I just stumbled upon this site and im hoping that it will give me some kind of hope. it is refreshing to know that im not the only person who struggles with this disease. I was diagnosed 7 years ago at age 18 and have basically been living in denial and on and off several different meds. I have ruined relationships, hurt people, tried to kill myself...all in some mad attempt to stop this rollercoaster that is my life. I recently started a new job and promise myself to go back to the dr...i promise myself this because at this point i am extremly depressed and refuse to have to face another day in this state. What scares me most is not ever getting better i think, also im scared of the next manic episode because i never see them coming and when they come they are hardcore and i turn into some girl who has no inhibitions. I struggle in my marriage, my husband tries so hard to be supportive but i have put him and my children through utter hell and misery and i wonder sometimes why he even wants to breathe the same air as me. Anyway thanks for listening
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The Abyss
12/11/08 9:12am
Hi. I am glad you shared your story and appreciate your honesty. It sounds like you want help not only for yourself but for those in your life and this says alot. I have a question. Do you use alcohol or drugs (other than your pres. meds)? These can often be triggers and deplete the balance of chemicals. I would suggest a good self evaluation of all of your triggers and educate yourself (there are many resources) on your total diagnosis (of what a medical professional has informed you). This will help with your self evaluation. One of the main keys to success with coping and managing is consistency, and it sounds like this is alot of what you are having trouble with. Finding out what is the best way to keep structure of positive behaviors in your life can be very important. I suspect you are on the way to recovery since you wrote in and please don't give up. It took alot of strength to take the step for help and you can be an inspiration to many. The best to you.
12/11/08 10:39am
Thank you so much for your insight, most times preceeding a manic episode i have been using drugs and/or alchohol to try to in a way self medicate and help the depressions. Im surely seeing that this thing needs a holistic approach, diet, sleep alll of these need to be accounted for because thinking back on it there is usually someting out of whack right before a manic episode. The highs are seductive, it feels like a sweet release from the dark prison of my mind, but it turns into a terrible cycle when i come back to reality and have some clue as to what ive done this time. Does anyone have any advice on being patient with others who seem to further the stigma of your illness. Even though my husband tries to support me he sees mental illness as something that everryone has but only the weak succumb to it, like if i would just try hard enough then i would no longer be BP, i know thats impossible but i also know this is a view embraced by many.
12/11/08 12:05pm
Although it has been a view embraced by many alot are seeing the light regarding the progress of the mental health field in treating illnesses. Would your husband go to your therapist with you and listen to an explanation of how alot of patients are able to function and progress with the support of those close in their lives along with the proper medication and treatment? Hopefully he will - Also seek support from other resources whom possibly your mental health specialist can provide and if not there are agencies that provide these types of resources. If the non support continues from your spouse maybe he would go to a marriage counselor. The best to you and yours
12/11/08 9:15am
For years I thought I was "crazy" or would blame my moods on PMS. After many years of SSRI's which just made things worse I was told by a doctor to seek mental help. I did and was diagnosed as Bipolar. That explained MANY problems in my past. It took a while trying different meds but finally a combination of Lithium, Wellbutrin and Trazadone works for me. I still manic and get depressed at times, but now I know what's wrong and can deal with it. I don't feel the meds (like feeling "high") until I get off of them. Hang in there and talk to your doctor if a medication is not working right. You are the only one who knows how you feel. Meds won't cure you, but they can help you deal with being Bipolar.
12/11/08 3:30pm
Hi my son was diag, 3 years ago more looks like schizophrenia,and is very difficult for the family because we love more the person that is sick,i make my son to change the diet more vegetable fruit No meet , take the medication even if you feeld good, exercise,dance ,sing but ,,,, positive music !!! happy music try Indu musica is full of riterm ( i'm a Argentinian person some time my Ingles is so-so))
read the bible salms is comforting , I hope that will help you and i pray that my son accept my advices , is not only you that lived in denial my loving son d'ont take the medications and the voices torment him at this point only want to be in hes room
please fallow my advices
God Bless you
Marite
12/11/08 5:02pm
Hi, I was diagnosed three years ago with bipolar 1. My husband has been through hell with me too. I got so manic that I thought he was out to kill me. My paranoia and delusions controlled my life. I was in denial for over a year, taking my meds on and of for that time. What finally woke me up was that the episodes became more and more severe, ultimately possessing me to strip down naked in public and start masturbating. I was homeless for two months, hitchiking across the U.S. I want you to know that denial is of course the first stage of the disease. That once you get past denial and start accepting help, your life can transform into a very stable and wonderful place. There are no short term cures. It usually takes months if not years to get the right cocktail of medicine. For me it took me two years, but now I lead a very fufilling life. I'm working part time, going to school and my marriage is better than ever. Please don't give up hope.
12/11/08 6:27pm
you are not the only one the struggle with this diease it run in the family and a lot to do with your past also , I have been doing this after I had my children and didn't know I had the problem till some years later , I was a good person then ,I was working and come home struggle so much happened and I would get better and then when I had problem with my relation it hurt so bad because one of my family would get in trouble and do bad to the mother like me and end up in the hospital and some years later I had the same problem with another relation and end up in Emergery room and would go to mental hospital and it happened with my daughter , sons and my hubby , I love them dearly and I know what you going through sometime it is them that need help too but it would not be your false. I am doing better but sometime when a person hurt your feeling it make u feel down and don't feel nothing anymore. But I have lived with it for over 20 years ,and I forget the past and move forward ,don't bring up the past put it on back burn, I don't ever know how long I have been like this and I'm still taking medicine for it ,it is alway change medication through years and I would get better. I haven't been back and kids is married and living away from home. I have been blessing to have 2 little grandsons they are my bright
and They are so special. Hope you doing well as I have been though the years.
12/11/08 8:11pm
Hi, Briefly I've been at this for almost 15 years. Your perspective on this illness is
very important. If you think you've been cursed well guess what your self esteem,
mood, life in general will be miserable until you change your way of thinking. All of us
humans are NOT perfect. At some point in every one's life you will contract some
type of illness. So you must make the best of each circumstance.
I recommed you read the book, "An Unquiet Mind". Secondly read the Bipolar
Survival Guide. No.....No alcohol or illicit drugs ever. Exercise at least 5 times
a week for a minimum of 30 minutes a day getting your heart rate rather high
for a few minutes in that work out....good for your mind. Eat well. Sleep well.
Minimize stress, really think before you do something and how it will effect your mood.
In other words.... BE MINDFUL of your MIND. It takes time to figure out what
works and what aggravates you. Finally always remember your children need you...
they only get one mom.
Take Care
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get on meds, stay on meds, work with pdoc, talk with tdoc, join support groups
then the possibility of manic episodes won't be so high (meds) and your acting out on your lack of inhibition won't be so severe (meds) because you know you must do this.
you aren't the only one who struggles and you aren't the only one who stops their meds. with that being said... be one of the apparent few of us, who when you KNOW what you are capable of doing and becoming when off your meds by your past history (cause you just named some), will get back on them and stay on them
keep your promise to yourself and better yet... keep your promise to yourself for your family who has been put through hell with you