I struggle with Bipolar. I am not Bipolar.
Stong words.
I have frequented this website for over a year and a half. I've gone by different "handles" this mainly due to computer issues and what the heck - my mood.
In that year and a half I have seen repetitive and consistent generalizations of those struggling with Bipolar by non-Bipolar folks. From time to time I have aggressively defended those with Bipolar and have tried to advocate for those of us, in the small percentile, who actually do have a conscious (commonly sterotyped as to not having one period).
I have also seen repetitvely Bipolar strugglers dictating what is responsible behavior in regards to meds and what isn't. I've even advised several newbies to taking meds or seeing someone for meds. I've done this because over the last 20 years I've taken every drug that has come out for my symptoms. It is possible, yes possible, that one will work however, in over 20 years I've personnally not found one much less 4 together that has. I still have the ups and I still survive the downs.
I am a survivor of Bipolar. Strong words.
I do not take pharmaceutical medications at this time. Have gone years in-between not taking any. I have suffered mercilessly because of it. I have also been medicated for years and have suffered mercilessly because of them. I do not take pharmaceutical meds outside an occasional tranquilizer for sleep and anxiety because the others just do not take me. I also do not self-medicate with alcohol or street drugs though at times I'd love to do so. I don't. This is how I was raised (behavioral thing, point).
I am neither irresponsible nor delusional. I have done CBT, some DBT, hypnosis, imagery, one on one therapy, group therapy since I was a wee little one. I still, occasionally, do one on one.
I spend money and yet at the same time understand the consequences of doing so. I also save my money and manage to maintain a roof over my and my family's head. Occasionally, when hypo/manic I tend to overspend. When I settle down, I confront my action, and I do without until I have rectified that issue. That being said, I have had rounds after rounds of financial matches.
I do get overly interested in sexual activities but always did so with my husband (another behavioral thing brought by my raising). I'd never go off and have sex with something else that happened to twitch my fansy. My husband on the other hand.... I digress.
So, why do I post this?
To show that I struggle with Bipolar. I am a Bipolar survivor. I am not "recovered" nor am I entirely stable as I'd like to be one day. Yet, I have a conscious, I am accountable to my actions, I try to make ammends, and I leave the rest to God.
I also do this to show that I, and so many others, are not the sterotypical Bipolars that the non-Bipolars on this board and others would like for all to know. I despise the generalizations and the use of "all BPers" because not all of us are aliken to the few that are posted about.
This is a really good post tabby and thanks for taking the time to write it. I too hate being labeled as bipolar or bp. I am also not too keen on having it be an excuse or crutch for inappropriate behavior or explain why or why not I am doing something.
I also have issues with people that discount what I have to say or do because their feelings are I am mentally ill thus it doesn’t count. I have not been in the system as long as you because it was only later in life that it became a problem and was captured.
I went through 4 psychiatrists and a ton of medications changes to help not cure my illness. Only after finding a psychiatrist that actually listened to what I had to say of what was taking place and treating me and not the illness did a change come about.
His theory is less is more and doctors should spend more time treating the symptoms that are present that are creating havoc instead of treating the label. His bedside manners suck, but he knows medications and how to use them. In saying that ….in the beginning of stabilization it was actually the hardest time in my life.
I now was left to deal with the crap and turmoil I had created over the years. As I have posted elsewhere here on the board…there is no magic pill that’s going to make everything better. It will stabilize you enough to straighten out your life and get onto the right path if you’re willing to put forth the effort.
Tabby…you are so correct when you say that the generalizations of bipolarism somehow relates to all is crap and you despise it. I also hate generalizations because one size does not fit all with this illness.
I also have issues of people bringing medication issues or suggestions here for comment. I can’t stress it enough that this is something you need to discuss with your doctor and not here. One medication and dosage may work great for one and have the total opposite effect on another.
This constant search for the new wonder drug ticks me off also in that again…there is no magic pill. Living with this illness is like a good marriage in that it takes a lot of effort on our part to keep it going in the right direction…good marriages don’t just happen
I have this saying tabby in that god takes care of fools and idiots and with me falling into both categories I am double covered. I too have a strong faith in god and not afraid of saying it instead of living in constant fear of those politically correct people that tell you to keep it to yourself for fear of offending another person.
I don’t know about you, but is sure helps me a lot knowing there is someone a lot strong than I that at days end, those things I am still having issues with can simply be passed on to him to take care or give me guidance the next day to work on. I think my strong faith has kept me in this thing we call life. Again…good post.