sometimes I wonder why some men do just enough to get by but when it has to do with fulfilling their desires they will go over and beyond to reach it.Almost every man that Ive known doesnt mind a woman as long as shes doing all the work and providing for them but when it has to do with them doing something ,they are like trying to make a child do something.Usually the guy will fall flat on his face but I dont say anything after this happens.Sometimes Ill remind them of what I told them not to do but they did it anyway.Me trying to tell a guy to do something is like it going in one ear and out the other.Then not only that they do it again and again.Its very hard when I found out that they were on hard drugs and/or alcohol.Alcohol and drugs isnt just a problem amongst them its a problem for family members also because they live with them.A person cant trust somebody like this.The relationships Ive been in always ask me "How come you cant trust me?"My Dad always told me "trust is earned"!Ive picked some relationships because I felt sorry for the person and ended up being abused because they were all for themself and addicted on hard drugs.I had 2 children by this person.I held myself in this marriage for 7 years hoping things would change but after damage is done to you mentally over a 7 year time ,its hard to trust that person again so staying with him even if he changed for the better still wouldnt bring me back to trusting him again.Not only that,Ive been through this with another relationship and when I found out I was pregnant the father of my little one left me . I had nothing.He left the day I found out I was pregnant.He wanted to try us being together again a couple years down the road.It didnt work again because once a persons hurt its hard to regain their trust(such as me).Especially every time Id try to make it work again with somebody Id always find out that they were still on drugs when they said they werent, or alcohol.Almost everybody thats on drugs or alcohol have serious attitudes that they dont make any sense at all.They just want to show people that they are "in charge!"I have a hard time opening up to people to tell them how I feel because of being hurt so much and when I finally find a "friend" to talk to them about my problems they go and start turning me into HRS,police and alot more things . they apparently think they are God and dont have anything wrong in their life!!! Sometimes I feel like staying inside alot so I dont have to see whats going on outside.Once in awhile Ill talk to people but I dont like women because these men have cheated on me,played mind games such as staying somewhere for a long time in the area where this woman might be.On purpose not telling me what they did at work because all of a sudden a woman is working with them and they took her number down.I go and get close to people(even in my relationships)and IM the only one giving ,giving,and giving.Now when I dont give people get mad because they are expecting it from me.Ive been in so much negative stuff that I dont want any arguments,no fights no disagreements or anything so I just do things that make others happy.Sometimes this is bad.I hold in how I feel in order for others to be happy because if I let people know how I really feel it will only be used against me. My father is a preacher and him and my mother are a type of people that the more you tell them if it goes against what they prefer or their beleif they dont help me or call me or even stop by.They will babysit for my brother because he has money and he helped my parents build their house and he does alot for them but he doesnt go to church and he drinks alcohol?So what is this christian thing about?The unconditional love that christians are sappose to show or is it about the money???Im disabled and I cant do what my brother can do.Im beginning to wonder if Im even their kid.All of them have money but yet when I received my back pay for disability they tabbed up what I owe them for this and that.I ended up having to pay my parents over 1,000 dollars and my brother and his wife over 1,000 dollars.I cant work ,Ive been on welfare for 15 years.Now I have too much monthly income to qualify for foodstamps and medicaid.If I need surgery or anything that requires anasthesia I have no transportation provided.Ive had to postpone 2 times a hip (surgical procedure to be done).You know what?Its funny how my family can tell me to do this or that but they never once say how they can help.I could go on and on but Ill save it for the next time.buy