understanding

11/24/08 9:16pm

Breathe! You sound like you need to breathe a bit. The one thing I really learned from yoga, belly breaths. Breathe from your gut. Make it expand and contract. It helps me when I think I am going to panic or want to beat something into a zillion pieces.

When I was diagnosed I was alone. My mother told me that it was not possible for me to have bipolar and that lithium would only mess me up. My father told me to get my head scanned to find out if I was really sick. I had to disconnect from my family in order to find the help that I so desperately knew I needed.

I had no one to talk to besides professionals either. Reading gave me great comfort and it reassured me that I was doing the right thing.

Have you read "Madness: A Bipolar Life" by Marya Hornbacher? It is amazing. I cried. I met Ms. Hornbacher and cried as I shook her hand. "An Unquiet Mind" is also good but I prefer Madness. I have also read a lot on the actual disorder, not quite as exciting as memoirs but still comforting.

Reading has helped me so much. I hope it can comfort you or that you find something to comfort you soon.

abbygirl

11/24/08 9:44pm

Jackie,

I read that you mentioned you are taking Prozac and that was just a big red flag to me. I am not a dr. but I have had plenty of them tell me that people with bipolar should never take anti-depressants without a mood stabilizer. I took Prozac's cousin Paxil and I was higher than a kite and almost killed myself with extremely dangerous behavior. It ended with hallucinations one of them being that I was convinced my house was on fire when it wasn't. I saw flames as clear as day. I was completely pychotic and out of my mind. I spent 6,000 in 3 months. It took a few weeks on the medication for it to happen but it did, and I was blessed to have survived my own behavior. I hope that you will get the help and support you need in your situation especially since you don't have much family support. Please consider with a dr. about taking Prozac alone. I have heard nightmares from others as well. I don't mean to be intrusive it is only out of experience and concern.

HeyJude

11/25/08 6:33pm

Jackie...My husband supports me and my bipolar better than most. Your husband should wake up and give you the support you need and deserve. If he really loves you, it's the very least that he should do.

You need a support system beyond just doctors and therapists. A friend of two that really understands could help your situation. Also, if you can find a support group in your area it may be a blessing to you. Clergy can also be helpful. It's so important to gather friends and family around you that care and understand.

We cannot just "snap out" of this illness. You might try reading some books such as "Bipolar for Dummies". It's a good one that you can share with family members.

Judy

nancy

11/26/08 9:30am

If i were you i d try and go to a social worker marriage

counsellor, bipolar is real, and is serious, and you have the

the right to get help whenever you need it. He hasnt

accepted that for some reason, which is not normal and

seems like he s the one who also needs the help. good

luck and merry christmas!

Laur

11/26/08 10:50am

Jackie it is so sad that you can't get the support you really need. Yes I agree your husband needs to wake up before it is to late. But let me tell you a little about my situation here at home.

My husband & I have been married since 2005 in July and as the days went on this yr. I noticed something forming with my now 2nd husband and I could never pin point it really. Well as the days come and gone this summer my parents were he to help us get moved and my husband went off the deep end with my dad of all things and over something really stupid and he got very threatening. My Mom & Dad said there is something really wrong with him as they have never seen him like that EVER! So one day after they left I tried to sit down and talk to him and he is the type that does not Communicate at all with you (which is not good either) he will ignore you. Well anyhow as I talked to him I treid to find out what was going on and I managed to get him talked into going to the dr. and we did.

We were at the Dr. and he taked to BOTH of us and more so with my husband, but my husband won't answer except ask my wife she knows all of it. So he said well from what I see you have Bioplar with Wild Mood Swings so he put him on I believe it was Risperdal and then he wouldn't take them like he was suppose to. So One day he totally freaked out on me as my son was not home and he totally has a crash down and he got really REALLY NASTY and he hit rock bottom saying nothing was wrong with him as he packed up his bags and took his guns and he left the house and drove away - driving around town by this time my son was home from work and his step dad was out on the town MAD as beat hell. He came back and sat in the car all night long and he never came in at all and I never went out there to talk to him either NO WAY! So the next day came along he was still out there and he left for work and he had all thats tuff still in the car - My son and I went to the sheriffs dept and found out that it is fine to have the guns in the car as long as they aren't loaded. I couldn't believe what I was hearing and he was in the state of Freaking out! well anyhow as the day went on a good friend of mine called and asked why my husband was sitting down by the river near our place. I told her probably just sleeping in the car as he had a bad night with his BiPolar and he hit rock bottom. Then about an hour later I get a call from him telling me to meet him at the park and I told him if there was no people around that I would be there. BUt there was I looked at him and Jackie he was as WHITE as a Ghost - he had lost it I am mean totally lost it. I told him that I Love him so much but I wasn't going to go thru this kinda abuse again and that I don't derserve it. He looked at me and cried and creid and I told him firmly that if he didn't go back to the dr. and get on something that is going to help him instead of going off the deep end , that we were done! He looked at me and told me that he needed help and held my hand as the time went on I moved over to his side and he held me close and said he was sorry and he needed help in the worse way and he cried in my arms. I told him that I would support him all the way and that I would be there for him if he would get some help. Then we went home.

He went to the dr. they put him on Lorazopram and he is on it once a day at night along with his cholestrol pills, and blood pressure medication. So far he was doing ok but I noticed just this week he hasn't been taking anything and all because someone at work told him that they were habit forming and now he isn't taking anything, I have noticed something spiraling in his eyes this week and I am not to happy. I have menetioned it to him but he gets glassy eyed and starts getting mean with me.

Now about me:

I am sick as well I have Fibromyalgia, Myofasical Pain Disease, TMJ, Mulitple Chemical Sensitivity,Neuropathy, severe arthritis in my feet, Sinus Tarsi in my ankle, Deformed foot, Plantar fascitis in my feet, Chronic Fatigue Immune Dysfunction Syndrome, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Tremors which are caused by my Central Nervous System Disease, Chronic Anxiety, Depression, and more stuff like that. Then I just recently was told that I have a light case of BiPolar and why do I have it? Not heredity my Dr. told me. He told me because of all the STRESS, Depression, Chronic Anxiety, and all my illnesses has caused a light case of Bipolar for me. I am Bipolar 1 where I am happy for a while and then when I crash I cry & cry. My other illnesses don't help me any either. I will tell you I have supported my husband through many tough times throughout all of this and he has always been there for me as well even throught all his episodes of his wild mood swings with his Bipolar. I believe God put us together for a reason and we are to support each other through tough times. I was on medication(Tegretol - carbamazepine) this past wk but had to get off it because my Mulitple Chemical Sensitivity kicks in and then doesn't allow my body to handle it - which sucks. I can only pray that there is a medication that I can take to help me. Someday I will find something to help I just know it, but it is a matter of feeling like a geniune pig trying this and that to find the right one.

I am here to tell you that I don't know what I would do without all the support I get from my son, my family, my friends, and my husband. It is frustrating for all of them to see what I am going through and a lot of them still don't completely understand what I have or what my husband has. Some of them told me to leave him when he acted up like that and I told them I love him so much and I will be there for him all the way. I still am even though he can be a poop and not take his meds like he should, but he will find out that he does need them when he has another break down.

Jackie you need support and I agree find a support group somewhere offline if you can - you are not crazy by any means you just need to chat with others of your kind to get support. I am a Leader of the local Fibro/CFIDS/Chronic Pain support group in our area and Ia m their for a lot of people! So don't give up looking for help offline. I wished I lived near you as I would be a great friend indeed and very supportive too. As for your husband, some info off the net and print things off and start laying them around so he can see them and maybe just maybe when you aren't looking he will read them & the same goes for your family too. They need to get educated more.

HUGS 2 U my dear and keep your chin up & :) SMILE

spirit animal

11/29/08 5:24pm

Hi, I first wanted to say that you did the right thing by insisting your husband get help if he wanted to be with you. If your husband comes to terms with his diagnosis and stays on his meds ya'll stand a good chance of being together. My husband and I both are bipolar, I'm a bipolar 1 and he's a bipolar 2 and we balance each other out pretty good because we understand each other on a deep level. One thing that jumped off the screen at me was that you said you have a mild form of bipolar due to stress. You stated you have bipolar 1, somethings not right. I don't know if you misunderstood your doctor or if he gave you bad information but bipolar 1 is the worst form of bipolar. Most bipolar 1's spend time regularly in the hospital. It's difficult to get under control under the best of circumstances. Research both forms of bipolar and you'll see what I mean. Just based on your comment it sounds more like your husband is a bipolar 1 and you're a 2. Your other diagnosis' over a long term can mimic bipolar symptoms because of the loss of sleep over a long period of time. I also have other problems besides my bipolar like fibromyalgia, osteo arthuritis, I'm med resistant, etc. The loss of sleep can play havoc on the mind, causing psychotic behavor and such. I would talk to your doctor, if you're not sleeping make sure he knows that, its very important. If you're still concerned get a second oppinion. My prayers are with you and your husband.

Laur

11/29/08 6:14pm

I wish I could change that - I got it mixed up

hubby is Bipolar 1 and I am 2 (dang fibro fogs - LOL) Thank You Animal Lover for your comments & letting me know that I got mixed up :)

HUGS

spirit animal

11/29/08 6:25pm

No problem :) I used to get them confused the first few years too. I know all about those fibro fogs! LOL. Hugs back at ya!

spirit animal

11/29/08 6:26pm

No problem :) I used to get them confused the first few years too. I know all about those fibro fogs! LOL. Hugs back at ya!

Sheryl Jones

11/26/08 10:25pm

What happened? In January, your husband went with you to couseling and heard what was said. Now, he is back to not approving and disbelieving everything he hears?

Sometimes, people only hear or see what they want to. The general consensus of mental illness is everyone is crazy. It is so much more and less than that. Your brain is not wired correctly and therefore you have some problems.

I find that with myself, I just talk about it (my problems) more openly. I tell people who don't even want to hear me. Get pamphlets explaining your condition, leave them all over the house; eventually your husband will read them. Explain to him that without the medication, you could be alot worse. And sometimes, it just takes finding the right medications for you. You could also check about putting yourself in hospital for some intense treatment and just focus on yourself.

floridagirl

11/27/08 1:43pm

I'm sorry you are in the state you are in. I too was dealing with the confusion of the illness and the mania associated with it and a husband of 24 years who didn't want to understand much less accept my illness.

The only way life was going to improve for ME was to leave him, which I did. Now 3 years into my divorce I've gone off my meds a few times and had a severe manic episode in 2007 that landed me in jail, but as a warning I am here to say, even with the crap of 2007 I am better off than living with someone who refuses to jump on board with the treatments and meds needed for me to live a better life. I am regaining my self respect after the debacle of 2007, thanks to my sister and b in law - but it has not been easy.

I didn't set up a support system after my divorce - so I recommend you have these things in place if you choose to divorce

I didn't STAY on my meds after my divorce - instead I chose to go off the meds, to become manic to have fun... Very stupid of me, typical though, but very very stupid.

Listen to the these replys, they are real life stories. I watched myself lose every single material item I owned and almost lost my relationship with my two precious children.

So keep taking your meds, no matter what !!

Get a support system in place.

Good luck and God Bless.

Jeanne

11/27/08 4:44pm

Your husband:

- doesn't believe bipolar is real

- gets angry when you get upset and gives you the silent treatment

- controls your money.

I'm really concerned about you. We need people close to us to at least believe bipolar is a real illness. That's the minimum you deserve from your husband.

Your husband sounds controlling and abusive. You're married, the money belongs to both of you. One person doesn't have the right to control it. In addition, you're entitled to your feelings. Everyone gets upset. Using the silent treatment is manipulative and mean.

I hope you are able to get the support you need. I also hope you're watching how he treats you. You deserve to be treated with respect.

catwrites

11/28/08 4:29am

My husband wouldn't take me seriously & told me just to "trust God" and never allowed me to cry when I am always going up & down...then I wound up in the hospitial & he saw me on my drugs, had a talk w/ the doc, and I get my meds now. I still can't cry w/o making him angry though...his dad committed suicide when he was 9 & I think his mom wouldn't let him show emotions. But on my meds I don't cycle so badly.

Lenora Ziobro

11/29/08 3:04pm

Dear Jackie,

A husband is suppose to be loving, caring and supportive.It doesn't sound as if he is any of these to you.Here is something to think on;Mental health is important and like any other disease needs to be treated.If you had something like cancer or diabetes would he be as uncaring as to let you die.He sounds like he is self-centered and does he really love you if he doesn't want you to get well.You say he controls all the money,He is also controlling and munipulative.Ask yourself if this is how you want to live the rest of your life?I will pray for you and I suggest you pray for an answer to these questions.

Jesus loves you even if this guy doesn't and there are a lot of people who care about you too!

May the good Lord watch over you and Bless you with peace,happiness,joy and love!

Also,when did you marry my ex-husband and yes,I know what you are going thru as I also have Bi-Polar among a lot of other things!

Lenora Ziobro!

www.wats-ministry.info

spirit animal

11/29/08 6:19pm

He sounds like my ex-husband. I was not diagnosed as bipolar while with my first husband of 9 years. I did however have major episodes, severe depression, 5 suicide attempts and a complete mental breakdown while I was married to him. The final straw that sent me over the edge was the death of my newborn baby, she was the second baby to die on me, my first was still born. After my breakdown I was hospitalized, my ex told me I was an embarrassment because I was in the mental hospital, he doesn't believe in mental health either, I was expected to just get over it and fast. I checked myself out against doctors orders and went home, less than a week later I was back in the hospital. I couldn't understand what was wrong with me, I thought it was all my fault, I was weak and should just get over it. This time I stayed for two weeks against my husbands wishes and as a punishment he refused to bring my 1 year old daughter to visit me as long as I was in such a place. Medicines were not acceptable to my ex, he got angry at me and called me a drug addict because I used nose spray when my sinuses would act up. He also controlled the money. He thought he had to control everything. I stayed because I loved him and for the sake of my children, when I was with him I had a hundred reasons why I stayed and every one seemed rational to me. Once I got the courage to leave for good and I stuck by my decision, I couldn't think of one good reason why I stayed!!

Your husband needs a reality check big time, his views on mental health are from the dark ages and he needs to rethink his views. If your husband truely loves you he will educate himself and be the support that you desparately need. No matter what happens your number one priority has to be yourself. If you don't take care of yourself and take your meds you are going to spin out of control and thats a dark place to go. It's hell pure and simple. I don't know if you have children but that is another reason why you have to stick to your treatment and meds.

Like one of the other people commented on here, I'm concerned about you being on prozac without a mood stablizer. Researchers and study groups have confirmed over and over again that anti-depressants alone will increase a bipolars risk of rapid cycling and manic episodes. I'm no doctor but I have extensive experience with medicines that treat bipolar disorder. Over the course of 8-9 yrs I was on almost every drug available for the treatment of depression, mania, mixed mania and rapid cycling as well as some anti-psychotics for my really bad moments. I know that sounds like a long time but for me I have shown signs of bipolar disorder since I was 12 yrs old, my first suicide attempt(I've had 6 trys all together). I was 28 before I was properly diagnosed, so thats 16 yrs undiagnosed or misdiagnosed and then 8-9 yrs before we found the right combination for me. The point is that I did find that combination and I am doing far better than 90% of bipolar 1's according to my doctor and support staff. Hang in there girl! If your husband doesn't understand its his problem not yours. I know the thought of possibly having to leave your husband is probably devastating and it's hard to accept that it may have to go that far. If he loves you he will want whats best for you, I'm sure you want whats best for him and you deserve nothing less from him. Now I'm going to give you a reality check. Go look at yourself in the mirror, look yourself straight in the eyes and ask yourself this, "Is this relationship good for me?" If you can't honestly tell yourself "yes" then something has to give. Remember that you matter and you deserve to be happy. Taking care of yourself is not selfish because if you don't take care of you then you will be in no condition to take care of anybody else. God bless, my thoughts and prayers are with you.

Tina

11/29/08 9:45pm

I know exactly how you are feeling. My husband acts the same way towards me as yours does, and I get even more angry at him for ignoring me. This is my second marrige and I hate to consider yet another divorce, but I have. I just found out that I have a bipolar disorder three weeks ago. All these years I have wondered what is wrong with me, and now I know that it is something that can't be helped. By takeing my medication it can be controled and I can live a better life. Your husband should be glad that you want help even if takeing pills is what helps. If he truely loves you he should stick by you no matter what it takes to help make yourself feel better.

RC

12/ 8/08 2:36am

I can't rember if I commented on this or not.

If he isn't willing to take your bi-Polar seriously then you maybe need to think of a separation or divorce. Not being able to be on the right meds regularly and not being able to see a doctor and living with this man is going to trigger so many episodes. and could cost you your life,

my husband doesn't understand this either but I get to take my meds and see a psych weekly he knows that this is the only way I can usually keep it under control, but I still have episodes. most males don't get it - think it's just our mood being out of control and that we can stop the episodes on our own. If we are not bleeding or haver broken bones - something visible they just d0n't get it.

So what is right for you.

blessings,

RC

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