I was diagnosed with bipolar ll about 6 years ago. I had 2 manic episodes, which were awful. The fear and anxiety i cannot explain to anyone, except those who have also experienced it. My manic episodes went hand in hand with religious fear. Fear of damnation, fear of judgement fear,fe...
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The five Stages
Eric
Tuesday, July 22, 2008 at 06:05 AMre: The five Stages
GR8life
Tuesday, July 22, 2008 at 01:07 PMThanks for the reply, I think. It's funny how us humans want credit when we've been in something longer than someone else. If I'm in a crappy job for 10 years and my collegue for only 3 before deciding to leave, then shame on me.
More to the point though, I realise that pdocs have their place and so does pills and I'm not advocating otherwise to any person who does not take the time to get info on it, to the contrary, I hope they don't read my post. I know people who don't even know how much they are taking of a specific drug. They just pop the pills and give the prescription in at the drug store. I mean really! But for those who do have a brain and sometimes like to use it, I urge them to get info on the subject. I've read about a dozen or so books on the topic, not just about my case but about rapid cycling, the seasonl efffects and all these. I've checked out the meds on other sites and so on. Even if I dont have the 10 year notch on my belt yet, I'm still willing to take the risk. And that really is the bottom line.
Risk assesment. Take the situation and look at the worst expected results on both sides, then make an informed decision on what would really be worse. I'd take manic again if it meant I could have normality untill then, anyday over not really being here. Cos I wasn't. You obviously have alot of trust in meds but having wanted to kill myself most of the time on them, I just don't think that highly of them. It's about 5 years of my life lost. It maight not be your 10 or 20 but it's still enough to make me almost angry mostly at myself though, cos like you said, no one can force you to take them, though there is alot of manipulation involved even from people who love you and really do think it's the best. I realise some people really do need the meds. But how can thay know for certain. I see my phsyc once in 3 months or so for about 15 min. Based on this she decides what chemicals I should put into my only body. (that are not naturally found in the body and has adverse effects because the wonderfull machine that is me is telling my body "this don't belong here" thus resulting in nausea and all such things). In fact it's really me who decides what drugs I'm going to get anyways then. If I tell her it's going great, the meds stay the same. If I don't they go up. If my thoughts are racing... you guessed it... Zyprexa! 2 months later, ween off the Zyprexa. Now you are really going to get mad, and that is not my intention but truth be told... I realise it's something that pdocs do to med school for and then specialise in, but it's still not rocket science. Even rocket science can be anderstood to a degree, even if only in part, if you spent enough time on it. So it's not really the holy ground that some make it out to be. Most services we pay for we do so because we don't have the time to get the knowlege and do it ourselves. I buy bread because i'm not interested in baking it myself and it's great that there are people who do it for me but if I wanted to, I could bake it myself. Granted psychiatry is alot more complicated but if I wanted to, I could understand the basics behind it. I probably sound incredibly arrogant. In Will Smith's movie "The pursuit of happiness" he tells his son that people will tell you you can't do something because they can't or are afraid of doing it. That, I think is right on. As everybody knows fear is our greatest enemy. I am not afraid of taking these drugs, I'm afraid of not taking them. The easy road is taking them, the hard and less traveled one is not taking them.
Again I do not wish to go around telling everybody to stop their medication, I'm saying, stop and think, don't let others think for you. Get info and get to your your own conclusion. Why live your life on someone elses?
If all of this come back to bite me in a special place then I've learnt something. If not I've gained something.
Risk assesment. There is risk either side of this, but I, me personally, would rather take the risk I'm taking right now. If you wouldn't then that is you, you are different from me and that is what makes life intersting.
P.S Some good advice you gave to tiffany.
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Untitled Comment
tabby
Tuesday, July 22, 2008 at 07:28 AMAh, Eric's 5 stages. I like Eric and respect him but where I differ with him is this notion that, as individuals, we really don't have a clue as to what is best for us. Well, most of us, anyway. There are quite a few folks with Bipolar who truly shouldn't think for themselves whereas there are the other that actually do have some synapses connecting somewhere.
I'm an "old timer" in the psychiatric mental health battlefield. I've been seen since I was 11 (over 30 years) and have been on just about everything thrown down the pharmaceutical pipeline. Most, I've been unable to handle or were the wrong thing to begin with. So, I get weary now when a pdoc exhalts the latest and greatest thing to me and wants oh so badly for me to be on it, cause this one might be IT.
I'm not one to put multitudes of pills in my body cause my system is over sensitive - so yes, I back off when a pdoc wants to write out 5 prescriptions at one time for 5 drugs that turns out 2 of those 5 are for the same symptom. It's just relieving the symptoms my friends, it isn't relieving the illness or that which makes the symptoms. It's just relieving the symptoms you are experiencing at that given moment.
A lot of pdocs get overly handy when prescribing and yes, a lot of folks get "drugged down". Some, I've seen are so drugged (including myself twice recently) that drool actually was present with little to no brain activity a firing. Way to live, quality of life, whoo hoo.
I'm not against meds - don't get me wrong, I'm not. I think meds have their place in the treatment of Bipolar. I believe not all with Bipolar though require medication first and foremost. Some forms of Bipolar react well with intensive therapy, some with intensive therapy with a side line of mild med therapy, and so on up the spectrum.
It really is about the individual and the doc that person entrusts. They, working closely hand in hand to see what is best - both being open to trying things and not one just insistent on the tried and true.
However, a person with Bipolar that isn't willing to work with a professional, isn't willing to go hand in hand, isn't willing to be open to some form of treatment, uses their newly diagnosed illness as an excuse for inappropriate behavior, makes those around them use it as an excuse, plays the victim, and manipulates the situation by self-medication of alcohol and illicit drugs - I have no tolerance or empathy for.
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I just wanted to add a couple of comments to your post. No doctor can force you to take anything…that has and always will be your choice (they can’t follow you everywhere to see if you are). Yes there are side effects to every medication and you have to with the help of your psychiatrist you can weigh out the pros and con’s to each finding the right balance.
The majority of people do really well on sub therapeutic doses of most medications, which are why it is so important to treat the patient and not the illness. I know opposits attract but usually when it comes to religon, it's best to both be on the same page and not totally the opposite. I like the older saying of "God dosen't give us what we want...only what we need", give that some thought. Everything requires an effort on our part.
My take is that you are in stage 2 of the 5 stages listed below that I wrote in a book of mine. Where would you place yourself?
There is what I like to call 5 stages of treatment with our illness.
Stage one is Looney on the loose waiting to be captured and not on any medications.
Stage two is when we are finally captured of given the diagnoses but still think we know best and either self-medicate with drugs and or alcohol or decide what doses of the current prescribed medications.
Stage three is when we finally give up the notion that we know best (kind of like doing surgery on oneself) and work closely and honestly with our therapist and psychiatrist to get the correct medication combo to get us stabilized. Hint…no psychiatrist really wants you dummied down but they also don’t want you getting yourself into more trouble.
Stage four is when we finally come to grips that medications are not a cure all and that stabilization doesn’t necessarily mean you being a happy person. It usually has the opposite effect in that we are now left with the ability to capture those thoughts and can now see the havoc we have caused to the people around us.
Stage five is taking your medications on a daily bases without being told, taking responsibility for your actions and life, setting goals for the future to keep you safe and out of harms way and last but not least…not making your illness the center stage of your life of using it as to why you can’t do this or that.
Deciding to stop your medications or worse yet self-medicating is your choice….but beware, doing so can actually kill you. Another think to keep in mind is that the usual case when we stop our medications is that we tend to start in the direction of hypomanic meaning we feel great and think we know it all and that we really didn’t need those medications after all. This is usually short lived and I wish you the very best.
We old timers have been through this a number of times and I guess its part of the process to get to stage five if we live through it.
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