I am very glad and fortunate I found this site, along with one other one which have served as an outlet for me to get more understanding and advice. Hearing other peoples’ situations does help to know I am not alone. We started dating in high school and really were happy most of the last 14 years. We even became the icon name for a happy couple. People in our town always said, “Not everyone can be … and … But, when this disease hit him, it hit like a brick wall. I wish he would just stay on his medication and try to get help! He will take medicine for a short time then quit. He is now addicted to painkillers once again. Because he thinks nothing is wrong with him, it makes it even more frustrating.
When he finally gets home, he always sleeps on the couch now. He doesn't speak to me unless it is with texting because he needs something. This started again a few weeks ago. Of course, it has been an on-again and off-again thing for last 4 years. He is either infatuated with me or hates me (that's how I feel). This epsiode has lasted longer though. I feel like we aren't husband and wife anymore, but just strangers exisitng in the same house.
We have no children, but always use to dream of having a family. I guess it is good there aren't children involved, but that makes it even more serious for me. I am 31 and not getting any younger. I know I want a family, and it is not looking promising here. I honestly don't know what to do anymore. I have stood by him through arrests, drug addictions, being committed to psych ward, and more. But, when he is anger, I am the one he hates and blames for EVERYTHING.
It is just so frustrating and makes me feel hopeless sometimes. I seriously, especially this time, contemplate telling him it is over and to leave. I pay all the bills but one, so he would have to be the one to move out. I just don't want to accept that it is over.
I do love him, but I am drowning here. I talk to no one in our lives because his sickness is a secret. I think that is another reason I am so drained. I spend so much energy trying to keep everything a secret for his sake. He would lose it completely if he thought people knew.
Agghhh!!!! Please offer advice if you have any.
Hi,
So i finally find someone who has had a long, wonderful relationship with her husband just to 'loose' everything to the illness.
My husband whom I've been married to for 12 beautiful years (no major symptoms all these years) was diagnosed 3 months ago at age 44 after trying to commit suicide and going into a Major Manic Episode. He is on meds for 2 months now but still extremely psychotic ...and guess what the woman he adored 3 months ago is now his number 1 enemy, he hates everything about me, says he wasted 12 years of his life and the list of insults go on....
3 months into it, I can even comprehend how the illness has taken the amazing, funny, kind respectful man that I love away from me!
He moved out of the house, doesn't talk to me or trust me. When I see him I can't even look into his eyes, even his physical appearance has changed. I do NOT recognize that man---he is not my Husband!
On the top of all that we have a 2 year old that I've been trying to 'shield' from all this madness.
And even reading all the literature about being diagnosed, and being patient and allowing the meds to really work....3 months into this Hell it feels like all the wonderful 12 years of love are just fading away...and I don't know what to do either!
But this is one thing that I am doing (I guess the fact that I have a child makes me stronger in so many ways--I need to be healthy for her). I'm trying to take care of my physical and mental health (I try to keep up my 5-days a week work out even of for just 20 minutes-yoga helps a lot). I see my wonderful psychologist once a week. And I suggest that you start telling your family. I did tell my family and they keep me 'above water' when I feel like I'm drowning!!! DON'T hide from your family or his.
You/He should not be ashamed that he has this illness. I see it like any other chronic disease, that with treatment and leading a healthy life can be managed (it's true!).
You need to find yourself a 'support system' and family is critical, friends that you trust are great too!
It's not that I've told the world about his illness, but I choose those that I knew I could trust and could help.
You should that otherwise you'll get ill with your husband. You need to help yourself first to have the strength to help him!
Best of luck.
Thank you so much for your advice. Yes, our stories sound very similar. It's crazy how such a wonderful relationship can hit a brick wall so quickly when dealing with bipolar.
In terms of telling people, I am not ashamed of his illness at all. HE is the one who does not want people to know. He would completely flip if I told. I continually tell him it is a real illness like diabetes or high blood pressure, and there is nothing to be ashamed of. He worries of the stigma associated with it...which I know is there. I cringe when I hear people throw around the term bipolar. For example, if someone loses their temper, people say things like, "Oh yeah, he must be bipolar." They just don't get what this disease is like and how those comments sound to people fighting this disease or living in the midst of it every day. I know it worries him since he has heard family members and friends of ours make these very comments, unknowing that he is suffering with the disease.
Thanks again for your advice! Finding this site had been so helpful, so I at least have someone to talk to. I really have felt like I am sinking over the last few years. Lately, it feels more like drowning. Thanks for listening and helping me!