I haven't been able to get up early to do my yoga, and can't do it while my little ones are awake, they think Mommy turns into a jungle gym when I do and want to help, gotta love them. Between them and hubby I know I'll get through this,but sometimes it just doesn't feel like it. I want to get over this, my kids need my, my hubby needs me, and the house needs me to get off my rear and clean it. Hubby is trying to help, but he is horrible at house work.
I just can't see the end to this, though I know there will be one. I just want to sleep it away, but I can't, my kiddos need me. I know I'm doing a little better, but it just doesn't feel like it. I still feel empty inside and like my limbs are filled with lead. DH had to come home from work early yesterday I felt so bad. I feel likeI should be doing better, but I'm not. I still feel so frail, like the slightest thing will make me break.
I did pretty good at my first day of MDO, and hope to do as well on Thurs. I need to come up with some more activities to keep them busy so they don't get so wild. My girls love it, and at least my paycheck will pay for half of the cost. The rest I'm hoping to put aside for dance lessons for my older one. The little one, maybe some gymnastics. I don't want my depression to get in the way of my kiddos doing the things that they enjoy.
Still feeling bleak and blah, so tired.Hopefully the meds will kick in and I'llhave some energy soon.
Karri,
I know that's a cliche' that we don't necessarily like to hear...
As my mom reminded me yesterday...time and patience...she's such a great encouragement for me. All we have is this moment...today. Yesterday is gone and tomorrow hasn't come. Focus on the moment by moment, day by day and rejoice! Praise!
You are home. You are doing well for today. It takes awhile for the meds to kick in. You are still fragile. Don't expect to do more than you are able. Lower your expectations. A little dust never hurt anyone. Who says we have to have a perfect house. Yes, it's nice to have things in order but if you and your husband can't get it all done...so be it. It's OK!
Praise God that you can be a jungle gym...it's ok that the girls want to be there with you. Right now you need to get sleep and if it means that you sleep thru your preset yoga time, so be it...
You have those little ones that you can exercize with...you probably get more movement than you realize every day. Break it up into 5 minute increments so that the girls can join in...do jumping jacks or dance around etc.
Where do you work part time? It sounds like a daycare situation. I know it seems important to be able to provide extras for your girls but is it beneficial to your healing? Write down pros and cons...
Remember you are worth being whole...it's a journey...it takes time. Don't go on anyone else's timetable...your body tells you...get used to listening to it. We tend to deny our physical over and over and over just as we deny our feelings because we 'can't' feel that way...says who? God gave us all our feelings. He is the one that will build you up and make you whole.
I continue to pray for you Karri. I'm doing better today. One of the best pieces of my self care regimin is the energy massage person that I go to. She has a true gift of healing. God works through her. I am so peaceful and calm and whole and grounded for awhile after I see her. It helps as I gain the skills to do it myself again. I learned that I got good at leaving my body...not healthy at all! I'd be present with someone but not there. I'd left the building...HA! Now I am better able to know when it's happening and stay. But I have to get stronger and stronger to be able to use the gift of encouragement that I've been given. It's easy for me to write things to people on here or facebook or emails. But to be present to people in person is more difficult. I have an exceedingly difficult time being with a group of people. I'm not yet strong enough to differentiate and sort thru all of their energy. I get zapped really quickly. So I've learned that it's ok for now to be set apart...separate...
I thank God for this time. I am learning not to condemn myself.
Just as a baby learning to walk falls down alot and we praise and encourage them and not condemn...we need to do that for ourselves...kindness and patience.
Blessings,
Shelly