What have I done, I don't want to take gravol forever, waaaah.

By Kad Saturday, October 24, 2009

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Oh, **** I am having the overwhelming urge to throw breakables at the wall, so much so that its unbearable. I'm down on my lith dose for brain issues (I want it to work better) and barf issues (I'm sick of taking gravol) but its been almost 2 weeks and I cannot focus on school, think I'm getting depressed, starting to scream more and more at him....actually think I have darned good reason to hate him...uuuuhhhggg!!!!!!! And tonight he wants to go out with a friend for drinks, like noooooo waaayyyyy!!!!!!!! I want to hit him with a heavy cup. Somebody help. I think I need lithium. Shoot. I think he makes me ligitamatly mad but I'm overreacting, and it's crazy, I'm thinking he's going to strippers and stuff.

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Kad

10/24/09 10:47pm

And I should add, I'm just soooo mad that he would suggest this right now when we have no money (oh but his friend is a millionare, and I ain't joking) and haven't been on a 'date' in like weeks maybe months he says out of courtesy he didn't invite me cause I'm studying...........................................how nice of you #@#@%&&%***&%#@#@..................much better now. I hope I don't drink too much tonight.

Thanks for listening, now you know way too much about how crazy I am.

AmberNichole

10/26/09 3:01pm

I am in the same boat. I want to throw and scream and hit and yell and run. I dont have any good advice only that I am there with you. I hate it, I seem better and them wham... effing crazy amber comes out to play. I am so sorry, but be mad if you want, yell explatives and if need be throw some stuff!

alxv

10/25/09 2:16am

Oh Kad I'm so sorry you are going through that...

Can you call your Pdoc for him to help you control better what's going on in your brain?

There must be something you can take to calm it down a bit. One thing that can help is exercise to burn all that energy you have extra.

I normally I take slipping pills when I'm like that because they lower down my manic levels enough for me to stabilize for the time I need if I need to study.

I still think you are letting yourself stress out with it which makes it worse, please be patient I'm sure all will end up well.

Alex

tabby

10/25/09 10:07pm

Kad

I say this with much loving kindness, I do.

What I say below, means not one thing and yet it is all I can offer you.

It is merely my thought and opinion and nothing more.

Take it, leave it, shred it, trash it... it matters none. It is merely my thought and opinion and not one thing more. Yet, I say it with much loving kindness because I care. I shouldn't really but, I do.

You are de-railing and you know it. You know how to not derail but you don't want to take those steps to do that.

It involves proper medication and proper dosages that a psychiatrist is better able to adjust and tweak than a general practitioner. Yet, a doctor is better than none at this time and perhaps you really need to see your GP asap to see if he'll tweak and adjust.

It involves therapy to better understand the behavioral component to the disorder and how to avoid or manage that which triggers (perhaps outside stressors such as school) the behavioral impulses. It also gives you a flesh and blood person to go to in states of crisis, to help you work through those states to where you can become stable in your mood and behavior.

It also means, no self-medicating or severely limiting the intake of self-medication (ie., alcohol) because it screws up the mood cycling and gets in the way of the medication's ability to work.

Kad

10/26/09 3:39pm

Ah, well, maybe I shouldn't think its ok to share my crazy episodes "as" they happen on here, but I am one of those isolated people, partly by choice. I know I need a pdoc, even though my last two experiences (and ones in the past) were a nightmare. I much prefer my doctors personality, I know he doesn't have the time or knowledge for my issues. I will speak to him about it again next time.

I loooooaaaaathe groups and group councelling. It makes me want to vomit a little in my mouth. And if I have time to wash my hair more than once every 3 days with all my kids, school and working, both close to full time than it's amazing really. So unless I am so desperate I don't see it soon. In fact I mostly hate people. There's few that I like.

Upside, my urge to smash is temorarily gone, the lower dose is making me want to help out around the house with cooking more (that is totally unbeleiveable) and I think it really is helping my memory with school. I am more productive at work too. We'll see if that turns into mania or what. But I can't fail any school or the world will end for me.

I'm fine, I just HATE his friend. He's always trying to get my hubby away...he had him convinced it would be ok to go to their highschool reunion together, like dates! What a riot. See what I mean? What's to like.

What have I done, I don't want to take gravol forever, waaaah.

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