So I'm trying to go to sleep last night, and my mind starts racing, as usual. But normally I can concentrate on one thing, usually a good dream or story I'm reading, and rest of the thoughts slowly calm and dissapate. But not last night. I've been in a depression and getting worse, crying spells, the works, but now I can feel myself slowly coming out of it. And all of the things I've been needing to do but didn't get done kept racing through my mind. How am I going to get all of this done!?
I was getting so worked up my stomach hurt and I was nauseated. I had taken an Ambien, so I should have fallen to sleep.... but my doc had put me on the lowest dose of Ambien, at my request. I need to be able to get up in the night with my youngest, she is teething so gets up at least once a night.
Who knew I could have an anxiety attack while trying to go to sleep? I didn't get up and get my meds for it. I don't know why, they were just 10 steps away.
I feel trapped. When I don't get things done and they build up, it becomes to overwhelming and I panic. But when I go into a depression, I don't get things done.
Karri28,
You can only do one thing at a time. If it concerns the goal of tasks that have piled up due to time lost dealing with depression, you may have to prioritze the tasks and break each down as a single goal to complete. Maybe, if you make a prioritized list with a with a reasonable time to complete each task, then focus on one task, not all of them. Completing a task will result in accomplishment and maybe with that in mind you can put your mind at rest when you should be sleeping. Knowing you will perform much better with sleep and be able to make more progress tomorrow, may also be a good reason to let go of "all" that must be done. There is alway plenty of time to worry in the morning. Hopefully. by that time you will be working on the goal of completing a task.
It is always best to do something about internal dialogue as soon as you notice it before the emotions increase and keep driving the and escalating the thoughts. At times I wake up to the point that I begin to think and sometimes a thought intrudes and brings me fully awake. I found that if I lay there, in bed it will just continue. So, I get up, grab a book or try to meditate. In an hour I am usually ready to return to bed and fall back asleep.
Thought I might add this.
Thieving Thought
It's 3 a.m. before the thoughts roll in
and the wheels begin turnin' again.
The worry and the doubt,
the things to scream about
fall down and tumble in
or it's the light and airy,
drifring and floating
on silenced wings
of the morning fairy.
And beside it all, contrary,
awakening's beckoned call
affords no choice at all,
but to concede, for indeed
thought has grabbed you,
robbed your precious few.