Hello,

Not so many years ago, my suspitions were confirmed and I was diagnosed Bipolar 1 Rapid Cycling. My life has had so many tramatic events that it was easy to mask my mental illness or even deny it. In 2004 I lost my first son to a battle with cancer just 22 days after his 11th birthday. December 21,2006 when I was just 5 months pregnant I learned that I was having a baby boy with a serious congenital heart defect.

Austin is 7 months old now, he's been through two open heart surgeries for his Hypoplastic left heart syndrome and he has 1 more to go before the process is complete.

This last month, I could feel myself spiraling in every direction. I made an appointment with my Psychiatrist and yesterday afternoon felt the first signs of relief.

The triggers in my life seem endless, what has changed is my outlook on them & how I recognize & deal with each of these things. Cognitive Self Change. THis simple little phrase has saved my life. If I have a thought like.... I just don't want to live any more or nobody understands me, or I'm so alone. I then remember that God has given me the opportunity to once again be called mommy. He has given me a husband who sticks by me with open arms through the ups and the downs and the meds that just make things worse at time. I am doing great. Today, I am enrolled at Bellevue University in Nebraska for my Bachelors degree in Biology. all because if I activly chose to think possitive and good thoughts about what is right in my life the wrong isn't so overbearing.

I want to share with you a girl/woman who was on her knees and ready to end her life not so long ago and at a broken state of mind without medication. with blood running on the floor. She felt arms wrapped around her a soft voice saying i love you, you're going to be okay. and i believe in you. Those loving words kept that girl on the floor as she silently prayed, "God I can't do this on my own, I need your strength"

Today I am a mom, a wife, and a college student. If you knew every bit of emotional, physical and psychological trauma I've been through you would know that if I can stand up, put on boxing gloves and fight this mental illness and smile every morningn when I wake up, I promise so can you.

Forget the days troubles......remember the days Blessings!

Tammy T.

Nebraska