Mixed Episode

...OF course i'd respond, believe me when i say this to you and i know it doesn't "help" per say, but I go through the mixed mood stages every single day of my life, no medication has thwarted that for me, but each of us are different in our makeup and perhaps the medication you are on needs tweaking or changing or a whole new regiment all together. I know there are times when my meds are changed or upped that the mixed moods lessen, notice i didn't say go away, its a mirage of emotions, thoughts, and behavior that we DO NOT have control over and although we wish we could have an easy answer for it all honey, there isn't one at this point i don't think, endurance....faith that this will fade a bit....belief in yourself....and research and knowledge on what to expect along with utilizing coping skills (which is sounds like you're doing rather consistently but my therapists told me with mixed moods you don't wait until the mood is extreme, utilize themm all the time. she gave me a great scenario of being in a bubble per say and all the external stimuli that sends me right over the edge one way or the other can reflect off it, like being there but not being there.....she also gave me a topic to research that has helped me to learn to live with it in the here and now...it is called MINDFULNESS>...google that and see what you think)

I so wish i had the answers to all the ordeals you are going through, and i so want you to know that you are NOT milking the system girl, you are in need of assistance, you are suffering from a condition that even the psychiatrists and all the specialists in the world have no set answer to only theories, hypothesis on what/when/why/how/etc this illness works.  You are a wonderful person, a person whom i have connected quite rapidly, and i feel your pain, literally....for no one would understand a mixed stage but one who is going through it or has been....they are very difficult to deal with for heres all this energy boiling inside with thoughts racing and encouraging action, and the body suffering from the drudges of depression and unable to perform or function in anything but a dense fog....so of course it gets you down and gets you to thinking things about "what ifs" but you must remember you are your own best expert...if you feel that the meds aren't working, or that you are increasing in symptoms you need to tell the pdoc, don't worry about venting and how it affects THEM YOU my dear are the one in need, that is their job, to see to it that they keep you as stable and leveled off as they can...

now don't get me wrong they aren't miracle workers for i can testify to that one, they can't regulate me at all and i've been suffering from this for many years....but i have learned to awaken each day, and try to face the mood/attitude/condition at which i face that morning, each day....one day at a time.....and i am so with you on the support of your husband, i really feel like i don't know what i'd do if i lost my precious husband for any reason or any cause....but then again my friend, we must realize that these thoughts are most likely going through their minds too and perhaps a good old rap session alone (tv off, snacks around you, soft music that is relaxing, dimmed lights or better yet candles and an atmosphere of openness ) wouldallow you to talk to him about your feelings and how dependent on him you feel but how important he is to you and you may be shocked at some of the emotions he is having himself over the condition, and I bet he'll prove to be more concerned and worried and supportive than you'd ever had imagined for he seems like such a great guy.

It is the nature of this beast we call bp to come at us from nowhere, to sneak up on us in broad daylight and grasp us internally and externally and affect everything we do in a moments notice.....but we can overcome it my friend, we can fight back in our own ways, and we can believe that we are children of light whose brightness can never be extinquished and you have shown that in so many posts......

i am concerned for you at this point and hope that you seek some asssistance from the medical community you go to, i think there is a need for some adjustments in meds or in the utilization /style of coping skills for unfortunately mixed moods are extremelly hard to deal with and even harder to understand even by the one going through it...

but KNOW THIS my friend,

i am here to hear, to listen, to vent to, to lean on, to email privately if you need....please keep me up to date on how you are feeling....and listen to me.....hang on, don't you dare give up and let it overcome you, you are stronger than that internally and externally, you have faith, hope, belief .....and never forget the heart which holds the core to why you fight hard to get through it every single day.....you have many who love you and who see you are struggling, your endurance and your determination will be a great inspiration to them or to someone you may have never even met yet....but please hold tough, mixed moods and rapid cycling is very very difficult i admit and i endure it too....but the journey to the end of the cyle or the changing of the guards persay is much worth it, those good days are euphoric and those that love us NEED us, although we seem to OURSELVES a burden to them, that is not the case.....he loves you and needs you as does your family and friends.....so hold tight, ride the wave and get in touch with that doc as soon as you can ....it can only help, nothing can hurt by doing that......please again let me know how you are...

my prayers, positive energy, and arms are wrapped around you SU1, feel that??? Its a friend watching over you.....

love ya girl, hold on, hold on......

ctrygirl

Hi SU1,

Sorry to hear your having such a hard time of it.  I read ctygrl's response and thought there was some good info there.  Seein g you Dr is nessesary now.  It is probably not true that he is tiring of you.  I've had those thoughts too.  Lets face it, if we are picking up on something Negative, we should cut the Doc some slack as we expect to be understood.  It's got to be a tough job.  I can relate on the alcoholism.  Maybe AA?  If you were on the right med that in itself may be the answer. I'm BP 2 mostly hypomanic.  But I had a bad depression or 2 after high school and when my Dad died and I had a nightmare as the estate executrix . I was mixed state for sure. Dangerous state I think.  I'm on lithium.  I was on 600mg then.  I felt to medicated, went to 450..seemed not enough and then my uncle died last week so I asked to go back to 600mg and now I feel overmedicated again.  Lithium works for me.  At least I found 1 med that does.  I tried SO many.  I also take Klonipin and wellbutrin for sleep and mood stabilizer respectively.  It's Ok to retreat from the world, I do it too like cntygrl.  I get overstimulted and then I act manic, I hate that.  Especially when your around someone you want to impress like family etc.  I'm not going to harp on how to treat your depression...I'll leave that to the professionals.  KNOW this...It WILL pass!!! Try not to listen to those voices that say the world is out to get you...It's NOT.  I hope I was a little help.  You hang in there kid!  Let us know how your doing.  I'm new, but I'll help If I can since I'm not new to life or this illness.  dbletlk 1

I was diagnosed with Bp 1 mixed states a year ago but have felt this way for many years.  I hear how people with Bipolar suffer BUT they do have normal times.  The more I go deeper into time with this new diagnosis the more intense it gets without letting up for longer than a few hours a day.  I feel this illness shows no mercy on me and is robbing me of my life.  I am only 28 years old; I am married and have 2 young boys.  I don't think my Dr, my husband, and my family understands that mixed states is more serious than just the plane old bipolar diagnosis.  My mixed states never ease up and sometimes it makes me so nauseated.  I have never heard or read someone else's thoughts who have suffered the same as I.  It was like an eye opening experience.  I felt so different from the others with Bipolar in the blogs I belong to.  They have the typical/usual symptoms, which I almost envy.  To JUST have a depressive day... or to JUST have a full of energy day... ugh!  To have them both cursing through your body and soul is painful.  It is agonizing pain!  My head rushes depressive thoughts at me, one bang after bang into my body, into my nerves, into my soul, all while I want to curl up and hide, or run and run until I am so exhausted that I can't even think.  I have so many souls in my head yelling at me, pulling me into their direction, seducing me into thinking what they want me to think.  I don't know who I am or what I am inside.  I haven't had a day without the mixed state in a very long time.  I need a hobby but it is hard to keep consistent with it when you have this illness of mixed states and two young boys.  So I continue to suffer.  My husband feels that I need to get hobbies to keep me happy... if it where only that simple.  Finding a hobby that will appease my moods, finding something that will not seem over whelming to my brain, something that I can do with 2 children while my husband is at work..... well, haven't found it yet.  We moved recently to another state due to my husband being in the military, so I know no one and I am not comfortable leaving my children with people I do not know.  We can't financially afford day cares and my son's are 4 years apart, so my 8 year old would be bored to death at a day care with my 4 year old. ugh!  My boys are also very full of energy so there is constant stimulation there, which doesn't help my on edge nerves.  I try and take them out of the house at least once a day, but we are running out of things to do that don't cost money.  They need stimulated, while I need peace.

Sorry, rambling.. haha

Anyways, it was comforting to know that I am not the only one.

I hope you find peace with in, which is what we with mixed states struggle the most with.