husband bipolar, in denial

Unfortunately & well, fortunately in some ways unless he gives his psychiatrist and therapist permission to speak to and with you - you can't.  He is an adult and can restrict access to whomever he chooses to restrict access to.  Which makes your side of things, I realize, so much harder.  You could call them & leave them a message but, don't expect them to actually speak to you or confirm he is a patient unless he has given permission.

I have a problem though with you and his friends saying he is "acting Bipolar" because none of you, at least you haven't noted, have a college degree - nor any specialized training - nor any doctorate training in diagnosing Bipolar.  You are going solely on the basis of your daughter's illness and his friends are going on their perception of what Bipolar means to them, which is likely twisted.

Let him go.  He is making your life a living hell right now, if he is spreading lies about you why would you want him to return?  Do you really want him diagnosed Bipolar that badly and why?  To give him an excuse for intolerable inappropriate behavior to make it better for you to live with maybe?  "He treats me badly but it isn't his fault it's his mental illness." For Jimmy Cricket's sake....

If he is going to a psychiatrist or a therapist worth any grain of salt he/she will eventually (after meeting with him a bit) probably tweak the diagnosis and the drugs should they need tweaking and if not - then they know more than you even if it is coming solely from him.  You can only hide so much for so long if you've got a good one.

Your focus should be solely on yourself and the health and well being of your daughter, not him.  If you are fixing to lose your home, focus on finding another roof cause you & your daughter need it. 

I take it your daughter is also an adult and you are wanting to help her as well.  That is what mom's are for but there comes a time when mom's do too much for their adult children and it enters the enabling function and not the helping function.  Your daughter needs rehab and to get professional help on her own with a bit of guidance and support from you & she is very fortunate to have you BUT she has to do it for herself.

Regardless of what illness he has, your husband does not sound stable.  He is living with his parents, let him.  Move onward with your life, get things settled down as much as you can without him cause he isn't there to assist and you aren't able to count on him to do so.

If later down the road he comes back, then you'll have to make a decision as to what you are willing to deal with and live with and what you'll tolerate and won't tolerate.  After that, it was your decision that you made as to what consequences you are living through.  Harshness but true.

Right now, he is out - take the time to re-assess what is going on, what you want out of your life, and get your stuff settled down and focus on what really truly matters to you right now.

I feel sad for you!  I know exactly how you feel because my fiancee has been diagnosed with bipolar but says he does not have nor will seek help or meds.  To him everything is my fault when as with you all I have done is support him all the time.

He is right now in the mental ward for saying he was going to kill himself yesterday with my fathers gun.  He is extremely intellegent and can talk his way out of anything so he will probably be out soon.  As for letting your husbands professional people know about his illness, you could probably type a letter and drop it off.  I would think any ethical physician that truly wants to help their patient would look and evaluate what you have to say.

I am so drained from living with him for the past 3 years, it is so humiliating at times, embarrassing, especially when they blocked off our street last night and all the neighbors left with their kids.  I don't know what to do either, I think of the good guy in him, very loving at times but getting much more agitated and abusive with each new year.  And the finanacial end well thats another story, he has not filed taxes for 10 years irs is after him, he does not hardly pay bills and when I bring it up there is an episode where things could get broken or as last night he slapped me and I stormed our, hence the whole I am killing myself thing,,,,again!!!!

I am so tired of it to but maybe we should count our blessings sister!  I will be thinking of you and your family.