one thing if I could build up & be better, but I get knocked down again and again & it's just not fair.
replyre: re: The feeling is a demon
Hopeful mom
Thursday, January 17, 2008 at 06:13 PMAs long as you have life and love, you have hope. When life and love is gone, hope is gone.
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Hi Su, so sorry to hear you're down "there" and then some. Let's put a little smiley face
to make you laugh (while you're thinking I'm the real freak here). You said cutting would make you feel alive? Really? It will only make you feel the worst in the end, now is that the truth or what? Don't start cutting okay hon? You know you don't want to start that bad habit again.
You really need to talk to your therapist, okay? Can you call him/her tonight? I know mine would even want to wake her up if I felt that bad. She made me promise. Can you promise to call your therapist first thing in the morning then? Can you make it that long? You can always get a ride to the ER to feel safe. Or even call 911. Don't be afraid, it's their job to take care of you.
I've been in your shoes many times. So you're not alone in this. I never tried cutting. I just would eat all my scripts.
Is someone at your place so you're not alone? Dummy me can't remember if you're married or have a boyfriend! Cat or dog? Don't make yourself be alone right now. Be good to yourself. You're just sick right now and it will change for the better. Remember I've felt like you feel right now, and I took a turn for the better. Lots of us have.
Now go call your therapist. Or promise to call first thing tomorrow. Luv ya!
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