I've been unemployed since this past New Year's Eve.  I was laid off from a administrative position at yet another local MH agency in a city some traveling distance from me.  I was not entirely upset, at the time, regarding the layoff.  In fact, I was quite relieved.

See, I was driving 85 miles per day.  On top of that, the agency was topsy turvy with cuts in benefits, cuts in reimbursement, cuts in services provided, cuts in employees every week.  We had 3 major Director changes in 3 months and even went a month without any leadership at the site I worked.  This particular MH agency needed desparately some MH services of it's own.

So, when I was laid off I was actually glad.  Plus, since 2006 the only time I had been out of work or off from work longer than a week was to recoup or recover from either a Psych IP or a horrendous car accident.  This would be the 1st time I'd have a bit of time away from work that did not involve illness or injury.  I would also get to spend some much desired quality time with my teenager.

What I did not figure, though knew in the back of my head, was the depression OOPS recession hitting.  In the past, it would merely be about 2.5 months at longest I'd go without a job.  I just figured that I would have about a month, maybe 2, and I'd be good to go again.  Man, was I wrong.

Up till this week, I've been out of work.  I've diligently tried to find work but there simply hasn't been anything in my area.  I've had several interviews but nothing panned out.  I was in competition with 50-100 other folks each time.  It is a "employer's" market out there.

While out of work, I divorced my 20 year long married spouse.  It needed to be done. 

In that it was finally done, my life has had about 70% of it's stress over the last 20 years gone, seriously.  The weight and burden, the stress and angst, just lifted when the Judge signed the decree and he left out with his last mistress.

I've been able to spend time with my child.  I've gotten to know her fairly well now.  We've talked at length.  We've fussed and argued, cried and laughed but, have spent more time together this past year than we have since she was wee little.  It was quality time as well as quantity time.

Still... I have bills to pay and a mouth to feed besides my own.  So, I found a job finally.  It's not one I really would have expected to take but it is a job.  It is full time and it's in a call center, which I've not done before...and well, it will be different.

I am filled with great anxiety and apprehension.  My last few jobs were horrific mental wise.  They greatly triggered episodes, the stressors accompanying them.  I am wary of whether this will happen again now that I've started another and I'm so hoping it will be a good job that won't affect the swaying so much.