How to Provide Support to Someone with Bipolar

Thanks Tabby,

Yes, people put a lot of faith in medication - probably far too much.

Pleased you like the new mug shot. Bit of a vanity thing really, specs off, trying to look cool, but no airbrushing I promise.

Good for you Roni. Your approach sounds about as good as any other and if it works for you - well that's the key! It's difficult not to take things personally when they are often specifically flung at you, but the alternative seems to be that you do take it personally and I can't see this helping anyone. Thanks for your comments.

What an inspirational story! I think quite a few people would like to borrow your Mom. And well done to you. Your early life was full of turmoil but you've turned these and other experiences to your advantage. Sound like you make a great team!

I agree. I too have had a terrible situation. My mother thought that the best thing to do every time I had an episode was to take me to the hospital and say my medications weren't working. She simply didn't want me or my brother around anymore and didn't know how to get rid of us. I had no financial support when I turned 18 and had to work on my own with bipolar disorder. Being in institutions off and on did not prepare me for work and I only had a GED. It took years to establish myself and when I did (ort thought I did) I found I was below the poverty line and was still eligible for Social Security, so I applied and won five more years later. Yet, I found support when I least expected it and where it was least expected and although most people did handle situations appropriately sometimes I feel the support I was given is what has given me the life I have today and I am thankful. It is still rocky. I went out to find people who would be supportive of me, almost like it was business, because I could not afford to surround myself with people who would be detrimental to my well being. Today after years of failed relationships and reattempts to gain meaningful relationships I have created a small safety net for myself and they are supportive of my illness in an appropriate way. I would like to stress that I have given up on perfection and am 100% better for it.

I think you should provide them with materials on Bipolar. The more, the better. And if they care, and I am sure they do, they will read and learn about it and be able to understand you. I am a supporter of my son with BP. I am the one, not doctors, who has done the research and forwarded it on to him. I have bought him a few great books, and we have both learned so much from them. I talk about it openly to our family so they too will try to understnad. He is slowly but surely learning how to manage his BP, My son just landed a fantastic job that he is so very excited about. Anyone and everyone's prayers for him would be appreciated!

I understand how you feel as I have a partner who is the same way and refuses to accept he is bi-polar.  All the symtoms are there as he has the exteme highs then the lows then the normal times but he still refuses to accept the diagnosis. The whole family have supported him thorough all this and he  has times where he says we did all this to him and we self diagnosed and yet other times he apologises profusely for his behaviour. Its yo yo behaviour and soul destroying but no end in sight.

I read your note with great curiousity, as well as the other notes here.  I am bipolar and my partner 'says' he understands but I don't really think that the full understanding is there and just how debilitating bp can be.  I'm terrified to reveal how scared I am all the time, that the good times are going to crumble under my feet and the dirty carpet beneath that will fly away forever.... i almost hate being in a good mood because I see the wonder in his (and others') eyes that say "Oh god, here he goes again..." thinking that it's just a manic swing.  Can I not be happy & enjoy it when it happens?  Or will I have to forever be worried that being in a good mood will always equal "mania?!" for those around me.  The lows are just as bad - I do not think that they understand the strength or will it takes to get up on some days, to even want to try & think about anything.

I wonder if we will ever have a true connect on this between us, and I am glad to find this site so that I can at least read the words of others who understand and experience what I do. 

It's like trying to get up everyday and have to wonder/worry about which color lens the glasses are going to have on today..... Rose to Black and every shade in between, each of which have their own effect on the world I see.

Ugh. Thanks for writing, and for listening.

I can't speak for your partner but maybe you should give him more credit.  I only know it from the 'carer' side of things and yes absolutely I completely see the anguish and torment that the bipolar goes through, but so do we.  It sucks, I'm sorry, but that's really the best way to put it.  It's not easy as the 'healthy' one either - I came out of my relationship feeling completely emotionally retarded, because I tried so hard for so long to  'be there' and keep it together etc etc, and y'know what - I was scared too.  All the time.  Scared that the good moods wouldn't last, or scared that they'd last too long and then that would turn bad too.  Scared of saying even the tiniest wrong thing and having my partner HATE me (and yes, maybe it was just a point in time, but I truly believe there were days when he hated me).  If ever I were upset and having a cry, I never got a hug, or an "it will be ok, I love you", instead I got "can you go away - you're keeping me awake!" (ok so maybe my ex was a little narcissistic too!), even though I always, always tried my best to make him feel better when he wasn't ok.  Sometimes I could, other times I couldn't but I always tried. 

Anyway, I digress.  What I'm trying to say is that you're right, maybe your partner can't ever fully "understand", but you've gotta give kudos to him for sticking around regardless - god knows it isn't easy for him either.  And hey - by the same token, you don't understand what he's going through either.  In fact, and apologies if I assume too much here, but I suspect perhaps you haven't really fully considered things from his point of view.  I know my ex never did.

Best of luck to you guys, it's seriously not easy.  Try not to listen to the horror stories and just do what feels right for you. 

Thanks for those supportive comments Jackie. You've also mentioned something that is interesting and I think very under-reported. The issue of the person under therapy having also to be a therapist is challenging to say the least. Maybe I should explore this further in a Sharepost.