My husband recently took sixteen of my bipolar daughter's pills and then called 911...after talking suicide for a couple of weeks and his behavior getting unbearable, and being delusional. (not his biological daughter, ironically,but we brought her here to help her get help, after finding out she was homeless, on no meds for bipolar, on Methadone to get off Heroin, and also had been kidnapped at knifepoint). Then when he got ourt of the hospital he left me.
I did talk him into going to get mental help; he now has a therapist/psychiatrist. But he told me they said he has depression, anxiety and ADHD. I KNOW he is bipolar, but if he just tells them his side of things how will they know this? He was verbally/emotionally abusive, mad about crazy things all the time like my daughter being on the phone on a Sat. nite or drinking out of a glass instead of a plastic cup in the house...attacking me for such stupid non-issues all the time too, argumentative to the nth degree, says everything he's going thru is because of me, talks bad about me to everyone, cries and when I hold him he breaks away and says it's my fault he's like this...tells people I 'berated" him when he got out of the hospital when in reality I was as nice as could be...and finally left for the second time last weekend, as he admitted he just couldn't be civil to me, resented me for his condition (I have always been madly in love with him and treat him as such; but he he resents my kids, his new business failed, we were suffering financially, and he just lost it...)
I am facing losing our home now as he is living with his parents and I can't pay the bills on my own. Already having a very mentally ill daughter is so hard and now I cannot believe it turns out he is too! He used to be so in love with me, but as he started getting depressed and abusive, it seems to have turned into hate. My question is, how can I talk to his therapist or psychiatrist? He is undoubtedly lying to them and telling them I have been bad to him or mean or other lies. Will they be able to tell without knowing all the signs of bipolar he's been exhibiting? Even his friends brought up his acting bipolar, before I ever said a word about it.
Broken hearted
Unfortunately & well, fortunately in some ways unless he gives his psychiatrist and therapist permission to speak to and with you - you can't. He is an adult and can restrict access to whomever he chooses to restrict access to. Which makes your side of things, I realize, so much harder. You could call them & leave them a message but, don't expect them to actually speak to you or confirm he is a patient unless he has given permission.
I have a problem though with you and his friends saying he is "acting Bipolar" because none of you, at least you haven't noted, have a college degree - nor any specialized training - nor any doctorate training in diagnosing Bipolar. You are going solely on the basis of your daughter's illness and his friends are going on their perception of what Bipolar means to them, which is likely twisted.
Let him go. He is making your life a living hell right now, if he is spreading lies about you why would you want him to return? Do you really want him diagnosed Bipolar that badly and why? To give him an excuse for intolerable inappropriate behavior to make it better for you to live with maybe? "He treats me badly but it isn't his fault it's his mental illness." For Jimmy Cricket's sake....
If he is going to a psychiatrist or a therapist worth any grain of salt he/she will eventually (after meeting with him a bit) probably tweak the diagnosis and the drugs should they need tweaking and if not - then they know more than you even if it is coming solely from him. You can only hide so much for so long if you've got a good one.
Your focus should be solely on yourself and the health and well being of your daughter, not him. If you are fixing to lose your home, focus on finding another roof cause you & your daughter need it.
I take it your daughter is also an adult and you are wanting to help her as well. That is what mom's are for but there comes a time when mom's do too much for their adult children and it enters the enabling function and not the helping function. Your daughter needs rehab and to get professional help on her own with a bit of guidance and support from you & she is very fortunate to have you BUT she has to do it for herself.
Regardless of what illness he has, your husband does not sound stable. He is living with his parents, let him. Move onward with your life, get things settled down as much as you can without him cause he isn't there to assist and you aren't able to count on him to do so.
If later down the road he comes back, then you'll have to make a decision as to what you are willing to deal with and live with and what you'll tolerate and won't tolerate. After that, it was your decision that you made as to what consequences you are living through. Harshness but true.
Right now, he is out - take the time to re-assess what is going on, what you want out of your life, and get your stuff settled down and focus on what really truly matters to you right now.