I have been married to my husband for three years. He was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder nearly two and half years ago. Living with someone with Bipolar is like living with Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Dr. Jekyll is a warm, wonderful person who would never hurt me. Then, there is Mr. Hyde and he is the beast that lives within the man I love.
Last night Mr. Hyde took over my husband and he became so enraged, cornered me and started calling me so many hurtful things.....even things about me being molested as a kid (very painful things). I tried to walk away, but this just infuriates him more. I finally escaped his wrath through a back patio door and even though he did not hit me, I had to call the police to help keep the peace so that I could gather my things and leave for the night.
The next day, my husband (Dr. Jekyll) was in tears and begging for forgiveness.
I feel bad, but I am having such a hard time forgiving when I cannot forget about the hurtful things that he said. Especially when the things he spoke of caused such psychological damage to my psyche as a child.
I do believe that we should forgive and I know that I should grant this because "it is the right the thing to do", however, I am not finding this easy. I fear that I have been hurt so many times and to grant it, is just inviting more hurt. Then I ask myself, why should I stay with someone that causes me hurt (emotional hurt). A relationship should not be judged by just the good, but how you handle the bad. I now feel depressed by the things he has said about me, I wonder what the correlation of depressive spouses are to those who are married to bipolars????