I've been away a bit.
Let's see... my stepfather passed on April 29th which has brought back so many emotional, conflictual, unresolved, past memories & images and so my anxiety attacks, as well as panic, have increased.
My job is still barely turning and because of the illness, my injuries from my car wreck a year ago, my anxiety, and the death of stepparent... my job is not turning well. I've missed quite a bit of time, have been put on reduced work shift by pdoc, and well... not good.
Oh, and I'm facing upcoming abdominal surgery which will take me out of work for about 3-4 weeks. I also, just yesterday, got a diagnosis of seizures cause I've had 3 episodes since April 1st that I've never in my life had before. They, the docs, are thinking that my serious closed head injury last year is causing these to develop and intensify. Seems I've been having these absonce seizures off and on since last October and now they are progressively worsening. Oh, and stress & anxiety can exacerbate them - do you say now?
Financially, well... I'll not go there. Husband and his girlfriend... I'll not go there either.
The illness... mixed episodes, have been put on Celexa now along with Lithium cause I've been bottoming out again. I did get my diazepam finally. They're mine, no one gets those, no one. I've been having somewhat paranoid moments as well, can you tell? Also, focus & concentration is totally shot and cognitive abilities are well... handicapped. Sleep, what sleep? Very disturbed and disrupted sleep. Also not good for seizures I found out.
However... I have 4 brand new kittens that are adorable and want to be such big cats so bad. My daughter is doing well with her softball. I am trying to get out at least to a local church on Wednesday nights for their suppers ($4.00 and food is good) and at least get out with folks outside of just working.
I am trying, I just slip and slide a lot.
