So, what is one supposed to do when confronted with an employer that tells you that you are the bomb, tells you that you are absolutely the right person for the job they hired you for, tells you that you are far more intelligent than they gathered when they hired you and it has actually startled them, tells you that your work is outstanding and the ability to do it is exceptional and yet, you need to be a different person entirely... what is one supposed to do?
I am slow to warm up with people. I am not outgoing, sociable, extroverted, bubbly person. I'm not.
When someone speaks, I respond but if I do not engage in an acceptable length of conversation... then I'm not communicating, apparently. If I approach someone and say Good Morning BUT I do not ask them how their date went last night... then I'm not communicating interpersonally, apparently. Smiling and saying Good Morning is not enough, you see.
I am one of the first ones in the office each day. The others do not generally get in until nearly an hour after me. So, I go into my space and start my work and I do my job for the day. I do not, acknowledging, get up and go socialize with everyone for 30 minutes at a time throughout the day. Therefore, I am not approachable nor am I welcoming.
I am concientous (?spelling), quality conscious, team player in that I see something needing doing and I do it... but, I don't outwardly interact and innermix.
I cause no problems, drama wise. I meet all my deadlines and complete my projects even when I'm wanting to step out in front of the Amtrak train that runs behind the building each day. I get to work every day even when I do not shower because I just can't... yet, I got up and got dressed and swiped the deodorant and splashed the face and teeth... and drove 1 hour to work with my driving PTSD anxieties raging.
Yet... I am not the person they want and though I'm the right person for the job and they are so glad they hired me... they want me to be different, to be fixed, to be "improved" upon.
I am to be a different person entirely and though they've noted I am truly slow to warm up, yet once I do I am very easy to talk with and associate with, they are directing me to speed up the warming process exponentially... because I am to be a completely different person than I am.
Otherwise... I'm only 3/4 a professional package and "that simply is not good enough."
This is a really tough one. You're doing the best you can right now. It sounds like your job, whatever it is, or your workplace culture, or both, expects a different kind of interpersonal engagement than your current level of functioning allows or your current interpersonal skill set allows or both.
I've had to step back from certain kinds of work for this reason. Not so much bipolar, but introversion. Too much people-time wears me out. And also not a strong enough skill set. There are some kinds of things with people I do well (establish high-trust, very open conversation in groups dealing with difficult subjects) and others I do very badly (delegate tasks clearly and hold the other party appropriately responsible). I've worked long enough and been unsuccessful at the latter long enough to decide it's just not something I'm going to "get". And that has to be okay with me, even though it means I can't manage other people.
There are a wide range of professional and interpersonal coaches available now -- not at all same as therapist -- someone who simply helps you learn how to do better something you want to learn to do better. And thanks to the web, you don't need to find one in your hometown, if there's not one locally you click with. So that's one thing you may want to consider.
Still, in the end, tell yourself the story of the strengths you bring to every workplace, and find a way to make your valued contribution through who you are. You are a capable and valuable person. If you (like me) are most comfortable hiding in an office where you only have to communicate by email ... thank God you figured this out before you were (like me) 30 years into a career where even telephone is considered "low-touch" communication !!