Hypomania Blinds Me to Spotting 'Triggers'

I feel your pain. I have been cycling on a daily basis as well, one hour I am up the other I am down. I think these days are the worst. The enegry is there to start new adventures and new ideas that pop into one's mind. The what if I start this or why can't I do that. There has to be time in my life to be able to do this. The ideas get imbedded into the brain and the wheels begin enmotion. I will go to all lenghts to accomplish this goal and then bam. The idea is dead because I or someone says I can't do this because of these factors and other reasons. This I think is when the downward spiral of depression begins, Being set up for faliure by your own mind by putting great ideas of being more free from this illness then ever before. Loved ones try to help and say that I am trying to take on to many things at one time. This only makes me worse because I feel that I let them down as well. Causing them to lose even more confidence in me. I am not sure if this makes sence or not but this is the feelings I get once in a while.
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I guess the thing to do is to try not to focus to hard on failure to accomplish ALL the goals you set for yourself.  It's good to have goals but you have to be easy on yourself if you can't be "wonder woman". 

I think I've finally gotten to the point where I realize I can only take so much and I need to ask for help when it gets to be too much.

I have to look at myself and think positively about the things I have accomplished and not feel too bad when I can't "do it all".

Hang in there, you're doing good.

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...with my first post on here. I was feeling (knowing) I had it all figured out, felt great, and was therefore brave enough to post.  But it's new to me, recognizing how these good feelings end up spiraling up into disorientation, forgetfulness, irritableness and anxiety (and sometimes into mild paranoia).

 

Plus, the good feelings are so deceptive; I can see this is a learning process that will take awhile. I've been about 5 days in depression now. This morning I feel more alert - perhaps it's lifting - so this was a good post to see as a reminder. I'm used to using those energy spikes to try to make up for lost time, and to take steps to be a Better Person, as you say, Su - and I need to try to calm my over-stimulated brain.

 

Thanks for the posts, Su and Chris.

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This is my first time on this website, and as well my first posting.  It feels like I'm reading about myself in you entry's.  

 

I've just recently come out of the closet with my disorder. For a number of reasons, I haven't discussed with my family.  Mostly because I don't want to be labelled and I don't want them discussing my health with their friends -- which I know they will.  Additionally, I don't want them behaving like they are the doctors,when they are not.  As far as my family is concerned, they just think I had a nervous breakdown and I've left it at that.  I recently confided in a work friend -- someone who I trust.  But the problem is -- I was a little high and went email crazy on her, twice.  Now she wants nothing to do with me.  She has requested I not contact her and she has told me to let go and move on.  But the question is -- how do you let go when something will be with you for life.  Others really don't get it.  Anyhow, I'm glad I connected with you Su.  I think we have a lot of similarities and I can really relate to you.  As you bought cd's, I kinda went mini manic on chapters.ca just after x-mas and bought a pile of self help audio books.  When the order arrived, my husband commented "Did you buy the whole store".  The books are about management and dealing with difficult people.  And as well, one on mood disorders.  In the past, I would buy stuff (such as books) and once rec'd, it would just sit in a box collecting dust.  But on this round, I'm at least listening to the CD's.  Fortunately I have a job. But it's a bit of a communte.... so I just listen to them on my way to and from work.  They're actually helping me focus.  At times, I have a tendancy to be all over the map with my thoughts.  This last week has been good though.  I seem to be focussing at work and settling down.  Even my husband has noticed in the last few weeks I've been much sharper.  Anyhow, all this stuff is kinda new to me.  But it's exciting to connect with people who understand me and likewise, people I can relate to.  Hope to be in touch.  Cheers :)

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Oh such is the life of a BP huh? I too go through phases where i think hmmm this isn't so bad (when manic and getting things done, but heck if anything gets COMPLETED but feel good while going 100mph) however the fall, oh the fall is intense and being a rapid cycling bp i can go through 2 or three of these "falls" a DAY!!! It is really not a good thing at all, but yet we want to so believe that it is, or that we are having a good day....don't feel alone my friend, you are going through exactly what this illness is all about....teeter totter.....and yet when manic we are some of the most creative people on the planet, and even some during the depressive stages, so utilize what you can by recording your thoughts/ideas etc (if enough energy for i know the depression totally zaps us) but will make an interesting read when you review later....that is one way i have figured out SOME of my triggers, but trust me, they keep piling up it seems, and well have become rather broad in their spectrum.....but hang in there girl, you are far ahead of the game being AWARE of the issues you have, and the things your body is telling you...go with the rest when needed and don't feel guilty you need it, go with the mania and get somethings done, but i can't stress enough to check meds and make sure they are doing what they are supposed to do for ya.....

hang tough my friend, we're all here for ya!
ctry girl

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