Living with a bipolar husband

Sorry to hear about your situation.  i hope your husband gets the needed help and finds the right combination of meds.   His self medicating on pot will only increase the problem.  I hope that your able to join support groups locally near you to cope with this.   Your instinct on the ultimatim was pretty good.   My situation is I have a 28 year old son who lives with me just diagnosed bipolar 1 and i worry greatly for his future.   ITs all new to us here but i pray that something good comes out of these hard times for your family.    And your marriage becomes stronger and rebounds.

Time to set some ground rules

You have been with this man for 9 years so there must be something bonding you two together. I had been married for 6 years when my wife went totally psychotic, thought everyone was out to get her...anger outburst, screaming and constant threats.

Well to make a long story short she ended up having to go into a acute care unit to get the help she needed. I went to see her twice a day every day for almost two months not knowing what I was going to come up against each and every visit. There were times that she didn't even recognize who I was...but I still kept going.

I would call her every evening at bed time to wish her a good night and reinforce that I would be over to see her the next day and that everything would be fine and that I loved her and was there for her.

The medications finally started to work after two months of hell. What I am trying to say is that I would go through it again of I had to ( and it is very possible that it can happen with the illness)because I love her.

If he is unwilling to get the help he needs, maybe you can force the hand. Point blank say...If you are unwilling to do what it takes to get yourself well again, why should I keep up this battle on my end? It can't be easy for you having to deal with this alone...why not allow me to help you get the help you need.

Then go with him to his appointments and allow him to go in alone to these visits. Don't ask what went on in these sessions, just look at the results. If its still a nay on his end...it might be time to move on

My husband (also of nine years) is also on this road.  I have equipped myself with as much knowledge as possible regarding bi-polar after doing an assessment on my husband.  This has enabled me to monitor him and identify his 'triggers'.  We briefly discuss the possibility every now and then but he is yet to go to a professional to confirm the diagnosis or possible treatment.  Though episodes have lessened in frequency they still happen but my reactions to these have changed so what were once fairly aggressive apisodes are now more manageable (from my side anyway) which normally means he quietens down easier and quicker.  And he's starting to apologise for the things he sometimes says/does which didn't happen in the past which means he is coming to realise things within himself and though perhaps in denial about the chemical imbalance he's becoming more aware of things that I have explained are his triggers like certain music; drinking and drugs; financial stressors amongst other things. 

I have come to learn that this is something that will require patience; calm and understanding until he has learnt to understand it better and we find suitable workaround strategies to make this situation more manageable.  Love is the only reason we do stay by our partners through "thick and thin" and we continue doing this.

Every day of calm or semi-normality is worth the upside-down days as they 'come back' to us and we know that this is what part of our purpose is.  Its too easy to run away and shows alot more character and strength to stand by their side as we promised to do. 

Continuous education is our greatest helper; along with the support of friends and family (the ones that are still left after he's chased so many away!!!).  And no- we don't have to and can leave any time we want; we just choose to stay. 

Always keep yourself protected and safe. 

I highly recommend you both reading "The Monk who sold his Ferrari" by Robin Sharma - it has a fountain of practical solutions to dealing with the stuff that life throws our way.  We can completely bring these situations down to manageable - even if its only our reactions to these.