I have a strange family, I'm sure I'm not alone there, but I feel that way sometimes. I am estranged from my brother and sister, I tried to shrug off their hurtful snipes at me as part of the grief process, my oldest sister had just died due to cancer (before that, they had cut all ties with her... seeing a pattern..) The emails turned ugly, as they tried to dredge up everything I may or may have not done in the past 10 years. 10 years of them getting closer, 10 years of my oldest sister and I getting closer. I was already deep in grief when the emails started, then the kicker came, an eight page numerically listed page of things I'd done, things I was to do and not do. Full of contradictions, such as how tired they are of me being the helpless little baby, and then telling me I d@mned well better do as they say. My husband intervened, told them to stop emailing me, all contact would go through him until I was doing better. I guess upon seeing fresh blood, they attacked him, viciously. My husband, having already been tired of what they were doing to me and not about to stand for it, pinged right back at them with a last warning to leave me alone. That started more drama, and supposedly my husband attacking them for no reason.

My family loves drama, it's taken me over a decade to realize that there didn't have to be constant drama going on, that it was normal to not have drama. I didn't get along with my husbands family at first, which was one sided, they adored me. But it was because I was still living by the rules of my family. Smile pretty and watch your back. I can't explain the rules to anyone, my oldest sister knew what I was talking about. Being with my family is exhausting. It's like doing an intricate gymnastic dance constantly. I get along with my husbands family now, I know that 'the rules' are BS. Even talking to my Mom, she apologized for how she had been, but we both know my father, and both understand why.

My father is a conflict all in himself. I love him. I hate him. I despise talking to him. I can't go more than a few days without talking to him. He's manipulative. If he does a favor, it's because he expects something in return. Nowaday he feels it gives him the right to poke into my life - all of it. I was raised to obey/fear adult males, elders. I still struggle with that. You can imagine how much fun that was in the military *sigh* He lives in his own world, and there is no way to tell if what he is saying is truth or his own version of it. When I was a teenager, acting out and sneaking out because such anger burned inside of me (I had been sexually and physically abused from ages 9 to about 12 memories are fuzzy on times, my parents didn't know, but my faith in my parents at that age was amazing and I thought they knew) I won't go into details but during a painful confrontation with my parents I exploded the truth at him. That I had been abused, that some of it had happened in his house, and I was furious with him. I don't know what I expected. Before the last words left my lips, my father exploded as well, on me. I was strangled and beaten. As the world blacked out, I hoped to die. My friend, who knew what had happened, saw the bruises the next day and called her mom, who called social services, and I was taken away. My oldest sister stepped in and I lived with her for months. Small town, small politics, my fathers political clout, I was returned, but was never the same. According to my father and other sibblings I had decided I didn't want to live at home any more, and he truly remembers it that way.