Hi Tiffany,
First off, read the other comments, there's good advice in there from people who might have more perspective on the situation than you right now.
I was diagnosed with bipolar ll in my first year at University. I've had my fair share of problems, parents divorcing and what not. At University I was also real pot head and sometimes pills. ( though luckely I did'nt have the contactsa or cash to sustain the habbit.) But weed is cheap and I smoked everyday. I know the feeling. It's great, you feel so open and smart and special because you are in a place that allot of people don't know about. The fact though is that even though i personally don't think weed is that bad, I also know that it's not for me. Sugar isn't bad but if you have diabetes you'd better keep clear of it.
Right now your not in very great place and I really feel for you but it's just going to get worse if you don't take control and takink control is very very hard work. You have to be 120% devoted to it and extremely determent. If I'm this is making you feel worse, it's fine because I'm not going to lie to you so you feel better for 10 min. You really are going to have to work hard at it. Here's the good news, disguised as the bad news: YOU DON"T HAVE A CHOICE! If you don't want to ens up in a back alley somewhere as a crackwhore or in a looneybin banging you head agains a wall... you'll have to shape up. YOU, not your parents or friends or anybody else. YOU.
You sound very paranoid, which is to be expected when you smoke grass all the time. I was hyper paranoid.
Stop telling yourself you don't fit in. Nobody fits in. It's an illusion that life is some party and you weren't invited. Give yourself some time. Sorry to say but your going to face some pretty tough times ahead. You will have to decide what job you want, where you want to stay, who you are going to marry. You learm alot in a very short time. You will make mistakes but thats okey. Somethings no one can tell you, you have to see them for yourself. I don't think anyone expects all these things from you I think you expect them from yourself. Which is great, you've got standards, even thuigh you aren't living up to them right now. Allot of you anger is guilt, and anger at yourself. Ask yourself: waht an I doing that is making me so angry?
Also, no one likes not being in control. We want security and only you can give yourself security. You may have noticed that it all comes back to you again and again, which can be pretty daunting but at the same time a blessing because it means you have the power to change your life.
Speak to your parents, (when your'e not high) and tell them. This will be your first step if you are truely commited and not such looking for attention. Hopefully, they will be hard on you and thus help you. Go see a shrink that you know helps you, some of them are really good. Realise that the next year or maybe two or three is not going to be a party, it's going to suck most of the time, but it's either 3 years of sucking or a lifetime. If you get through this, and you can, the years that follow will be filled not alway swith happiness but with contentment, peace and wisdom.
A quote for you: As long as you are suffering a burden and try to escape it, it will go badly with you, but if you accept that this is what you have to face right now, you will know peace.
Good things to you, it's time to get real!
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Hi Tiffany,
First off, read the other comments, there's good advice in there from people who might have more perspective on the situation than you right now.
I was diagnosed with bipolar ll in my first year at University. I've had my fair share of problems, parents divorcing and what not. At University I was also real pot head and sometimes pills. ( though luckely I did'nt have the contactsa or cash to sustain the habbit.) But weed is cheap and I smoked everyday. I know the feeling. It's great, you feel so open and smart and special because you are in a place that allot of people don't know about. The fact though is that even though i personally don't think weed is that bad, I also know that it's not for me. Sugar isn't bad but if you have diabetes you'd better keep clear of it.
Right now your not in very great place and I really feel for you but it's just going to get worse if you don't take control and takink control is very very hard work. You have to be 120% devoted to it and extremely determent. If I'm this is making you feel worse, it's fine because I'm not going to lie to you so you feel better for 10 min. You really are going to have to work hard at it. Here's the good news, disguised as the bad news: YOU DON"T HAVE A CHOICE! If you don't want to ens up in a back alley somewhere as a crackwhore or in a looneybin banging you head agains a wall... you'll have to shape up. YOU, not your parents or friends or anybody else. YOU.
You sound very paranoid, which is to be expected when you smoke grass all the time. I was hyper paranoid.
Stop telling yourself you don't fit in. Nobody fits in. It's an illusion that life is some party and you weren't invited. Give yourself some time. Sorry to say but your going to face some pretty tough times ahead. You will have to decide what job you want, where you want to stay, who you are going to marry. You learm alot in a very short time. You will make mistakes but thats okey. Somethings no one can tell you, you have to see them for yourself. I don't think anyone expects all these things from you I think you expect them from yourself. Which is great, you've got standards, even thuigh you aren't living up to them right now. Allot of you anger is guilt, and anger at yourself. Ask yourself: waht an I doing that is making me so angry?
Also, no one likes not being in control. We want security and only you can give yourself security. You may have noticed that it all comes back to you again and again, which can be pretty daunting but at the same time a blessing because it means you have the power to change your life.
Speak to your parents, (when your'e not high) and tell them. This will be your first step if you are truely commited and not such looking for attention. Hopefully, they will be hard on you and thus help you. Go see a shrink that you know helps you, some of them are really good. Realise that the next year or maybe two or three is not going to be a party, it's going to suck most of the time, but it's either 3 years of sucking or a lifetime. If you get through this, and you can, the years that follow will be filled not alway swith happiness but with contentment, peace and wisdom.
A quote for you: As long as you are suffering a burden and try to escape it, it will go badly with you, but if you accept that this is what you have to face right now, you will know peace.
Good things to you, it's time to get real!
reply