Overwhelming Anger

Joicie Community Member October 15, 2008
  • I have a problem with losing control of my temper.  My anger is fierce. I throw things, break things and make holes in walls and doors. I've even knifed a door a few times. Is anybody saying oh my God? Is this woman crazy! Intense irritability is one symptom many of us struggle with. MY Losing control has effected the people around me. But sometimes I don't know what to do when I'm hurt or rejected or just hypomanic and very irritable. I over react. I get this thing inside of me that "has" to do something. It's impulsive and dangerous. I  callmy dr. and ask for a change in my meds to calm me down.  Just recently I've decided to get a referral from my dr. for an anger management class. Also I want to start a group for people who are anywhere in their recovery from this illness so we can help each other.- Problem solving, that's what I'm doing. I encourage each one of us to do that-problem solve yoiur symptoms and put together an action plan that will help you.  And by the way if any one is interested I am interested in starting a group for us in MA. on the North Shore, just above Boston. Send me a note.   joicie

40 Comments
  • anonymous1
    Oct. 28, 2008

    Hi Joicie,

    My name's Paula. And I DO have the exact same problem you have: losing control of my temper. Well, this past Sunday evening while I was out of town in Augusta, GA, I was trying to clean the frog tank in the house by pouring the dirty water out of the tank and into a large beige pail. When my mother saw that I accidentally got water on the floor in...

    RHMLucky777

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    Hi Joicie,

    My name's Paula. And I DO have the exact same problem you have: losing control of my temper. Well, this past Sunday evening while I was out of town in Augusta, GA, I was trying to clean the frog tank in the house by pouring the dirty water out of the tank and into a large beige pail. When my mother saw that I accidentally got water on the floor in her newly 2004 made sunroom (now a closed porch) while she was preparing to go to work, she YELLED at me big time stating that I hope I'd clean the mess up! I yelled at her back. And we got into a huge, heated argument. I called her a B----, which is NEVER right. My husband and kids went someplace else when this incident happened. My mom stated that I have to dump the water using a cup, pour it into a bucket and THEN take the tank outside to be cleaned and dump the dirty water from the bucket outside, also. I guess I had no common sense. Then my father who has Alzheimer's sided with her by getting increasingly upset with me. And believe me, I started to pick up one of those little eating tables and throw it at him. Then she told me not to come back home. Well, I told her I was sorry for calling her the B word. At first, she accepted my apology, but she also does not want me to ever again call her a B. But before then, I also threatened suicide if she did not let me come back home. After a while when my husband and kids came back, she called from work stating that I could come back home in a soft voice. I learned now that as a Christian, we have to put away childish things like threatening suicide to get what we want, breaking things, and making holes in the walls and doors. What if your kids ever experienced that and do the same thing you're doing?? They will pick up your anger. And I am 34 years old married mother of 2, and I need to set an example for my kids. Next time try this, if a person says something you don't like, my best friend from New York who also has bipolar says to be bigger than that (like Jesus says in Matthew, "If someone slaps you on one side, turn him the other"). In other words, turn the other cheek. Before you lose your temper, try taking some deep breaths, read Proverbs 15:1 and Proverbs 20:3 (meditate on those scriptures), and start setting an example for yourself and your family. Your temper will be passed on to your children. I kid you not. You've got control of your emotions, control them. And when things go wrong, pray! I got kicked in the pants by someone who answered my complaints about my mother stating that if I am a Christian and a devout Seventh-Day adventist, then I need to act like one and that I am not a twelve year old. So Joicie, I am sorry I hate to say this but you're going to have to act a little more mature by asking God to help you control your anger because what goes around, comes around. Throwing and breaking things won't solve a doggone things. That is like trying to get what you want. Don't you know that if you continue to not get rid of anger that you will not inherit the kingdom of heaven (Galatians 5:19-26). You do not want God to say in the Bible to depart from me you workers of iniquity because He never knew you. Take it from me, I know better than to call my mother a B!! We're supposed to honor thy father and mother according to Exodus 20th chapter. I am thinking about going to a church in the Atlanta area (invited by a female Apostle) tonight at 7 p.m. and get healed from all this. But only God through her can heal me!!

    Look at the website: www.truehope.com Maybe that will help you. I am thinking about going that route! Well, think about what I said. And I hope what I said out of Christian love will help you!

    Yours in Christ,

    Paula

  • katy
    Oct. 21, 2008

    I sometime have that happen to me at the end of a manic episode. I  cycle rapidly.It is not veer pretty.

    • Joicie
      Oct. 21, 2008

      I cycle rapidly also In the last 2 months its been worse, somtimes mixed up in a single day.It's important to keep in touch with my dr and to adjust my meds when i need too. Though sometimes I do understand that severe stress can break through the regimen that's been set up anyhow. Today the word HOPE came to me. Do not be afraid. Hope and pray for better days....

      RHMLucky777

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      I cycle rapidly also In the last 2 months its been worse, somtimes mixed up in a single day.It's important to keep in touch with my dr and to adjust my meds when i need too. Though sometimes I do understand that severe stress can break through the regimen that's been set up anyhow. Today the word HOPE came to me. Do not be afraid. Hope and pray for better days. Reading something inspirational sometimes helps me.  I hope you can find some coping mechanisms that help you out too. Your comment sounded so sad I could almost feel it. Don't give up. Tell yourself like I do. "I'm going to be okay". Sometimes I have to say that alot. I hope for the very best for you.  Joicie

  • Anonymous
    Kara Graham
    Oct. 19, 2008

    I have been there many times, I have even threw scissors at my husband (who is a cop and just looking for a reason to put me in jail!).  This emotion is so hard to control, you have to get a release or it consumes you. Unfortuanatley the release is usually a destructive one.  I know everyone has probably heard this one - but excerise does help. ...

    RHMLucky777

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    I have been there many times, I have even threw scissors at my husband (who is a cop and just looking for a reason to put me in jail!).  This emotion is so hard to control, you have to get a release or it consumes you. Unfortuanatley the release is usually a destructive one.  I know everyone has probably heard this one - but excerise does help.  Full out runnung until you can not run anymore, or what ever you need to do.  Another thing that has helped is my dr. put me on progesterone.  My hormones were out of whack and for the past couple of months the anger has really gone down.  Yes I do get mad, but I can control it.  I don't freak out and crya nd scream and throw things either.  Hopefully this will last....

    • Joicie
      Oct. 20, 2008

      I'm so overwhelmed right now. I had good intentions but I yelled at my partner almost all morning. I really thought I would be able to control myself. But you are right it is so very much hard to control. An outlet--yes.  I just had back surgery in August and I'm not quite ready for all out running but I do physical therapy for my back 2 times per week....

      RHMLucky777

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      I'm so overwhelmed right now. I had good intentions but I yelled at my partner almost all morning. I really thought I would be able to control myself. But you are right it is so very much hard to control. An outlet--yes.  I just had back surgery in August and I'm not quite ready for all out running but I do physical therapy for my back 2 times per week. My heart wants so much to be better. When I'm alone I can be so peaceful and quiet, When he enters the picture I seem to fall apart. I'm writing now and this I'm pretty sure is going to help. Then I hope I can paint a little which also helps me to calm.  I hate being angry so much.  I hate it-hate it-.I've received such good comments and responses/ We have a real good and supportive community here. Thankyou. Joicie

    • Anonymous
      kara graham
      Oct. 21, 2008

      I am 29 years old and have had 2 back surgeries.  I have 12 screws in my back.  I believe that this type of injury is a factor for anger.  Bak pain is very hard to control....everyday you live with some type of pain...whether it be surgery pain or a change in the weather or whatever.  Also tke into consideration the pain medication. ...

      RHMLucky777

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      I am 29 years old and have had 2 back surgeries.  I have 12 screws in my back.  I believe that this type of injury is a factor for anger.  Bak pain is very hard to control....everyday you live with some type of pain...whether it be surgery pain or a change in the weather or whatever.  Also tke into consideration the pain medication.  If you take a large amount of it over an extended period of time it will lead to depression.  Also think back to how you were before the surgery....what types of activities did you enjoy?  Me I was in law enforcement and am no longer able to enjoy that type of career and am tyring to figure out what I would be happy doing.  Does your husband get to enjoy activities that you no longer are able too?  My usband is a cop and I resent him...even though he had nothing to do with my injury...so my anger gets directed at him all of the time.  email me...karagraham09@yahoo.com....we can talk somemore...I know exactly what you are goin through.

    • Joicie
      Oct. 21, 2008

      That is a part of what I have been dealing with too. Pain meds, pain and anger. It's a terrible combination. It's hard for me to be very nice sometimes when I have an ache in my back or sciatic pain in my leg. It's hard for me to think twice before I speak, or take a breathe before impulsively coming out with a rude or critical remark. He says I'm nice to everybody...

      RHMLucky777

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      That is a part of what I have been dealing with too. Pain meds, pain and anger. It's a terrible combination. It's hard for me to be very nice sometimes when I have an ache in my back or sciatic pain in my leg. It's hard for me to think twice before I speak, or take a breathe before impulsively coming out with a rude or critical remark. He says I'm nice to everybody else but him. It's true he gets the brunt of it. It's not the way I want to be. I've been able to decrease my meds and start doing things I did before. I sell Avon, which I was too confused on the meds to even do. Writing is very helpful as a coping mechanism for me. It's really helping alot. I paint a little to. It refocuses my attention and I get into the details which helps to calm me also. My heart goes out to you. I'll talk to you later.  Joicie

  • andrea
    Oct. 19, 2008

    i know what your feeling i seem to lose my temper very easily and i try not to let loose because i have 3 kids but my boyfriends told me that im have a short fuse but im on zyprexa 15mg daily but i still feel helpless and angry because ive been thru so much in my life and have tried almost everything to not feel this way but god must have a plan for me or atleast...

    RHMLucky777

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    i know what your feeling i seem to lose my temper very easily and i try not to let loose because i have 3 kids but my boyfriends told me that im have a short fuse but im on zyprexa 15mg daily but i still feel helpless and angry because ive been thru so much in my life and have tried almost everything to not feel this way but god must have a plan for me or atleast i hope he does or this has been all for nothing i would love to do group but i live in illinois southern illinois that is about 5 hrs from chitown where all my family and most of my friends are well i know i keep going on and on im sorry later.

  • Pattie P
    Oct. 19, 2008

    you need to be on a mood stabilizer and fast.  I lived with the anger factor and still do when times get out of control about work.  but stop when you feel that anger--make your mind stop,,,I understand about anger...I could rip somebodys face off--and never look back.  I know how that gremlin in your gut tells you to do this...........

    your...

    RHMLucky777

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    you need to be on a mood stabilizer and fast.  I lived with the anger factor and still do when times get out of control about work.  but stop when you feel that anger--make your mind stop,,,I understand about anger...I could rip somebodys face off--and never look back.  I know how that gremlin in your gut tells you to do this...........

    your type of anger will land you in jail one day because it got out of control too fast.

    most bipolar people have a limit of toleration for themselves..you have had it consume you!!  Go see a doctor right away please....nothing to be embarrased about..just get the right meds for you.....

    • Joicie
      Oct. 19, 2008

      currently I'm on 2 moodstabilizers. They are periodically adjusted depending on what's going on. When I'm in a serious crisis or extra stress that seems more than I can bear even though I am medicated symptoms break through. This is when I do have to talk to my dr and tell him I need at least a tempoary change because I can't seem to hold it together. That's...

      RHMLucky777

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      currently I'm on 2 moodstabilizers. They are periodically adjusted depending on what's going on. When I'm in a serious crisis or extra stress that seems more than I can bear even though I am medicated symptoms break through. This is when I do have to talk to my dr and tell him I need at least a tempoary change because I can't seem to hold it together. That's real important, sometimes we need to cange the medication all together instead of just adjusting. - Thankyou, I am trying to think before I act.-- Joicie

  • Stormfuries
    Oct. 17, 2008

    Oh I do know what you mean; there are times I have gone ballistic and swept my arm across the firplace mantle shattering everything I possibly could. But that happens about 10% of the the time, where as 90% of the time (I'm an introvert) I harm myself by using razor blades or knives...anything to "feel" something other than the anger or disgust.

    Oh I've punched...

    RHMLucky777

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    Oh I do know what you mean; there are times I have gone ballistic and swept my arm across the firplace mantle shattering everything I possibly could. But that happens about 10% of the the time, where as 90% of the time (I'm an introvert) I harm myself by using razor blades or knives...anything to "feel" something other than the anger or disgust.

    Oh I've punched walls, broken more stuff than I can count but when it really gets bad, and it happens often; I need only to look at my arms (most common area for me).

    I wish I could be more of an extrovert, perhaps I'd finally say some of the fractured pieces inside me that need to be known.

    And nope I don't think you're crazy!

    Blessed Be!

     

    • Joicie
      Oct. 19, 2008

      Hi. I felt uncomfortable bring up cutting right away. I started a few years ago. When I felt backed into a corner and I  just couldn't  figure out what to do I'd  cut, so many times. I used to cut an "F" into my left wrist to stand for failure. Oh what a failure I felt I was.

      My cutting continued, up and down my arms and down on my ankles where...

      RHMLucky777

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      Hi. I felt uncomfortable bring up cutting right away. I started a few years ago. When I felt backed into a corner and I  just couldn't  figure out what to do I'd  cut, so many times. I used to cut an "F" into my left wrist to stand for failure. Oh what a failure I felt I was.

      My cutting continued, up and down my arms and down on my ankles where I thought it would be less obvious. I used to have to cover the marks for a while while they healed.

       

      The intense anger or fear or rejection or plain hurt was so bad i didn't know what else to do. I had, I thought to do something.  Sometimes it was breaking things and sometimes cutting.

      I'm sorry you also have gone through this.  Just the other day I was crying again, overwhelmed with life  etc. and got up to go to the bathroom to get a razor. I was saved by a phone call from a dear friend. Lately things are coming together for me, more amd more. Friends are calling me and helping me at just the right times. God is in my life and I pray often. My heart and my thinking have been changing. Just because we are bipolar we don't have to hurt ourselves.  We have to find alternatives to the intense pain that sometimes come over us.

      I want to. And I'm sure you do too. We can share some things to redirect our attention.- Oh yes. I did  do something to help me just a short time ago. On the wrist that I usually cut I got a tatoo that looks like a bracelet on top of my wrist with my 4 boys names on it. Now I can put my hand on them and more easily say no, I just can't do it. You may not want to do that but throwing ice into the bathtub and punching a pillow are safer ways to vent. Expect to get through this.- God Bless- Joice

    • Stormfuries
      Oct. 19, 2008

      Thank you for sharing that with me and I have thought of doing the same thing...using a tatoo. If it's pretty why whould I want to do something like disfigure it? Smile I sincerely thank you for your advice and understanding.

      Blessings to you!

  • sasaanne
    Oct. 16, 2008

    I to suffer from rage, when i am manic or depressed, it starts as gettig really irritable and then full blown rage, i was once very destructive, but realizing i always have to pay for the damage, some how made me cease, but the fire is still inside, trying CBT is a great strategy for dealing with emotion, as well as staying on your meds, your routine, and knowing...

    RHMLucky777

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    I to suffer from rage, when i am manic or depressed, it starts as gettig really irritable and then full blown rage, i was once very destructive, but realizing i always have to pay for the damage, some how made me cease, but the fire is still inside, trying CBT is a great strategy for dealing with emotion, as well as staying on your meds, your routine, and knowing your triggers, make a chart, keep a journal, see what your particular streesors are, and when you are most vulnerable..i cant control sometimes how i feel, but i am resposible for my action, we all are, i find removing myself from the situation immediately is best for and revisitng the issue later, i have lost my temper so many times and it has gotten me in trouble with the law, relationships, and my career, i had to learn mays to cope before i lost everything, no one can cure your bipolar anger, but only you can control your actions,and this is a learning process and it involves a commitment of your time, cbt works, but only if use work the program. i am 33 and was pretty much out of control until the last years.. i still feel like everybody is annoying and i am justified in my anger, but i say to myself and even have noted posted, anger is an emotion, this does not define who i am, i am in control of how i react to these emtions, i hope this helps and you are not crazy, your behavior may be, but not you. hope this finds you well, and not so angry

    • Joicie
      Oct. 16, 2008

      I have found myself at times making excuses for myself when I've lost control. "It's not my fault." Even though I threw the dishes down the stairs and broke them or just screamed "bloody murder"{old expression}at my partner. I don't others to  define me by my anger or define myself that way or think that I am hopless and I don't have control. -Bare with...

      RHMLucky777

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      I have found myself at times making excuses for myself when I've lost control. "It's not my fault." Even though I threw the dishes down the stairs and broke them or just screamed "bloody murder"{old expression}at my partner. I don't others to  define me by my anger or define myself that way or think that I am hopless and I don't have control. -Bare with me, as far as anger goes, I'm definately inprocess-I know I am responsible for my actions, but sometimes I honestly do feel rather helpless at the moment. Other people have suggested that walking away is what works for them, then of course you have to process what was going on. I need to take the first step and remove myself from the situation. I think a litlle cbt will help me turn around, "about face" and take a breather.  Thankyou for your input.- Joicie

    • Anonymous
      Willie
      Oct. 16, 2008

      "...but realizing i always have to pay for the damage, some how made me cease, but the fire is still inside..."

       

      Best. Advice. Ever.

       

      Being able to recognise this in the heat of the moment is extremely difficult for me, but at least I know what I have to do. If you hit on a scheme that works for you, stick with it. Knowing what you have to do is...

      RHMLucky777

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      "...but realizing i always have to pay for the damage, some how made me cease, but the fire is still inside..."

       

      Best. Advice. Ever.

       

      Being able to recognise this in the heat of the moment is extremely difficult for me, but at least I know what I have to do. If you hit on a scheme that works for you, stick with it. Knowing what you have to do is the key to forming habits that help not just yourself but others too.

       

      Eyes open though: if you're anything like me, you *will* fall off the wagon :) The heat is still inside, remember? You will scream yourself hoarse about going to that dinner party, or the computer crashing, or your kids forgetting their shoes.

       

      The important thing for me has been to keep coming back to it, especially after disappointing myself. Somehow my subconscious is starting to get the message.

       

      My goal is that one day, instead of reacting and making things worse, I will be able to recognise the feelings (the heat) and say to myself "although it feels like punching this guy will make me feel better, will it really? Has it ever?", and choose alternatives that are more likely to achieve my ends.

       

      Still not there yet.

  • Bigmamoo
    Oct. 16, 2008

    I just had a day yesterday were I literally hated everyone and everything.  My kids couldn't do anything right and I wanted to kill my husband in his sleep.  He is not supportive about anything.  I've done some serious financial damage due to my illness and now I am facing the music with him.  He will not forgive or forget.  I have...

    RHMLucky777

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    I just had a day yesterday were I literally hated everyone and everything.  My kids couldn't do anything right and I wanted to kill my husband in his sleep.  He is not supportive about anything.  I've done some serious financial damage due to my illness and now I am facing the music with him.  He will not forgive or forget.  I have forgiven myself thanks to an article I read here.  You must forgive yourself.  That just made alot a sense to me.   I also get these days about 10 days before my period.  Thank god it's only once in while. Now today I feel great. Too great.  See I anaylze and worry about everything.  I guess for me when I get really angry and hateful I know it will pass and I just need to stay away from my family for that day.  At least that is what I will try to do.  Good luck.  We can't feel perfect and happy all the time and I know that is what I want.

    • Joicie
      Oct. 16, 2008

      Your right, we can't be happy and even and perfect everyday, even though we'd like to. And who is anyhow. We shouldn't be so hard on ourselves. They're are so many reasons we change moods, from the weather to "who ate the last of my ice cream". We cannot blame everything on our," chemical imbalance", if thats what it is-but I know that with my illness that...

      RHMLucky777

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      Your right, we can't be happy and even and perfect everyday, even though we'd like to. And who is anyhow. We shouldn't be so hard on ourselves. They're are so many reasons we change moods, from the weather to "who ate the last of my ice cream". We cannot blame everything on our," chemical imbalance", if thats what it is-but I know that with my illness that I exaggerate the importance of small things and overreact when I shouldn't have. I'm still working on this stuff. -  I'm glad you got through your day and that article helped you.- I'm glad to have suggestions of books to read to help in any way.  Joicie

    • Anonymous
      G
      Oct. 16, 2008
      Hi, I just read your message and if I didn't know you were you and I was me, I'd think that I had just written the message myself! My husband just says I'm crazy, to my face, almost on a daily basis. I cannot manage my money for nothing. I try and I always screw things up. I have my days too when everybody is on my "hate" list. Rather than fight, I just walk...
      RHMLucky777
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      Hi, I just read your message and if I didn't know you were you and I was me, I'd think that I had just written the message myself! My husband just says I'm crazy, to my face, almost on a daily basis. I cannot manage my money for nothing. I try and I always screw things up. I have my days too when everybody is on my "hate" list. Rather than fight, I just walk away, otherwise it gets real loud. I get rather hateful, but I hate feeling that way, so it's best to just quit talking and not let things escalate. I just take 40mg of Prozac a day. Years ago, I took 80mg a day and it didn't do nothing for me! I've not changed medication for alot of years. As long as I take it regularly, then I'm as good as I think I'll ever be. Life was just horrible back when I had my periods. I think I really was crazy but functional. Nowadays, I'm through with the periods, and believe it or not, I may still be crazy, but I think I've mellowed out alot and the monthly outbursts that I used to have, have dwindled to the point that things aren't so bad unless someone pushes my "button". Walk away, walk away.....
    • Joicie
      Oct. 16, 2008

      My first husband made a point of calling me crazy over and over again,  then you think is it me or him that's crazy. Alcoholics{he was} I understand tend to blame their partners for everything. It was hell living with him but- I was no picnic either. You're not crazy. That word is not correctly attached to us.SO"No I'm not. I have an illness and if you...

      RHMLucky777

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      My first husband made a point of calling me crazy over and over again,  then you think is it me or him that's crazy. Alcoholics{he was} I understand tend to blame their partners for everything. It was hell living with him but- I was no picnic either. You're not crazy. That word is not correctly attached to us.SO"No I'm not. I have an illness and if you would try supporting me a little it would help!" Tell yourself good things to counteract his negativity, I just use to do it privately in my mind. Becoming assertive, I have found personally isn't easy, but standing up for yourself at appropriate times in appropriate ways feels good.   Joicie

    • Anonymous
      G
      Oct. 16, 2008

      Thanks for writing and for the input.  You are right.  I shouldn't let my husband keep calling me crazy cause I don't guess I really am. It is an illness.  He just must think an illness is somebody who's sick and lying in bed and since I'm up and moving, then I couldn't possibly be sick.  And he does self-medicate himself with alcohol everyday,...

      RHMLucky777

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      Thanks for writing and for the input.  You are right.  I shouldn't let my husband keep calling me crazy cause I don't guess I really am. It is an illness.  He just must think an illness is somebody who's sick and lying in bed and since I'm up and moving, then I couldn't possibly be sick.  And he does self-medicate himself with alcohol everyday, so this all makes sense.  He has his illness and I have mine.  I don't call him names, but I guess I'm just a little bit nicer than he is. Since me & him are in our fiftys, I'd say we aren't going to divorce over this, and I'm not really miserable with him.  It's the, would I rather be with him or would I rather be without him?  I guess I know my choice. I would just rather have someone human to be around with rather than become "that old lady with all the cats" who lives down the street.  I'll keep my cats anyway, but I'll also keep my husband.  I know I could not get another husband, if I even wanted to.  I'm getting older now, overweight, and I wouldn't be able to be "me".  Even if I were looking, I'd never be able to find someone who would put up with me.  At least my husband has been around for over 11yrs. and he knows and has been through every moodswing, anger outburst,  & my Jekkyl & Hyde personality.  I have felt sorry for him at times!  I will tell him next time he calls me crazy that he should be a bit more understanding. Again, thank you for answering. Best of luck to you.   G

    • Bigmamoo
      Oct. 17, 2008

      Hi I thought you were replying to my response.  You and I seem like we could have alot to talk about please feel free to email me.  biggiantmamoo@msn.com it would be nice to vent every now and then.

  • Narelle
    Oct. 15, 2008

    You are definitely not alone, but boy do the meds help me. I also think that cognitive behavioural therapy and that kind of stuff that gives you tools to work through your thinking are really helpful if you don't want to take the medication path.

    I recently started on lithium and I am finding that situations that only a few months ago would have sent me beserk...

    RHMLucky777

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    You are definitely not alone, but boy do the meds help me. I also think that cognitive behavioural therapy and that kind of stuff that gives you tools to work through your thinking are really helpful if you don't want to take the medication path.

    I recently started on lithium and I am finding that situations that only a few months ago would have sent me beserk with irritability and anger are now just fine - I look back at myself and can't even imagine why I got angry about certain things.

    This is helping me so much, my relationship with my 10 year old daugter and my husband has improved out of sight. I mentioned to him just last night that she did not seem to be getting panicked over her homework and other stuff and he replied that she was reacting to my not reacting to situations, i'm calmer and happier and therefore she is too - it's amazing the effect this anger can have on those around you and I am just so relieved that (touch wood) my new medication regime is allowing me to reconnect with my beautiful daughter and my great husband.

    The CBT basically helps to do the same thing, by watching how you are thinking (and that's why we react after all) you can turn it around. I think it's a harder road but definitely helpful (done it twice in the past). And the anger management can only help, but you probably (i'm no expert) need to try and put it in the context of your illness so that it's relevant to you.

    Good luck and I hope you lose those horrible agitation and anger feelings really soon, life is so short and amazing, and when you come out of that zone as i've just done, you will look at things so very differently.

    Cheers

    N

    • Joicie
      Oct. 16, 2008

      Thanks for writing. I hope the lithium continues to work for you well. I tried more than once then realized it doesn't work well for people who are rapid cyclers which I am. Usually about every 3 months I have a full cycle. And just a note, you probably know but you have to watch the level of your lithium carefully because it fluctuates in your body and sometimes...

      RHMLucky777

      Read More

      Thanks for writing. I hope the lithium continues to work for you well. I tried more than once then realized it doesn't work well for people who are rapid cyclers which I am. Usually about every 3 months I have a full cycle. And just a note, you probably know but you have to watch the level of your lithium carefully because it fluctuates in your body and sometimes you need more and sometimes less. -  My intense outbursts are related to my partner. I used a knife to stab a door without ever having a serious thought of hurting him, he's in the hospital now and I donot want him to come home right away. I want to do some more work on my self. Come to find out he may be bipolar too so I figure that has tied into it. I wonder are there people in relationships very much who are both bipolar? I feel quite sure things will get better. I pray and that helps.  Thanks.

    • llamamama
      Oct. 16, 2008

      I'm on lithium and lamictal.  I'm a rapid cycler too.  I was up and down two to three times a week.  Although you have to do additional monitoring, I've found it worth it for the stability it provides.  I have had trouble with my thyroid, but so did my mother and she was not bipolar.  I've had CBT as well and I found it useful. ...

      RHMLucky777

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      I'm on lithium and lamictal.  I'm a rapid cycler too.  I was up and down two to three times a week.  Although you have to do additional monitoring, I've found it worth it for the stability it provides.  I have had trouble with my thyroid, but so did my mother and she was not bipolar.  I've had CBT as well and I found it useful.  It helped me manage my reactions better, to recognize the beginings of mania so that I could remove myself from too much input (I found music, television, background conversations, etc. to be very stressful).  However,  I and everyone around me knew when my pdoc got the mix of lithium and lamictal right.

    • Narelle
      Oct. 16, 2008

      Lihtium has definitely made me more stable as well, and i'm on a pretty low doseage. I take Seroquel at night as well and that seems to "keep the peace" pretty well in combination with the Lithium.

      Nx

    • Narelle
      Oct. 16, 2008

      I'm on a pretty low dose (500mg) and I take eroquesl as well. My Dr is an "expert" in Lithium treatment - he's a Prof from the Uni here and is Danish and worked in denmark with the guys who first started treating with lithium, so I trust him more than most. I don't rapid cycle but do have mixed states. He takes my levels every 2 weeks at the moment.

      I hope...

      RHMLucky777

      Read More

      I'm on a pretty low dose (500mg) and I take eroquesl as well. My Dr is an "expert" in Lithium treatment - he's a Prof from the Uni here and is Danish and worked in denmark with the guys who first started treating with lithium, so I trust him more than most. I don't rapid cycle but do have mixed states. He takes my levels every 2 weeks at the moment.

      I hope all goes well for you, it would be tough with a partner that maybe fuels the fire. My guy is a very balanced and gentle man, I am extremely lucky.

      Good luck.

      N

  • llamamama
    Oct. 15, 2008

    Before I was diagnosed people were afraid of me.  Unfortunately, I was not aware of how scary I was.  After the diagnosis,  I continued to yell but at least those around me at home and at work knew why.  My husband would get between me and my son.  My boss would give me a signal to let me know I was out of control.  Of...

    RHMLucky777

    Read More

    Before I was diagnosed people were afraid of me.  Unfortunately, I was not aware of how scary I was.  After the diagnosis,  I continued to yell but at least those around me at home and at work knew why.  My husband would get between me and my son.  My boss would give me a signal to let me know I was out of control.  Of course, the amazing thing is that I didn't get fired.  I thank my lucky stars that work and home stuck around until I got better.  I am truly better.  Good luck.

    • Joicie
      Oct. 16, 2008

      Yes... I understand now that when my 3 older children were younger that sometimes they were afraid of me. They're in there 20's now.  It's taking me awhile to really own it and make a definitive choice to do something about it. I do feel so bad-but I can't turn back the clock-I've talked to each one and apologized.  I am on medication but that doesn't...

      RHMLucky777

      Read More

      Yes... I understand now that when my 3 older children were younger that sometimes they were afraid of me. They're in there 20's now.  It's taking me awhile to really own it and make a definitive choice to do something about it. I do feel so bad-but I can't turn back the clock-I've talked to each one and apologized.  I am on medication but that doesn't always do it for me. When I'm really stressed, and unfortunately I've been through a lot of crisis, symptoms pop-up and usually intensivefy, Right here I'm including sobs of tears and depression, way at the other extreme too. My intention is to improve as much as I can and work on my coping skills, I want to be better.  Joicie

    • Linda
      Jan. 21, 2013
      How did you get better?
    • llamamama
      Jan. 21, 2013

      I got better by taking medication and going to therapy.  I'm on depokote, welbutrin, and resperdal.  For a long time I went to therapy once a week.  Now I go every two weeks.  I have very good insurance that has allowed me to do these things for myself.  I'm still employed and the mania is well controlled.  However I'm no longer...

      RHMLucky777

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      I got better by taking medication and going to therapy.  I'm on depokote, welbutrin, and resperdal.  For a long time I went to therapy once a week.  Now I go every two weeks.  I have very good insurance that has allowed me to do these things for myself.  I'm still employed and the mania is well controlled.  However I'm no longer married.  Not sure if that was caused by the bipolar or not.  He said it was, but it may have just been a convenient excuse.

  • ctrygirl
    Oct. 15, 2008

    Hello there and thank you for the post, for i too have great outbursts of anger and they seem to come out of nowwhere....I am a very rapid cycling mixed mood bp and I tell ya it is amazing how quick and fast and FURIOUS the anger can get over some of the silliest things,

    I utilize my wooded area in which i live to get the anger out when i feel it overcoming...

    RHMLucky777

    Read More

    Hello there and thank you for the post, for i too have great outbursts of anger and they seem to come out of nowwhere....I am a very rapid cycling mixed mood bp and I tell ya it is amazing how quick and fast and FURIOUS the anger can get over some of the silliest things,

    I utilize my wooded area in which i live to get the anger out when i feel it overcoming me to the point of an outbursts...I kick the oak trees, or throw leaves and etc...know that sounds like way weird but it is so much better than reaching out and touching someone....I have not touched any HUMAN during these outbursts but oh the temptation at times sends me spinning out the back door and into the woods to just literally scream, blow off steam, kick, hit, punch the poor old trees out back of my hoome and it also removes me from the situation that is at hand sending me over the edge to anger outbursts.....

    i think THAT is KEY to controlling and knowing when it is hitting ya full force...to remove from the environment or person or whatever might be the trigger is very helpful...not only does it keep me from saying things i don't want to say or will be sorry i said later, but it also allows me to get out the energy of the anger AND focus on some of the coping skills that i have been taught to utilize....

    I also go into crying outbursts out of no where and can literally go from one to the other in MINUTES or HOURS it all depends, and i've changed meds so many times, but think i'm on the right path with that now...although still have the outbursts i'm learning how to express it in a way that no one is in the path of that hurricane coming out of me basically....

    I am glad you posted this for my anger outbursts often make me feel ashamed and that i don't have control .....and that is the worst feeling......and often if i don't utilize the coping skills i will LITERALLY go into a TACTILE mode and feel it internally AND physically.....so you're right, we do need others to confirm that they are in the same situation and not to be ashamed of the fact it hits us that way.....

    I appreicate your post and know that it meant a lot to hear someone else is also living through the storms of anger that wax and wane at their own will not ours!! ....

    Keep safe and remember to find a spot where you can get it out and not feel a spectacle.....at least that helped me some....and they come EACH DAY

    So hang in there and i hope you do start a group for it all....I tried the anger managment class here and well it didn't stop the outbursts but it sure made me realize i wasn't alone, and how to copewhen they hit...

    TAKE CARE and know I'm sending positive energy your way and best wishes for you

    sincerely

    ctrygirl

    • Joicie
      Oct. 16, 2008

      Thanks for the positive energy. Lately I have been feeling the support from several of my friends. It helps so much!!! Changing from one mood to the next happens to me-a whirlwind we are-My partner just doesn't get that, but it is so real to me, I'm not just being dramatic or dishonest about my feelings-it's real. That is really good advice to remove myself...

      RHMLucky777

      Read More

      Thanks for the positive energy. Lately I have been feeling the support from several of my friends. It helps so much!!! Changing from one mood to the next happens to me-a whirlwind we are-My partner just doesn't get that, but it is so real to me, I'm not just being dramatic or dishonest about my feelings-it's real. That is really good advice to remove myself from the situation, I donot do that for well but I want to include that as one of my coping mechanisms. It does help so very much to have people respond to say they have been through it to.  Joicie

  • Anonymous
    sonya
    Oct. 15, 2008

    I have some of the same issues. I've not thrown a knife but I thought about it. I am on med's and that helps. My responses get worse sometimes. I hurt myself to try and control my fears, feelings, loneliness, and overeating. Some of the many things i do. The pattern continues in my family with my sisters, mother, gmothers-both, father, cousins, and on and on....

    RHMLucky777

    Read More

    I have some of the same issues. I've not thrown a knife but I thought about it. I am on med's and that helps. My responses get worse sometimes. I hurt myself to try and control my fears, feelings, loneliness, and overeating. Some of the many things i do. The pattern continues in my family with my sisters, mother, gmothers-both, father, cousins, and on and on. I just feel like i am in a movie and i'm watching it-a train wreck about to happen.

    • Joicie
      Oct. 16, 2008

      You're right, my responses have gotten worse over time with this partner, His mother even told me we should disolve the relationship, who is "she" to tell me. But honestly I know with rapid cycling bipolar I am often very unstable. I really doont like that thought... I refuse to be a trainwreck even though I have been through periods of calling myself a failure....

      RHMLucky777

      Read More

      You're right, my responses have gotten worse over time with this partner, His mother even told me we should disolve the relationship, who is "she" to tell me. But honestly I know with rapid cycling bipolar I am often very unstable. I really doont like that thought... I refuse to be a trainwreck even though I have been through periods of calling myself a failure. Someone just sent me a post about CBT, cognitive-Behavioral therapy. Righton. It works but you have to keep reminding yourself to change your thinking or "automatic thoughts and replace them with realistic positive ones. It's hard. But I do work at it.   joicie

    • Anonymous
      Willie
      Oct. 16, 2008

      Speaking from the other side here, my wife suffers from Bipolar II and Borderline. We have always had the biggest screaming arguments of my entire life, complete with holes in walls, broken crockery, knives as you describe. I have ADHD, which doesn't help except perhaps in some oblique fashion by making me open-minded to her struggles.

       

      The key to change...

      RHMLucky777

      Read More

      Speaking from the other side here, my wife suffers from Bipolar II and Borderline. We have always had the biggest screaming arguments of my entire life, complete with holes in walls, broken crockery, knives as you describe. I have ADHD, which doesn't help except perhaps in some oblique fashion by making me open-minded to her struggles.

       

      The key to change for us (and I mean very gradual change here by the way) has been to try and remove the reactive part of your anger. I say "try" because that is also the hardest part :) But hey, we have to start somewhere, right? The good news is that just by trying, we have made extraordinary progress (in fact, I tend to think that no one successfully removes their reactivity entirely and that it's always a work in progress).

       

      Just a suggestion, have you heard of sitting meditation practice? Scientific evidence is beginning to show that meditation can affect physical brain processing, especially in brain areas associated with regulation and generation of positive emotions.

       

      My beloved has practiced daily meditation for just over a year now. While her triggers remain, and the cycles continue, I have found the effect on her outlook and attitude to be both subtle and profound.

       

      If your partner is also interested to become more self-aware, a meditation practice will ultimately make them more courageous in dealing with your feelings. Just be sure they are doing it for the right reasons -- like therapy, one has to want the meditation for oneself in order to feel the freedom of regular practice.

       

      For my part, I have (through many failures) managed to come back to the meditation practice every day for about six months. Through this, I am learning to sit with the discomfort of knowing her big dark scary secrets (you know -- the ones that make her afraid of herself).

       

      In the past I always said that I prefer to know the truth, even if it is uncomfortable, but when she tried to open up and share with me, I would come unstuck by the wildness and rawness and underlying *pain* that she lives with every day (she is more likely to be hypomanic than depressed, but both are equally painful for her as I am starting to discover). I am now learning to recognise that I have deep-seated storylines going on in my head, that lead me into fits of jealousy, rage and depression (she doesn't have a monopoly on depression any more!) that are not *inevitable* consequences of her behaviour but instead are being perpetuated by these habitual patterns of fear and anxiety.

       

      (Partners of BPAD and BPD sufferers often feel as though their life is out of control, like they are powerless over the tone of their relationship. This causes unhappiness and tension for both sides -- the emotional pressure is too much for the BPAD sufferer to bear along with everything they already are struggling with, and the partner begins to feel that they are a victim of their partner, and that they are only living a "half life".

       

      I am starting to understand how this happens for our relationship, and it is as much a result of my own psychology as hers.

       

      I feel fear and anxiety when hearing about her unhappiness, or her sexual thoughts, because I love her so much and don't want to lose her. Left unexamined, that fear and anxiety translates within me to a feeling of dependence on her for my own identity -- so that, life without her would feel like I am not whole or complete.

       

      Yes, the fear and anxiety is justified, it's an understandable reaction to her suicidal thoughts. To contemplate life without her is never going to feel *fun*. But when I realise that by losing her, I needn't become broken, the fear and anxiety do not amplify into jealousy, rage or inner torment. Which is nice for both her and me :)

       

      I know it's not going to solve everything ... it's not a magic cure or anything! But for us at least, combined with medication, regular individual therapy sessions and couple counselling, we are starting to see that our illnesses and states of mind needn't be a drag on our relationship -- in fact, by getting us off our arse and doing something about it, our relationship is becoming truly exceptional!

       

      We are becoming far more knowing of ourselves and each other, and that's because of these illnesses, because of our suffering. We must encompass and surround these parts of ourselves, in order to embody the spontaneous desires that all humans share: to understand, to love and to be at peace.

       

      Some helpful info on meditation if you are interested:

       

      Definitely purchase or borrow from your library a copy of "Turning the Mind into an Ally" by Sakyong Mipham -- a Tibetan-American raised in the United States with traditional Tibetan teachings, he is able to bridge the two worlds and explain how to live a modern life while achieving liberation from internal suffering.

       

      http://www.amazon.com/Turning-Mind-Into-Sakyong-Mipham/dp/157322345X

       

      Here is a link to a world-wide organisation that seeks to promote compassion meditation and may organise 10-day retreats in your area:

       

      http://www.dhamma.org

       

      Whether or not you choose this road, all the best and just remember to keep breathing!

    • Anonymous
      Glo
      Oct. 16, 2008
      Hey, you sound like my son and his wife. If you aren't, then he must be your twin. Very well written anyway. I'll send this on to him, because it you aren't him, then he's gonna need this info. Thank you and good luck.
    • Anonymous
      Willie
      Oct. 16, 2008

      Hmm, I probably am not your son because my mother is a complete techno-phobe. Nevertheless, she is still full of surprises! If so, then sorry for calling you a techno-phobe mum :) Perhaps I should expect to get an email from you soon...

    • Anonymous
      Jake
      Nov. 21, 2008

      Have you seen in your spouse, the kind of hatred and anger that can scare the living daylights out of you?  Hatred towards family and once close friends? Anger that lasts months and perhaps years?  Have your marriage come close to parting ways and living like strangers?  Have there been any extrodinary events like loss of a parent or job...

      RHMLucky777

      Read More

      Have you seen in your spouse, the kind of hatred and anger that can scare the living daylights out of you?  Hatred towards family and once close friends? Anger that lasts months and perhaps years?  Have your marriage come close to parting ways and living like strangers?  Have there been any extrodinary events like loss of a parent or job or something like that to trigger more anger? 

    • Anonymous
      Willie
      Nov. 23, 2008

      Hi Jake, why do you ask?