I am loosing my mind.

I am terrified at this point. I have ALWAYS had the highs and lows, since childhood. But now the world is walling in on me, I know I NEED help. But am to terrified to go in ANYWHERE.  I was a very abused child, my mother used Dentisty (see would work on my teeth, when I was bad) as torture. I have been in and out of hospitals and doctors offices all of my life. For other things child birth, gull bladder, ER, ect. Every experence making me more and more fearful.  But in the past 2-3 years I freak out and violently react any where close.

My Bipolar has me at such a low, I do not get out out bed. I am currently sick and the vomting/cramping  fits are making me worst. My family thinks I am making this all up. No one understands. If it wasn't for my Children (which I have hired a nanny), my music and my animals. I would end this pain. Every single day I maybe sleep 3-4 hours on a good night, I have extreme pain back (2 slipped discs), stress makes me violently ill, I am always moody and I can't make it stop.

There are days I have written notes to my family. Then rip them up.

I am LOST.